Self-abuse has many forms.
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to think that I am too fucked-up.
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to think that I am a horrible person.
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to project these thoughts onto my relationship and create the idea that the partner is 'too good for me', manifesting the fear of my relationship failing.
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to measure my self-worth in relation to relationships.
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to see myself as 'unworthy' if I cannot have a functioning relationship.
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to place worth in relationships and separate myself from 'worth' - wherein I create a desire for relationships thinking that I will be 'worthy' when another tells me I am worthy.
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to form relationships from the starting-point of desire, which by very definition implies projection, separation, delusion.
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to measure myself based on whether or not and how I have a relationship.
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to hate myself.
I forgive myself that I haven't allowed myself to realize that I hate myself because I am not living up to my actual real desire: which is to live and expand and allow others to expand equally - within self-fulfilment as life.
I forgive myself that I haven't allowed myself to realize that I hate myself because I have inflicted pain to those I love as I gave in to the fear of losing them; and thus I have not really allowed myself to intimately, truly get to know myself and another beyond fear, beyond the existence of self-consciousness that is constantly busy with ‘fearing loss' and ‘maintaining control'.
I forgive myself that I haven't allowed myself to realize that the reason for experiencing hatred and loathing and pain and anger within myself: is because I am doing it to myself and from that I am doing it to my world, and from there I begin to hate myself as I see what I am doing, what I am allowing, what I am accepting within myself.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that the excruciating pain for not treating others as I would like to be treated - cannot be forgiven.
I forgive myself for thinking and believing that I am not worthy of forgiveness. Within this I realize that such thoughts emerge from the mind as self-consciousness - it seems I am a consciousness that is addicted to the 'negative', 'suffering', 'pain'.
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to support suffering and the real negative of this world through accepting and allowing myself to be addicted to the 'negative' of the mind. I realize that it is me as ego as self-consciousness that is abusing this energy to feed on.
So the question is: Who am I as a being? Who am I as life? What will it take to stop the self-abuse, stop the back-chat, stop the mind from feeding off of the life of me?
It will take all of me, as the will of life.
I commit myself to 'saving' myself.
I commit myself to picking myself up from the atrocious creation of my self-consciousness, embracing it, amalgamating with it in the realization that I am it, I have become it, therefore it is I that can change it.
Stop the inner wars, inner conversations, the inner race. Breathe. You are the one that has had enough of abusing itself. I am the one that has had enough of abusing myself. I've had enough of creating bullshit. I've had enough of eating bullshit. I am not willing to accept others as less than who they really are - so why am I accepting less from me than who I really am as life?!
I commit myself to stopping the regret, and stopping the backchat that tries to tell me "it’s too late" or "you’re too fucked-up" or "it’s not worth it".
I commit myself to stopping self-degradation the moment I see a thought or emotion wanting to automatically come up to validate a perception of ‘worthlessness’ or ‘inferiority’.
I commit myself to stopping the cycles of abuse within myself, stopping the division within myself, and working WITH the mind to amalgamate into a physical-living being that stands as One in self-equality.
I commit myself to valuing myself as life.
I commit myself to accepting myself as worthy.
I commit myself to standing up within myself and becoming an example of the value of life – becoming the solution I want to see in my world.
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