Donnerstag, 14. Juni 2012

Day 6: Gratefulness must be Great for All

I was walking on the street on my way to work, and I was having an experience of gratefulness, when I started looking at what gratefulness really is and whether it is at all valid in a world of inequality where life is exploited for profit.

I realized that the gratefulness I was experiencing was coming from my own self-application and movement, and I was grateful within myself for acknowledging the supports I am facing in my world through other people that reflect me back to me so I can see myself, recognize my own patterns and have the opportunity to make directive decisions based on what I see in self-honesty.

When we look at patterns, I realized that it is imperative to look at a pattern from all its angles and perspectives, to see how it exists in this world, what are the inter-plays that constitute its manifestation and what are the behaviours and mannerisms through which we participate in it, consciously or unconsciously.

In the example of the gratefulness I was experiencing: When I looked at what gratefulness is in this world - when and how gratefulness is experienced - I saw that we mostly tend to be grateful when things go 'our way', when we are the 'winner' of a situation, when we 'receive' something or when we find ourselves in positions that are 'beneficial' to our present condition. So, in the matrix, gratefulness is linked to the satisfaction of self-interest, and we hardly stop for a moment to consider that while we indulge in a feeling of gratefulness (which we often even attempt to 'maintain' as a state of mind to be a 'positive' or 'happy' person) the rest of the world is in state to which gratefulness is hardly the appropriate response.

I realized that it's not that it is invalid to experience gratefulness in this world, but obviously like with any other experience it is not something to indulge in or to (ab)use to elevate in self-interest. We definitely require to question whether the gratefulness we are experiencing is in relation to self-interest only or whether we are grateful in relation to something that is truly of support for life as a whole.

Within the current world matrix, gratefulness is defined and experienced in a way where we try to make ourselves/others 'full of greatness', while that greatness cannot be real and substantial since it is not a constant living-expression of who one is and how one lives, but rather a form of self-interest that perpetuates and supports only ego. We all know moments or situations where one can be so full of something that one can see nothing beyond that - in essence we are full of ourselves and see nothing but our self-delusion in our quest for happiness and 'feel-good' experience while the world -which is a reflection of the truth of ourselves- is burning.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to be part of a world matrix where gratefulness is perceived as an idea/feeling through which we try and make each-other grateful as a form of control and manipulation, whereby within that: concepts of 'obligation' and 'measurement' are created that determine the give-and-take interactions from the starting-point of self-interest, without hereby considering that what is created is merely and literally a state of mind, which is something that has no actual impact on reality and is not related to the actuality of reality in any way whatsoever.

I forgive myself that I haven't allowed myself to be grateful for all that which has shown me to me, even if that showing had to be in 'uncomfortable' ways - because I was trying to hide from myself, not wanting to face myself, and thus whenever someone or something would reflect me back to me I would react in anger and frustration, taking things personally, instead of being grateful for the opportunity to see myself - and face myself.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to be part of a system where gratefulness is connected to 'taking', 'receiving', 'gaining'.
I forgive myself that I haven't allowed myself to realize that gratefulness can actually only exist in equality and oneness, where one give what one would like to receive - and thus to realize that gratefulness is equally within Giving.

I forgive myself that I haven't allowed myself to give me to me but have expected and desired from others to give me (value, appreciation, acknowledgement etc.).

I forgive myself that I haven't allowed myself to give me to me as an act of accepting the gift of life that was given to me unconditionally, as I am here.

I forgive myself that I haven't allowed myself to consider that gratefulness primarily comes from and within self - as self - as an acknowledgement that self is in fact existentially realizing self, through self-honesty and self-commitment, and therefore gratefulness is not something separate from self;
because even if one is 'given' something, one still has to accept the gift, make it who one is, before one is able to acknowledge and be grateful for that which one has received and through which one is given the opportunity to expand, to express, to realize: who one is.

I forgive myself that I haven't allowed myself to realize that I can live gratefulness within applying myself in my practical-living in ways that support life, and thus gratefulness is also the result of giving: as I give me to me, as I take the opportunity to see me, to face me, to investigate my role in the context of the whole - I have the chance to change and transform all that which is not of support for life to that which is best for all life.

I commit myself to living gratefulness as the acknowledgement of content and clarity that comes with living and applying self-honesty and practical common sense - considering myself not in the context of the mind's ego, but in the context of life as oneness and equality.

I commit myself to living gratefulness in a way that comes from the self-directed self-application as I walk my process of forgiving myself and stopping my ego existence. Thus gratefulness can be the experience of content for the effective self-application I am willing myself to walk and apply; content that emerges from the understanding of my part within the whole - from the understanding and realization that I am able to form and transform my part within the whole to be that which is best for all life in all possible ways.

Therefore I re-define and align gratefulness to always be in relation to outflows, effects and results that are best for life, which is then also best for me.

Gratefulness for instance when willing myself to walk through resistances and not give-in to the pull of the mind in fear of resistance, fear of the unknown, fear of change. Gratefulness for not giving myself up, abdicating myself to the ego patterns of the mind, but giving me to me, to live as the directive principle of myself in consideration of all life equally.

Gratefulness can be the appreciation of the actuality of a particular moment, a particular application, a particular situation - in the acknowledgement that the particular moment, application or situation is a gift, an opportunity, a chance to see / realize / apply / live a transcendence of the accepted patterns of limitation, fear, separation into a new expression that is best for life - and therefore best for self.

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