Samstag, 15. September 2012

149: Day 9 of 21 Practicing Self Equality | What IS my equality?

ART by Marlen Vargas Del Razo

Since I started walking the 'practicing of self equality', I found myself in the last couple of days sitting down on the ground and just crying. At first I projected this experience and thought it was related to 'others'. But it wasn't. It was my experience of myself. My self equality.


The question formed in time: What have I done? Why is my life like this? Why am I like this? Why am I experiencing myself this way?


The answer to this is within the investigation of what I have accepted and allowed. What equations / value-judgments / definitions have I accepted that allowed for the creation of "me" and my "life" the way I'm experiencing it. How am I (re-)creating my experience of “me”?


I spent a LOT of my life trapped within the self sabotaging polarity of 'trying to do the right thing', be good/positive/honest, which would be the point of REWARD 'there' - and judging myself, belittling myself, blaming myself, fighting against myself, which would be the point of PUNISHMENT 'here'.


I have written about the self separation that we apply / accept / allow through projections, and how we sabotage our 'here' through projections of 'there'.


Now - I am bringing myself back HERE. I am screaming and crying within myself, but there is no point in getting into that there, the only actual solution is to bring myself here. Earth myself, and take self-responsibility.


After crying I often found myself on the soft mattress on my room floor, in a foetus position, holding myself. Crying. Stopping. Breathing. Realizing I am Here. And accepting I am here.


I realize that if we do not allow ourselves to acknowledge and embrace ourselves in the 'lowest point' of ourselves, we cannot truly stand-up, from the core, to walk in self stability, self equality and oneness, self realization as HERE, as LIVING, as LIFE.


I am currently working with the desteni I process tools and am busy mapping out the ‘HOW’ of my self-creation – looking at how I created “me” and the experience of myself; uncensored, blatantly, in brutal self-honesty.

I am looking at it without emotion, and slowly but surely I am picking myself up from the pit of regret that I have accepted and allowed myself to be trapped into.


Within this I realize, I have to accept that this is a process: I have to step by step spiral myself out of this madness of a mind/consciousness spiral that I have accepted as the experience of myself, of my life, of 'life'/'living'.

I gotta UNSCREW myself - and I am doing this by walking the dimensions of my conditioned mind in self-honesty, with the support of the desteni I process tools and facilitators.


So - what I am seeing within this is that the principle of equality and oneness is indeed the principle of creation in all ways: I am and become that to which I place myself equal to and one with -- and that is done either through the definitions / value-judgments / equations of the conditioned mind/consciousness; or it is done in self-directive movement, in the awareness of and thus responsibility for: self as creator.

In other words - self creation is formed either through what we blindly accept and allow within and through the mind (which is a creation / copy of this world and the generations/patterns before us); or through self-honest self-directed practical living in self awareness as life.

So - what is required is the deliberate shifting of self's awareness from being ‘aware’/defining self as a personality/character/role which comes along with pre-defined wants/needs/desires/fears, where one is driven from the inside out by a sort of autopilot one hasn't even programmed oneself -

and into self-awareness as life, as directive-authority, as creator, and thus as the starting-point of responsibility within and as which self can account for and stand by in relation to the creation that is created as self lives/creates.

It is not to create a new mind awareness as personality/role/character though – it is about realizing self as a physical being in the acknowledgement that one creates oneself through what and how one lives practically in every moment, and therefore realizing self-responsibility and within that: self-power.


So it is vital to see, realize and understand the nitty-gritty of our experience/awareness as the mind consciousness systems we have become -
to see, realize and understand what drives us and how; so that we may stand in self-directive power, equal and one Here, to release ourselves from the 'unconscious' controls =

stop the abdication of ourselves to a mind consciousness system that exists in the image of likeness of this world system of inequality, deception, manipulation, abuse, exploitation of life.


We have to STOP EXPLOITING THE SUBSTANCE of life which is ourselves as who we really are in favor of our self-interest as minds/characters/roles/personalities/self-images of consciousness.

We have to STOP THE SEPARATION and the polarity we have accepted within ourselves.

We have to burst the bubbles of our alternate-realities and get to the TRUTH of ourselves HERE - because that is what is real; and what we make ourselves real as is currently reflected in the world for us to see ...and IT'S NOT A PRETTY PICTURE in spite of all the pretty pictures we are bombarded with by the media and systems of this world.


within this, it is clear that all BLAME is useless, pointless, it is only a distraction from ourselves, a justification, an abdication of responsibility; it is coward and cruel.


Coward and cruel. Isn't that what we've become in essence? We have been exploiting our own lives, our own physical existences, our own physical bodies - in favor of a system of ideas and concepts of 'superiority' and 'inferiority', 'winning' and 'losing';

and we are in constant inner conflict busy keeping score, allowing the mind/consciousness of self-interest and separation to tell us what next steps we’re supposed to take in our 'pursuit of happiness'. WAKE UP!



I was gonna write "to be continued" just now, however I am seeing that I started this blog post on 'bringing myself back here' - and realizing also the uselessness of anger and frustration and regret about 'how things turned out' (that's an interesting wording here that we use, as if things just "turn out" and we have nothing to do with HOW they do turn out! ...this is actually a cool example of how practical it is to 'investigate' the words we use, the words we write, the words that come out of our mouths, the words that come up in our minds = they always show us what we accept and allow OURSELVES to be, what we place ourselves equal to and one with.)

And that is the point I am actually sharing here: that we become and experience what we place/define/accept ourselves equal to and one with.


Therefore I realize that there is no other way to deal with and direct this point, other than investigating and understanding the detailed HOW of self-creation, and applying /living the realizations, corrections, and commitments of self into physical beingness.

I am grateful that I am walking the desteni I process, with the tools and with the assistance of the facilitators. I am currently starting a new lesson where I begin to walk exactly the investigation of HOW I am creating my own experience on subconscious level. I'll be working on a particular aspect of my life and my experience thereof, mapping it out to see, realize and understand What accepted equations / value-judgments / definitions as well as what 'hidden' desires and fears create the particular experience of myself (through my acceptance and allowance) and How.


I will continue on this.


You can follow the Journey to Life blogs on the Facebook group and find out more about the mind and creation under the following links:
Read up on the MIND and CREATION:

For further context to this Blog post see:
Day 141: A New Starting-Point for Life | 21 Days of Practicing Self Equality
Day 142: 2 of 21 Days of Practicing Self Equality | In Spite of the Routine
Day 143: 3 of 21 Days of Practicing Self Equality | It's a Living, Not a Doing
Day 144: 4 of 21 Days of Practicing Self Equality | I've been standing in my way
Day 145: 5 of 21 Days of Practicing Self Equality | Self Forgiveness and Commitment
Day 146: 6 of 21 Days of Practicing Self Equality | Equalizing Time as Breath
Day 147: 7 of 21 Days of Practicing Self Equality | Equalizing Communication in the Inner and the Outer
Day 148: 8 of 21 Days of Practicing Self Equality | Inner and Outer Communication - Self Forgiveness and Commitment

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