Sonntag, 28. Juli 2013

447 | Mind Control from the Inside Out (pt.4) - The Revenge of the Ego



Continuing from
Day 445 |  Mind Control from the Inside Out (pt.3) - The Revenge of the Ego
Day 442 | Mind Control from the Inside Out - The Revenge of the Ego
Day 444 | Mind Control from the Inside Out (pt.2) - The Revenge of the Ego
which I suggest reading for context.
 
For further context see also 
Day 425 | Planet Earth: Home of Egos. Desteni Predictions Stand the Test of Time 
Day 432 | Revenge of the Ego 1 - The Ego is Always on the Go. Live Here as Breath
Day 433 | Revenge of the Ego 2 - Energy, E-motion, Experience, Free-Choice
Day 434 | Revenge of the Ego 2 (part 2) - Polarity & Energy Projections vs the Living Word





...I found in self-honesty that, through such patterns I as ego/design was attempting to 'keep everything together' through control, trying to control who another is, who the relationship is, what the outcome of the relationship will be - instead of walking in self-control as self-honesty, meaning: taking responsibility for ME and who I am, because obviously it is who I am that determines what and how my relationships will be.
...This whole point reminds me of my childhood and teenage years, where I was watching my family fall apart and I had, in a way unconsciously, without understanding what I'm doing or how I'm doing it, decided to try and 'keep the harmony' and 'keep everyone happy'.
...I see myself applying the same survival-mechanism today, where I'll try and 'keep everything under control' and I'll try and create something like 'harmony', but all of that I try and manifest through a set of rules/ideas about how things are supposed to be and how things are supposed to function within a relationship - all coming from my childhood and teenage years experiences.
- from: Mind Control from the Inside Out (pt.3) - The Revenge of the Ego 



I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to try and ‘control’ my experience as myself through trying to control my reality / relationships / others.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to define myself through relationships – through who others are, who others are towards me, and ideas about what relationships are.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to want to / try and control the outcome of relationships – not realizing that within that I am in fact already presupposing an outcome which I am trying to avoid/prevent, wherein I fear the worst and fear things falling apart –
not seeing that within such starting-point I am bound to manifest ‘the worst’ and have ‘things fall apart’, because the starting-point always determines the outcome.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to start relationships from a starting-point of fear and expecting the worst, and that I haven’t allowed myself to trust myself in and take responsibility for: making my relationships work – not from the perspective of trying to control the outcome or trying to control what and how a relationship is, but simply from the perspective of sticking to the actuality of reality and taking into consideration the actuality of who I am, who another person is, which also implies self-honest communication rather than the attempt to manifest the mind’s ideas and expectations.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to have a set of rules/ideas about how things are supposed to be and how things are supposed to function within a relationship and hold on to such rules/ideas within my mind and within my physical behavior – instead of realizing that within holding onto such rules/ideas I am in fact missing reality and missing to see another person for who they are and really get to know another as myself.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to exist within my relationships from a starting-point of ‘trying to please’ and ‘keep the harmony’, instead of realizing that such starting-point comes from/as the Ego and does not take into consideration the actuality of reality as who I am and who another is, nor what is required for actual harmony that will be best for all and truly serve all, and not only the ideas/wants/needs of the Ego.

I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to fully investigate and explore and apply what it means to take absolute self-responsibility for ME and for who I am, in the realization that it is who I am that determines what and how my relationships will be.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to have and accept an inherent expectation for the worst, as if already implying that the relationship is bound to fall/fail and thus from that starting-point then focusing myself on trying to ‘keep it together’ - within that obviously missing reality, missing what is here, as myself and another, missing to live and to be the directive authority of ME.

I forgive myself that I had accepted and allowed myself to try and be the directive authority of the relationship, when I hadn’t even stood in absolute self-authority within myself when it comes to relationships, I hadn’t yet come to absolute self-honesty and self-responsibility, as this realization now is showing to me. 

I forgive myself that I had accepted and allowed myself to project the points of authority and responsibility onto the relationship, implying that if the relationship is OK that I will be OK and if the relationship fails then I will be failing; and to from this starting-point to try and 'fix' the relationship (implying within this that there was something wrong with the relationship, when in fact the ‘wrong’ is merely part of my past experiences and relationship imprints from childhood, which I was projecting as an expectation…) instead of 'fixing' i.e. correcting ME and taking self-responsibility for who I am and how I experience myself.

I forgive myself that I hadn’t allowed myself to see, realize and understand that I was existing in extreme fear, fear of everything falling apart, based on the projected expectations of past relationship- and connection-experiences as imprinted within my family past – and that I had used ‘control’ to try and compensate for the fear, attempting to ‘keep everything together’.

I forgive myself that I had accepted and allowed myself to always put on a happy face and try and convince myself and everybody else that everything is OK, all the while I was in constant fear that everything is gonna fall apart, any minute now, and thus I must be always alert, I must be in control, I must keep it all together, because -just like I was thinking/believing as a child- I believed that if everything falls apart then I will fall apart.

I forgive myself that I had accepted and allowed myself to define ME and my life based on those experiences from childhood, and to hold on to such definition of relationships and definition of Me within relationships, always then taking on the role of ‘keeping things together’ and trying to control the outcome to prevent that which I had experienced as a child – not seeing, realizing and understanding that it was through my own acceptance and allowance, through my own definitions, that I continued manifesting the same patterns in the future.



As I had shared in my previous post, when I look back I can see how this pattern peaked with me going into spirituality, where that delusion of 'everything is OK' and 'I am OK' was being accentuated, and I was going more and more into suppression and denial, trying to replace my fear with 'love & light'. And if I hadn't come across Desteni and the self-support tools for self-honesty, I would probably to this day be denying the actuality of my existence and I'd be lying to myself and my world, and I would either face my last breath without ever having gotten to know myself, or I would at some point be struck with some traumatic event and the sudden realization of OMG all of my love and light was just an illusion which I used to cover it all up and to create the sensation that I am in control and that everything is under control, while I’d be completely deluded.

With the Desteni tools anyone and all now have in fact the opportunity to stop the course of this sinking ship we are in, both individually and as humanity together, stop history from repeating, stop the course that leads us to our fate through traumatic events and consequences, and instead make the decision to take the steering wheel in our hands and face ourselves and our creation head-on, to take full responsibility, and to move ourselves towards living-solutions - real living solutions – and stop this existence of make-belief delusions that exists within/as Ego.


  





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