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| ART by Anna Brix Thomsen |
Last night I made a
directive decision within myself in terms of how I will practically take
self-responsibility for and directive-principle within a particular point in my
life where I was ‘giving my power away’ to HOPE and within that was remaining
in a point of WAITING, instead of living.
When I woke up this
morning, I had an interesting experience. The first thing I became aware of was
myself, and I experienced myself as clear, ready and willing to walk my
decision and live self-responsibility. The next thing I became aware of was ‘something’
that came up within me in form of backchat in the mind wanting to pull me back
into a feeling of depression, heaviness and hopelessness, basically an
experience of self-inferiority; and the sentences I observed in that moment
within my mind were trying to justify why I should reconsider the decision I
made the night before.
So when I looked at
this, what I found quite interesting is what my backchat revealed to me: the
accepted and allowed awareness of myself through and as a personality that is
apparently ‘too weak’ or simply ‘inferior’ and thus ‘reasonably’ depressed,
when in fact the mere existence of such personality is a point of justification
for Waiting and Hoping and not taking absolute self-responsibility and
directive principle for my life as myself.
In that moment I
stood still within myself and saw that I have a choice. I decided that I will
not accept or allow this personality to control me through backchat in the mind
or through feelings/emotions, because I have made a decision and was clear that
this decision is best for all, and therefore I was not going to fall back and
accept myself as ‘inferior’ because within this I would be allowing myself to
fall into the self-interest of the mind and accept myself as a petty
personality that is ‘powerless’ and ‘hopeless’ and thus dependent on
others/external events and situations.
A point worth investigating,
given this experience where upon waking up I had an awareness of myself based
on my decision and a moment later I had an awareness of ‘something’ coming to
present a different ‘reality’ of myself, is:
Who is it that wakes
up every morning? Or rather – who/what do I wake up AS? And what determines
that? What determines me?
What I can see is
that we in fact always, in every moment, have this choice – to make an actual
decision of who we are and direct ourselves in self-honesty as what’s best for
life.
This choice however,
the choice for LIFE, which is in fact a simplistic choice and can, in every
moment, be seen and realized through self-honesty and common sense, is
undermined through the intricacy of the mind where we in essence deceive
ourselves with a ‘logic’ designed to pursue its own self-interest based on what
the conditioned mind consciousness/personality THINKS it wants, needs or
desires, without any consideration for consequence, for implication, for what
it is one is actually accepting and allowing and thus giving permission for.
An interesting point
within this is the fact that our decisions never affect only ourselves. A
decision is made within self for self as self, yes – as who I am –
However, reversing
the point and looking at it from the perspective of not making the decision of self-responsibility as life: one can see
that there are other people involved, situations, events, future-projections,
where one would place one’s hopes, one’s wants and needs, one’s own life in
essence, in the hands of ‘others’/external factors, to not have to take
absolute self-responsibility.
What that implies is
that through such acceptance and allowance one is not only diminishing oneself,
but one is also implicating others, because one is not practically considering
the simple point of what is best for all.
If I look at this
whole experience from the perspective of self-awareness, and specifically
looking at the words I utilized to describe it, I see that I first became aware
of myself in the clarity of my decision that I had made the night before; and
then I became aware of “...’SOMETHING’ coming up within me in form of backchat
in the mind wanting to pull me back” –
so within this it is
clear that this ‘something’ is like an ‘entity’, a habitual inhabitant of/as
the mind, a conditioned self-definition that became a consciousness;
it is a creation of self-interest
aligned with the systematic existence of the accepted ‘human nature’ where we
seek ‘convenience’ through abdicating our responsibility and in essence giving
ourselves away to the separation we have accepted and allowed: from life, from
ourselves, from each-other as life.
Therefore what I see
within that, is that self-awareness is always equal to and one with what one
accepts and allows self to be equal to and one with –
and that awareness is
gonna be either an awareness of (and self-definitions as) the bipolar habits
that inhabit us through and as the conditioned mind consciousness system in
separation from life;
or that awareness is
gonna be self awareness as LIFE based on self-honest directive and the
responsibility we take for ourselves as life, thus making decisions that are
Best for All.
I will continue on
this.
http://creationsjourneytolife.blogspot.com
http://earthsjourneytolife.blogspot.com
http://heavensjourneytolife.blogspot.com
http://desteni.org/articles
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For further context to this Blog post see:
Day 151: 11 of 21 Days Practicing Self Equality | Who am I as my Thoughts - part2
Day 152: 12 of 21 Days Practicing Self Equality | Up&Down, Round&Round, the Car_U_Sell of Life?
Day 153: 13 of 21 Days Practicing Self Equality | Stopping the Ups & Downs
Day 154: 14 of 21 Days Practicing Self Equality | Feelings & Emotions Inequality
Day 155: 15 of 21 Days Practicing Self Equality | Feeling & Emotions Inequality -part2
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| ART by Marlen Vargas Del Razo |
thank you!
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