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| ART by Anna Brix Thomsen |
This post in the context of
and continuing from
398 | Self-Forgiveness to Reverse-Engineer the Paranoia of Consciousness into Nothingness and Start Afresh - part 2397 | Self-Forgiveness to Reverse-Engineer the Paranoia of Consciousness into Nothingness and Start Afresh
396 | The Creation Process of Paranoia Begins in the MEnial
395 | Human Paranoia Keeps History Repeating – How to Stop
394 | The Paranoia of “I don’t want to become like my Parents”
Yes, so,
realizing that any obsession/paranoia about anything starts at a small, menial,
seemingly unimportant level, and grows the more we feed it with attention, I
looked at the interesting point that this point is literally like a
self-fulfilling prophecy.
The word
self-fulfilling is quite operative here, and I in fact imagined how the
thoughts that come-up in one’s mind to ‘validate’ or ‘justify’ an emotional/feeling
reaction one had towards a situation/person/word/event in a moment literally
start filling up one’s mind/consciousness until it’s full, and voilà, the
obsessed becomes possessed and the point that one has been giving attention to ‘fulfills
itself’ and ‘becomes real’ within one’s consciousness, to such an extent that
the emotional/feeling experience becomes overwhelming and physically
noticeable, which goes to show how we allow mental-states and
consciousness-systems to literally fulfill as in occupy as in possess our body experience
and physical behavior.
(To
understand the nitty-gritty of the creation process of such ‘state of mind’
that becomes a state of being wherein one is literally occupied by and
preoccupied with this ONE single point that one had allowed to take all one’s
attention and focus: please read my previous blog posts that I reference at the
beginning of this post as well as the links at the bottom!)
Now –
Back to the
word self-fulfilling, which is the word fulfillment.
I have
walked through some self-forgiveness points on this one, speaking the words out loud as I opened-up the point for myself to see, and I'd like to write out and share the essence of that in this post here:
I forgive
myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to perceive, experience and define
my life as ‘empty’, not only because I had not ‘achieved’ what in the
world/system is seen as ‘success’, but also because this emotional/feeling experience
is something that is like just ‘there’ within me since I was a child.
Therefore I
forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed this/such definition for myself
and my life without investigating and understanding where this/such feeling
comes from and whether it is in fact valid.
I forgive
myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to keep myself ‘busy’ and ‘doing’
things, because I had wanted to avoid and ignore this feeling of ‘emptiness’,
as I had charged it with a ‘negative’ judgment and within that had formed a ‘fear
of emptiness’ –
which,
looking back at the Blog posts I wrote in the past weeks wherein I walked
through the points of self-worth and value, I realize that I had given the
perception/feeling/emotional-experience of ‘emptiness’ a ‘negative value’, and
because I had accepted this experience as me, as my life, as who I am – I had
within that sabotaged my self-worth and disregarded my value as life.
What I saw
and realized is how I kept myself ‘full’ by filling myself with ‘stuff to do’
and ‘stuff to think about’, eating, drinking coffee, smoking cigarettes, all
this stuff and everything I did, even relationships in my life – was in a way
always to done to ‘fill’ the ‘emptiness’ –
Therefore
within this, I forgive myself that I hadn’t allowed myself to see, realize and
understand that not only the ‘emptiness’ is not real (it is only real as long
as I give it ‘value’ and ‘attention’ and allow it to define who I am) – but also
the various ways that I had attempted to full-fill myself were not real.
I forgive
myself that I hadn’t allowed myself to see, realize and understand that, within
that negative definition of myself/my life as ‘empty’ and the ‘fear of
emptiness’ which would also be the fear of being ‘worthless’ and my life being
without ‘meaning’ (which obviously is all bullshit, because in the end I am the
one that determines, one way or another, the meaning and value of my life, namely
through what and how I live it), and within attempting to full-fill myself
through values of the mind – I had in fact not been here for myself, I had not
given myself to chance, the opportunity, the time and the space to be here for
me, to care for me, to occupy the space I breathe and simply be here, without
needing/wanting/desiring or requiring anything to keep me preoccupied.
I forgive
myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to create within myself a
resistance towards simply being here, slowing down, being here for myself, and
caring for myself; wherein I’ll often just rush through my day to do the things
I gotta do, and I’ll often find myself at the end of the day quite unhappy
because I realize I could have taken some moments to rest, to slow down, to
bring my awareness back here within and as my physical body, expand my physical
movement or stretch – and when I look at the amount of time I spend ‘doing’ and
the amount of time I spend with myself for myself to care for myself as a
physical being, I see that I could in fact give myself more of myself, I could
practically care for myself more – but I tend to get so absorbed within what it
is that I’m doing at any given moment, that sometimes hours will pass before I
realize that hey, I must now take a break, take a walk, change the environment,
move myself.
What I
realize is that this tendency is in fact the result of preoccupying myself and
not valuing myself /not giving myself the care I require – all out of this
negative-definition of perceived ‘emptiness’ that I had accepted about me and
my life and which I created a resistance towards and thus preoccupied myself to
not have to face it.
So here I
am now realizing this is not living, and that I am in fact quite capable of
being here for me, and caring for me, giving myself and my life the value that
it’s worth, which the value of life. If I had a child, how would I care for my
child? That is how I must care for myself, as a physical being, making sure
that I meet my physical requirements to within that also honor this physical
body that allows me to exist and experience myself in this world here on earth.
I forgive
myself that I hadn’t allowed myself to see, realize and understand that this
very feeling/emotional-experience of/as ‘emptiness’ has in fact been a point of
paranoia within my mind, where out of this/such feeling I formed all kinds of
ideas about myself and my world, about my life and the value of it, and
obviously throughout the years this point was being fed with my attention, with
my thoughts, perpetuating the feeling/emotional-experience, and trapping myself
within the polarity of ‘negative’ (as that which I had tried to
ignore/suppress/avoid within myself) and ‘positive’ (as that which I had tried
to do/get/find in order to ‘fulfill’ myself and ‘feel better’ about myself) –
But – that was
not actual self-fulfillment; instead I was filling myself up with bullshit and
all kinds of distractions to get a FEELING of being ‘full’, being ‘complete’, ‘being
‘whole’, being ‘accomplished’, all the while I wasn’t even really here for me
to assist and support myself in living self-fulfillment for-real.
So –
I will
continue sharing in the context of my process of getting to actual self-fulfillment,
which is not something ‘profound’ but simply and practically it’s about who I
am within every moment, with every breath, and whether I live every moment to
the fullest; whether I fulfill every moment by participating in every moment
from the starting point of life/living what’s truly best for me, or whether I
fill myself up with bullshit distractions that only have value in my mind but
no actual practical value of life support.
I will be
redefining the word fulfillment more specifically and in more practical terms within
my next blog post wherein, I’ll also write the self-commitment statements and
practical corrective applications for me to LIVE.
"Your Existence is Breath by Breath and within that, Every Thought You Have is a choice, Every Word You Speak is a Choice, Every Word You Write is a Choice, Every Point You Act On is a Choice. It Reflects Who You Are.""When You Are Best for You, You Are Best for All."
For comprehensive
Insight and practical Support please study
as well as
For Insights on Brainwashing read
 |
| ART by Andrew Gable |
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