Continuing from part 1:
Whatever the output
from that question, what you’ll find that it’s just an emotional-reaction
made-real into and as the living flesh, through acceptance and allowance,
throughout time. It’s just a mind set lived into beingness. Yes, it takes a
process to release it, you’ll have to forgive yourself, but the point is
simplistic. The solution is that change/becoming comes from being – and therefore
it is who and how I will BE in moments that will form and determine what will
accumulate, what will flow out, what will be created. We create all the time.
We either create in awareness, or we create through what we accept and allow.
We either create as who we are as life, or we create as who we are as systems,
based on fear/inferiority, or delusions of grandeur. Fascinating the power of
emotions and feelings – because we give it to them.
A cool practical perspective that came through in a
recent discussion and that is relevant here:
<<in relation to the deep emotional experiences - been there myself in the
past, you have to PRACTICE the stability and the movement until it becomes you,
the energy [experience] is going to keep on coming because that's been your
instruction to the energy your whole life, so now you gotta practice in this
new instruction of stability and movement - let that be your goal, when the
energy overtakes, remember the goal of stability and start pushing yourself quicker
out of the emotional possessions>>
I often had to remind myself that it's my mind making
an elephant out of an ant, and so my job is to identify the ant and give it
direction as myself.
Sometimes it was really like schizophrenia lol meaning
that I sometimes had to wonder: how come I can be confident sometimes and not
confident other times? And what I’d find was a moment of reaction or of a
thought, which was ‘accepted’ and taken out of proportion and used/abused in
the mind through my allowance to 'validate' self-definitions of failure or
inferiority or ‘not good enough’ etc. Or I’d find a point of comparison where I
was basically comparing apples and pears. I’d definitely find self-judgment.
So it’s in those/such moments (when I make a problem a
problem by going into a reaction about it, instead of seeing direct and finding
the solution/direction) where I see this preprogramming kicking in - and then I
know okay it’s just my design, it’s my preprogramming trying to ‘follow its
course’, but it is not what I want for me, for my life, and so I can handle
accordingly. I had to (and still do) teach myself to ‘handle accordingly’ in
moments, and it mostly entails slowing down, grounding myself and willing
myself to see things for what they are, re-minding myself of my process and my
self-commitment. Within this, I can embrace myself and take full responsibility
for me – because it’s then simply about: what have I developed and can trust
myself with, and what have I not yet developed; who/what I have created myself
to be/live and what I have not yet created myself to be/live.
In my preprogrammed design I had conditioned myself
into self judgment and self punishment, ending up in abyss-like states where
I’d feel like the world was ending and like I was completely powerless and
hopeless, a complete failure. High idealism and expectations obviously did not
help on the way.
Again and again I found what was said many times in
process - it's the SMALL moments that matter lol indeed the big moments are but
the accumulation of smaller moments over time; and so I’m focusing on the ‘small’,
on who I am in moments and how I relate and handle myself and my own mind.
And the ants no longer become elephants, or at least
the elephant-bubble is more easily burst.
Clarity, consistency, perseverance – where there is a
will there is a way. And so we walk.
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