Freitag, 2. August 2013

453 | My Self-Realization & How the Desteni I Process assisted me to Move out my Isolation (part 2)

ART by Marlen Vargas Del Razo

Continuing with a review of my process up to this point, in terms of “my self-realization” – meaning, what I have realized about myself and what I have made myself real as.

In my previous post I summarized the main points I have faced within my process /life and looked at how and what I have changed within myself throughout the time I have been applying the tools of self-honesty, self-forgiveness, self-corrective living.

In this post I am specifically having a look at the points/aspects which I have found difficult to deal with throughout my life – and that is mainly relationships and group dynamics:

Growing up and walking through my life I was a person that very early started to question and mistrust the ‘logic’ given to me by the adults in my environment, however I did not have any tools in terms of how to question that reality constructively and in self-support. This resulted in me feeling like there’s something wrong with the world but I was unable to pin-point or define exactly what and how. I experienced the world / reality as unfair (this in relation to all aspects of my life: family, school, peers, education, friends, the system, groups, relationships, religion etc.) and due to lack of tools as well as lack of understanding about how this world/system is a result of who we all/each are: I became quite introvert and defensive and tended to blame the system, blame my parents, blame the world, as well as avoid confrontation with reality (since I had no tools to work with or support myself and others). I isolated myself more and more, and when I came across the new age spirituality I found within that a ‘hope’ because I was able to (ab)use the mind to create for myself a bubble of ‘positivity’ wherein I could ‘hide’ and make-believe that there must be something better/more/higher than the actuality of this reality, and so for a while I deluded myself with the ideas/beliefs about ‘ascension’ and ‘enlightenment’.

It did not occur to me that I was in fact suppressing and denying myself and the actual experience I was having (how could it, while I was busy denying it), nor did it occur to me to question the validity of ‘hiding’ within mental realms and pretending that ‘everything is okay’;
Just like it didn’t occur to me to consider: how on earth is it possible to be any better in any other dimension if we are not even able to sort out the mess we have on earth, this one reality we all share! - 
or that we cannot truly see or understand anything if we do not even see and understand ourselves, if we do not see and understand how our minds word, where thoughts come from, how emotional and feeling reactions are created etc.

When I started questioning some of the stuff I was following/believing – that is the time I came across Desteni and the common sense revelations that I was confronted with hit home almost immediately, leaving me with my jaw dropped and quite astounded to see and realize how much I had taken for granted in this reality as well as how many ‘promises’ and make-belief ‘realities’ I had bought into.

I started applying the tools of self-honesty, self-forgiveness and self-commitments almost immediately, as well as testing myself with corrective living application in the various aspects of my life where I’d realized I had gone into beliefs, hopes and projections, make-believe alternate-realities in the mental, and other such self-delusive applications.

When I visited the Desteni farm (I have written about my stay on the farm in previous posts), one of the main points that the people there assisted me with was to stop blaming the system, my parents, the world, and generally to stop blaming “others”, which was not really unexpected as it was from the very start of getting into the Desteni material that I was able to see and realize how the point of Self-Responsibility is paramount within the Desteni message of ‘Equality & Oneness’.

I have now been walking my process since 5 and a half years, and I mean I do realize this process is my life, as each one’s life is one’s process – we are each faced and confronted with our own creation, our own reflection, who we are.

Through utilizing the self-support tools available for all at the Desteni platforms online, I was able to move myself past the point of blame – which is in essence a project the human consciousness uses to avoid looking at SELF and thus avoid taking responsibility – and I was able to stop blaming the system, stop blaming my parents, stop blaming “others”, and instead introspect and investigate in self-honesty how I myself had created myself and the experience(s) of myself based on what I had accepted and allowed in terms of definitions, equations, judgments, beliefs, fears, desires – in short: based on self-separation and a lack of understanding about how we create ourselves, our relationships, and consequently our world.

I am really glad I got myself past the point of blame, because this enabled me to start investigating and understanding the world systems and the role we humans and specifically I myself play (through the patterns we participate in) – in the creation of the world/system ‘as is’.

I mean if you look at history: it is the repetition of patterns. If you look at your own relationships: you’ll see the repetition of patterns. And a pattern does not exist by itself nor is it created by just one person/party. Patterns are formed through relationships, interaction, participation. So the question thus is How do we interact, how do we participate, what do we participate in, how do we form relationships, what relationships do we form, and how the ego/self-interest exists within that.

A vital point I came to realize is that patterns are also ‘inherited’ from generation to generation – and because we’ve had no tools that would assist us in understanding, we found ourselves overwhelmed and overpowered by such patterns, every one ending-up become just like our parents, and keeping history repeating.

