Continuing
with a review of my process up to this point, in terms of “my self-realization”
– meaning, what I have realized about myself and what I have made myself real
as.
In my
previous post I summarized the main points I have faced within my process /life
and looked at how and what I have changed within myself throughout the time I
have been applying the tools of self-honesty, self-forgiveness, self-corrective
living.
In this
post I am specifically having a look at the points/aspects which I have found
difficult to deal with throughout my life – and that is mainly relationships
and group dynamics:
Growing up
and walking through my life I was a person that very early started to question
and mistrust the ‘logic’ given to me by the adults in my environment, however I
did not have any tools in terms of how to question that reality constructively
and in self-support. This resulted in me feeling like there’s something wrong
with the world but I was unable to pin-point or define exactly what and how. I
experienced the world / reality as unfair (this in relation to all aspects of
my life: family, school, peers, education, friends, the system, groups,
relationships, religion etc.) and due to lack of tools as well as lack of
understanding about how this world/system is a result of who we all/each are: I
became quite introvert and defensive and tended to blame the system, blame my
parents, blame the world, as well as avoid confrontation with reality (since I
had no tools to work with or support myself and others). I isolated myself more
and more, and when I came across the new age spirituality I found within that a
‘hope’ because I was able to (ab)use the mind to create for myself a bubble of
‘positivity’ wherein I could ‘hide’ and make-believe that there must be
something better/more/higher than the actuality of this reality, and so for a
while I deluded myself with the ideas/beliefs about ‘ascension’ and
‘enlightenment’.
It did not
occur to me that I was in fact suppressing and denying myself and the actual
experience I was having (how could it, while I was busy denying it), nor did it
occur to me to question the validity of ‘hiding’ within mental realms and
pretending that ‘everything is okay’;
Just like it didn’t occur to me to
consider: how on earth is it possible to be any better in any other dimension
if we are not even able to sort out the mess we have on earth, this one reality
we all share! -
or that we cannot truly see or understand anything if we do not even see and understand ourselves, if we do not see and understand how our minds word, where thoughts come from, how emotional and feeling reactions are created etc.
When I
started questioning some of the stuff I was following/believing – that is the
time I came across Desteni and the common sense revelations that I was
confronted with hit home almost immediately, leaving me with my jaw dropped and
quite astounded to see and realize how much I had taken for granted in this
reality as well as how many ‘promises’ and make-belief ‘realities’ I had bought
into.
I started
applying the tools of self-honesty, self-forgiveness and self-commitments
almost immediately, as well as testing myself with corrective living application
in the various aspects of my life where I’d realized I had gone into beliefs,
hopes and projections, make-believe alternate-realities in the mental, and
other such self-delusive applications.
When I
visited the Desteni farm (I have written about my stay on the farm in previous
posts), one of the main points that the people there assisted me with was to
stop blaming the system, my parents, the world, and generally to stop blaming
“others”, which was not really unexpected as it was from the very start of
getting into the Desteni material that I was able to see and realize how the
point of Self-Responsibility is paramount within the Desteni message of
‘Equality & Oneness’.
I have now
been walking my process since 5 and a half years, and I mean I do realize this
process is my life, as each one’s life is one’s process – we are each faced and
confronted with our own creation, our own reflection, who we are.
Through
utilizing the self-support tools available for all at the Desteni platforms
online, I was able to move myself past the point of blame – which is in essence
a project the human consciousness uses to avoid looking at SELF and thus avoid
taking responsibility – and I was able to stop blaming the system, stop blaming
my parents, stop blaming “others”, and instead introspect and investigate in
self-honesty how I myself had created myself and the experience(s) of myself
based on what I had accepted and allowed in terms of definitions, equations,
judgments, beliefs, fears, desires – in short: based on self-separation and a
lack of understanding about how we create ourselves, our relationships, and
consequently our world.
I am really
glad I got myself past the point of blame, because this enabled me to start
investigating and understanding the world systems and the role we humans and
specifically I myself play (through the patterns we participate in) – in the
creation of the world/system ‘as is’.
