Donnerstag, 14. Juni 2012

Day 33: Hope is Dope

While I was looking at the point of HOPE, a song from the 80s popped up in my head saying "I want a place to stay .... make my day...", and it did ring a bell in terms of what HOPE is/has been in my life.

This point of HOPE is one that exists as a consciousness construct throughout all our relationships: wherever we are not satisfied with the current state of affairs, hope comes up, and we start projecting future scenarios of 'betterment', 'ascension' or 'salvation'. Within that, everything revolves around oneself, one is the hero (whether victor or victim) of the mental movie projected as HOPE.

Seldom do we take into consideration the actual physical laws of cause and effect to understand how we came to be 'where we are' in the present, why we stand where we stand, and what the practical consideration would be that one has to look at in order to actually take on the point in self-honesty and self-responsibility, to be the one that brings forth a correction, a solution, a resolution, while walking through the manifested consequences of oneself and one's own creation.

As I was looking at the point of HOPE and bringing it back to self, what I saw is that I’ve known the experience of ‘Hope’ since I can remember. Looking at my present experience of myself - as I have described it in several previous blogs where I wrote about my relationships with people and groups, my experiences at school and later on in the world system, how I isolated myself based on rebellion and protection-mechanisms and how I found myself ending-up alone with no place to call 'home' - I can see that this pattern, this experience goes back a long way to where I was a child. I was always looking for a place to harbour me, since I was perceiving and defining myself as a castaway, an outcast, a misfit. So that became my HOPE, my projected ‘fulfilment’: finding a place I can call ‘home’.

These words already reveal the separation accepted and allowed, wherein “finding a place a can call home” becomes a point to ‘pursue’, thus a projection, a point to be ‘fulfilled’ somewhere out there in some future through some ‘miraculous’ events, relationships, factors.

What I slowly but surely started doing/applying as I was growing up, is trying to get that 'home'-feeling within relationships, but - as I described in several blogs on this point before - I did that within a bubble of separation from everything else, as I was projecting my hopes and desires onto that one relationship, expecting myself to be ‘fulfilled’ by another within it, not acknowledging that it is my responsibility to create a 'home' for myself, AS myself, within how I live and participate in my world.
It's as if I remained that little girl that is looking for a loving parent, a friend, a cosy place to be carefree – but I did nothing substantial to actually develop, establish and manifest this for myself.

That is the challenge that everyone is facing. To see and acknowledge the points we separate ourselves from, the points we abdicate our responsibility for, creating ‘hopes’ and ‘desires’ that inevitably result into fears of not getting what we want – let alone the fact that what we want mostly revolves around the “I” of self-consciousness and rarely involves and includes the entirety of existence of which we are an equal creator.

So, the tricky thing about HOPE is that it is a point of separation from oneself. How? By the mere fact that hope is a projected desire waiting to be ‘fulfilled’, and so self is abdicating the responsibility for one's reality HERE and NOW, and instead remains inactive, waiting and hoping.

Therefore, as long as HOPE exists as a projection of one's desires being fulfilled somehow in the future through external factors: self is not taking directive responsibility but exists in self-abdication and self-compromise.

As long as HOPE exists, self is refusing to realize the self-directive power to determine and direct one's reality through the practical accumulation of ‘who I am’ within ‘how I live’ into an outflow/consequence that will dignify self, and that will place self in a position where one can be ‘fulfilled’ as ‘who I am’ and ‘how I live’, satisfied that one is in fact learning the lessons life is indicating and is accordingly aligning oneself as the solution in self-equality and oneness, to not have to re-create the same patterns or repeat the same mistakes over and over again. Such self-fulfilment will not only redeem oneself, but will have an outflow/consequence that is supportive of life as all as one as equal.

So in order to take back one's power and be fully directive in the Here, in the actuality of one’s reality, one has to let go of Hope.