Another point to consider here is again the natural learning ability of the human and how it is in fact the physical body of the child that is learning and integrating everything it is exposed to within its environment. This way, all the parents’ patterns for instance already become part of the child by the age of 7. There are many blogs, articles and documents on this – which also presents an evolution of the study of cognitive psychology, wherein Desteni is in fact a pioneer.

This point of ‘ingrained patterns’ I found to be the most difficult to change/transcend.

For instance, even though I have been walking my process of self-honesty and self-support effectively for some time now, I still find the point of relationships really challenging, as I find myself acting-out patterns I have seen and witnessed within and between my parents, patterns that I do not support, yet find myself existing as. I see and realize that extreme self-honesty, self-discipline, and self-commitment is required to change these patterns, yet I know for a fact that it is possible, because I have already proven to myself that I am able to change my own patterns/programming through self-honest self-realization, self-forgiveness, and self-corrective living.

The problem with such patterns is that they can become the directive authority within/of self, which is why we for instance speak words or act in ways we later regret. The ‘trick’ is to (after one has deconstructed and seen/realized/understood the pattern for oneself as well as How the pattern is being triggered and built-up) breathe and stand-up within oneself to be the directive authority within/as self before the pattern is triggered. 

I mean, we all hear so many people talking about how they want to change things/themselves but it seems so difficult. This already shows that we have lost / abdicated our directive authority, and have not had the tools or the understanding to re-claim it, to become it, to live it, to apply it, and stand as it: this is who I am – this is what I will accept and allow – and this is what I will not accept or allow within me as me.

It is easier said than done, yet once one has seen, realized and understood how a pattern plays-out as well as what triggers one is reacting to, thus how one is in fact participating within the (re-)creation of the pattern: there is no way back. You cannot pretend you do not or do not realize or do not understand. You have a choice: Who will you be.

So – yes, it takes self-commitment and dedication, self-discipline and consistence, but I see for myself no other choice: 
I will not accept or allow the patterns of the past (the patterns I have seen within/between my parents, other relationships, films and media, wherein there is a constant competition and judgment and blame and all kinds of projections thus result to an interaction that is not of self-respect, dignity and freedom) to exist within me as me. I am here to stand as life, I am here to support life, I am here to manifest life. Thus, all that which diminishes life must go, must be let go of.

The only thing that stands in the way of LIFE is fear, is ego, is our accepted nature of/as separation that manifests all the evil stuff such as jealousy, greed, spitefulness, etc.
And here I have the tools to move beyond my ego, move from the personal into/as the interpersonal and treat all life as equal, as I would like to be treated. I would like to manifest an existence without fear, an existence of dignity and respect, because that is what I see as worthy of life – that is the world/existence I would like to live in, and I would like to be treated with dignity and respect. The principle is simple: Give as you would like to Receive.
(see my previous Blog posts on The Revenge of the Ego, links at the bottom)

ART by Marlen

Within my relationships I am now willing to look at/into myself and to stop my reactions, thus take the point ‘back to self’ = take responsibility for my experience, my reactions, my mind. In the past, I would run away from a relationship very quickly because I was perceiving the other to be the reason for an ineffective relationship, all the while I was the one projecting expectations and making demands, according to what I thought and believed the other must give me and how I thought and believed the other must make me feel. 

When I investigated myself in terms of who I am and have been within relationships, I can see within that the patterns I was exposed to as a child, seeing my parents fight. And even though I hated it and never wanted to be like that, I found myself doing the same/similar in my relationships. This is prove of the ‘natural learning ability’ and how children simply integrate what they see in their process of developing their mind consciousness, which is how we re-create an existence of ego in this world, and our children never had the chance to be different, to change the world’. 

We now do, because for the first time there is a research platform that shows for anyone to understand how consciousness works and how we create ourselves as ego.

For myself now in the context of relationships, what I realized is that, the moment I allow myself to go into ego and for instance take things personally or feel for instance neglected or feel that I am not given enough attention – all these ‘feelings’ by the way I observed as a child within my family interestingly enough, which in fact shows to me: they are not real feeling, they are what I have learned, based on mental- and emotional-patterns I have learned and how I learned to interpret others/my world and then make conclusions out of it that seemingly place me in a disadvantaged position so that I can blame others = all workings of the Ego that is looking for ways to manipulate reality (which is what we learn from our parents in this world), making it all about “Me, Myself & I” –
thus the moment I go into ego, all the mechanisms and manipulation tactics I have learned and adopted activate, and unless I stop that version of me and take responsibility to stand in integrity and treat life as I would like to be treated, I become and re-create all those patterns that I was exposed to and have witnessed as a child, all those patterns I suffered under and hated, all those things I told myself I would never be/become.

So, I am still working on this, and through my process and the application of the Desteni tools, I am now in a position to see, realize and understand that ‘it takes two to tango’ and that my experience is always self-created.

I also see and realize that self-righteousness is a place wherefrom I never see or consider another, but only see and consider my mind/ego. This is quite a humbling process, as it must be. If we are not able to form relationships of equality in the small, how will we manifest equality within our world, as life?

A further point I realized in terms of relationships and who I am / have been within relationships is the following: I saw – through my process of self-introspection and the application of self-forgiveness and self-corrective commitments/living – that I had developed the pattern/habit of using relationships to ‘compensate’ for my isolation. Thus I always wanted and attempted to create ‘exclusive’ relationships and I would try through a relationship to ‘get’ the acceptance and value I was lacking within myself (as self-acceptance and self-worth).
This had become a problem because in fact my relationships supported my seclusion and isolation, and I would also very quickly run away from a relationship because obviously if I was not accepting and valuing myself, how could anyone else ‘show’ me anything like acceptance or appreciation?

I realized obviously that, as long as we expect these things from others, we make ourselves not only dependent on others and thus create relationships of dependency, manipulation and, in the worst case, abuse – we also cannot truly have these things (acceptance, value, worth, respect) because we are not giving it to ourselves.

Through the Desteni I Process I realized that in this world and through the way our education systems work, including parenting, we do not learn to develop a self-honest, self-supportive relationship with ourselves, our own body and mind. We do not learn to trust ourselves and to be beings of integrity. This obviously makes us not only separate from ourselves, but also from each-other as life, and makes us gullible to manipulation and brainwashing as we then go ‘out there’ and try to ‘find’/‘get’ all these things (acceptance, value, worth, understanding etc.) ‘out there’, in relationships, groups, religions, corporations, but within that there is evidently only division, there is only profit/self-interest, there is only competition and no real consideration for Life as a Whole, because we haven’t even considered our own value as life, our own equality with/as life.

I am really glad that I started working with people through the Desteni platform, as within that I was able to see and experience what equality is in practical application, what equality is and can be in terms of how we work together, how we assist and support each-other, how we within and as the group have moved from the personal to the interpersonal.

It would be quite difficult to do anything of value for life, for the world, if everyone was busy with themselves, their own reactions, taking things personally, blaming others, gossiping, etc. – and this can be seen clearly within the systems of our world, politics for instance (just to name the obvious) where there’s always conflicting interests – instead of the interest of life being the common interest – which is why no solution for LIFE is being pursued or presented in the world as we know it.

To give you some background in terms of my experiences with group relationships / group dynamics: 

During the time I was studying at the university in Germany, I had developed a fear of groups, to an extent that whenever I was entering the cafeteria of the school, I would sweat and be most uncomfortable. Already before that time, during my teenage years, I was facing big difficulties in my class, especially in one of the classes I was in where there was a clique of bullies that specifically targeted me because my mother was a teacher, and there was much gossip going on. 

As I said before, I had started to isolate myself more and more, and I was avoiding groups of people as much as possible. I became quite a loner, and at that time this didn’t seem to be much of a problem because I was able to work on my own and my studies did not necessarily required that I work in teams. So I never was or became a team-player, and that was a situation I’d never willingly put myself in in the past.

Through my process with the Desteni work and tools, I actually transcended my fear of groups, I stopped sweating and stopped avoiding groups – in fact, on the contrary: 
I pushed myself to learn how to work with/in groups, and especially during my visit on the Desteni farm, I moved beyond many of my preconceived ideas, beliefs and fears about working with or participating in groups. I came to realize that humanity itself is a group, and that obviously unless we work together as such, we cannot expect ourselves or others to ever manifest the change in the world that we all wish for: a world where every child is born into freedom, dignity, and care, a world where we no longer fear each-other, a world where all life is equally honored and supported, a world that is best for all, a world where we can truly have some fun!

For further context and reference see
Day 451 | Ego Consciousness & the Desteni Solution Tools
Day 448 | The Revenge of the Ego – and Why Equality is a Universal Solution (part 1)
Day 449 | The Revenge of the Ego – and Why Equality is a Universal Solution (part 2)
Day 425 | Planet Earth: Home of Egos. Desteni Predictions Stand the Test of Time

Day 447 | Mind Control from the Inside Out (pt.4) - The Revenge of the Ego
Day 445 | Mind Control from the Inside Out (pt.3) - The Revenge of the Ego
Day 444 | Mind Control from the Inside Out (pt.2) - The Revenge of the Ego
Day 442 | Mind Control from the Inside Out (pt.1) - The Revenge of the Ego
Day 432 | Revenge of the Ego 1 - The Ego is Always on the Go. Live Here as Breath
Day 433 | Revenge of the Ego 2 - Energy, E-motion, Experience, Free-Choice
Day 434 | Revenge of the Ego 2.2 - Polarity & Energy Projections vs the Living Word

ART by Kelly Posey

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