To let go of Hope, first it is to see, describe and identify what it is that we hope for. Letting go of all Hope opens the door to realizing how we keep ourselves from standing-up and bringing forth the change we want to see. What fears are you allowing to determine your action and non-action; what (self-)definitions are you accepting to limit and bind you; what desires are you following that keep you trapped in certain lifestyles that do not allow self to expand, express, self-realize, be the directive-principle in full self-responsibility?

I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to see, realize and understand that willing myself to look at what my HOPE entails: is actually revealing to me a whole lot about my accepted ‘self-definitions’, about what I’ve allowed myself to think and believe about myself, about how I see myself, about where I place myself as seemingly ‘inferior’ and ‘unable’ thus ‘hoping’ for external factors to ‘fulfil’ me and ‘enable’ me to LIVE.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to create Hope by looking into the future and imagining scenarios of 'betterment' that will apparently put an end to my current ‘miserable existence’ – instead of investigating whether that which I define as ‘miserable’ is in fact so, why I’ve defined it so, and how I got myself to that state in the first place;
because realizing and understanding How I created what is here now within myself/my experience of myself: is the key to stopping that creation and taking responsibility for the required ‘correction’ and self-change.

I forgive myself that I haven't allowed myself to see, realize and understand that as long as I follow Hope, I am not allowing myself to be fully self-directive within my reality Here in every moment, because I am trapping myself in projections rooted in desires and fears, thus giving permission to fears and desires within and as consciousness to direct ‘who I am’ in separation from myself and to determine what I will follow in the pursuit of 'fulfilling my desires' –

instead of looking at and realizing what it is that I’ve accepted and allowed to keep me from living who I really am in full self-responsibility, how I have created my fears and desires and thus ‘hopes’ in the first place, how I have brought myself into the position I currently find myself in, and therefore what it is I must let go of in order to set myself free and give myself the opportunity to stop all self-compromise and live that which will support me, that which will strengthen me, that which will allow me to grow and express and expand to my fullest potential.

I commit myself to bringing all points of ‘hope’ back to myself – so that I may see where and how I am abdicating self-responsibility, so that I may stand-up and take self-responsibility for all points I have separated myself from and projected ‘out there’ ‘hoping’ for their ‘fulfilment’ by something/someone in separation from myself.

I commit myself to sharing the common sense that Hope is only keeping us in bipolar loops of expectation/desire and disappointment/fear, and that while we allow ourselves to be thrown back and forth in polarities of the mental: we fail to see that we are wasting time and breath, missing the opportunity to stand-up and stop the self-abdication, missing the opportunity to stand-up and take self-responsibility to bring forth real change in the physical reality here.

I commit myself to stopping myself from projecting my fears and desires as expectations onto others/my world – so that I may take full responsibility for myself.

I commit myself to investigate my fears and desires in detail, to see what they are showing me about myself: so that I may take back the power I’ve been abdicating to fears and desires and HOPE in the mental; so that instead of allowing myself to be driven and determined by ‘my fears and my desires’, I become my own driving-force in self-honesty, as I bring all points that I’ve separated myself from back to myself, to amalgamate Here as one and equal as ‘all of me here’ and stand-up in integrity, self-dignity, self-respect.

I commit myself to sharing the common sense that as long as we hold on to personal ‘hopes’, we remain in inaction and equally allow the world to remain in inaction and hold on to ‘hopes’ for a better future – while it is in fact ‘who we are’ and how we co-exist that creates this world. Therefore, WE are the ones to create the future, either through self-directive action/change in self-responsibility OR through the consequences of our acceptances and allowances as the result of our inaction and abdication of responsibility.

I commit myself to sharing the common sense that if we truly want LIFE to be the value our existence is based on, we firstly have to investigate how we abdicate our right to life – so that we may give it to ourselves, give it to each-other, and find practical ways of creating a new system of co-existence that will be based on the value of life and thus will value and support all life equally. Then our world will truly be a place we can all call HOME.

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