I mean if
you look at history: it is the repetition of patterns. If you look at your own
relationships: you’ll see the repetition of patterns. And a pattern does not
exist by itself nor is it created by just one person/party. Patterns are formed
through relationships, interaction, participation. So the question thus is How
do we interact, how do we participate, what do we participate in, how do we
form relationships, what relationships do we form, and how the ego/self-interest
exists within that.
A vital
point I came to realize is that patterns are also ‘inherited’ from generation
to generation – and because we’ve had no tools that would assist us in
understanding, we found ourselves overwhelmed and overpowered by such patterns,
every one ending-up become just like our parents, and keeping history
repeating.
Another
point to consider here is again the natural learning ability of the human and
how it is in fact the physical body of the child that is learning and
integrating everything it is exposed to within its environment. This way, all
the parents’ patterns for instance already become part of the child by the age
of 7. There are many blogs, articles and documents on this – which also
presents an evolution of the study of cognitive psychology, wherein Desteni is in
fact a pioneer.
This point of ‘ingrained patterns’ I found to be the most difficult to change/transcend.
For
instance, even though I have been walking my process of self-honesty and
self-support effectively for some time now, I still find the point of
relationships really challenging, as I find myself acting-out patterns I have
seen and witnessed within and between my parents, patterns that I do not
support, yet find myself existing as. I see and realize that extreme
self-honesty, self-discipline, and self-commitment is required to change these
patterns, yet I know for a fact that it is possible, because I have already
proven to myself that I am able to change my own patterns/programming through
self-honest self-realization, self-forgiveness, and self-corrective living.
The problem
with such patterns is that they can become the directive authority within/of
self, which is why we for instance speak words or act in ways we later regret.
The ‘trick’ is to (after one has deconstructed and seen/realized/understood the
pattern for oneself as well as How the pattern is being triggered and built-up)
breathe and stand-up within oneself to be the directive authority within/as
self before the pattern is triggered.
I mean, we
all hear so many people talking about how they want to change things/themselves
but it seems so difficult. This already shows that we have lost / abdicated our
directive authority, and have not had the tools or the understanding to
re-claim it, to become it, to live it, to apply it, and stand as it: this is who I am – this is what I
will accept and allow – and this is what I will not accept or allow within me
as me.
It is
easier said than done, yet once one has seen, realized and understood how a
pattern plays-out as well as what triggers one is reacting to, thus how one is
in fact participating within the (re-)creation of the pattern: there is no way
back. You cannot pretend you do not or do not realize or do not understand. You
have a choice: Who will you be.
So – yes,
it takes self-commitment and dedication, self-discipline and consistence, but I
see for myself no other choice:
I will not accept or allow the patterns of the
past (the patterns I have seen within/between my parents, other relationships,
films and media, wherein there is a constant competition and judgment and blame
and all kinds of projections thus result to an interaction that is not of
self-respect, dignity and freedom) to exist within me as me. I am here to stand
as life, I am here to support life, I am here to manifest life. Thus, all that
which diminishes life must go, must be let go of.
The only
thing that stands in the way of LIFE is fear, is ego, is our accepted nature
of/as separation that manifests all the evil stuff such as jealousy, greed,
spitefulness, etc.
And here I
have the tools to move beyond my ego, move from the personal into/as the
interpersonal and treat all life as equal, as I would like to be treated. I
would like to manifest an existence without fear, an existence of dignity and
respect, because that is what I see as worthy of life – that is the
world/existence I would like to live in, and I would like to be treated with
dignity and respect. The principle is simple: Give as you would like to
Receive.
(see my previous Blog posts on The Revenge of
the Ego, links at the bottom)
Within my
relationships I am now willing to look at/into myself and to stop my reactions, thus take the point ‘back to self’ = take responsibility for my experience, my
reactions, my mind. In the past, I would run away from a relationship very
quickly because I was perceiving the other to be the reason for an ineffective
relationship, all the while I was the one projecting expectations and making
demands, according to what I thought and believed the other must give me and
how I thought and believed the other must make me feel.
When I
investigated myself in terms of who I am and have been within relationships, I
can see within that the patterns I was exposed to as a child, seeing my parents
fight. And even though I hated it and never wanted to be like that, I found
myself doing the same/similar in my relationships. This is prove of the
‘natural learning ability’ and how children simply integrate what they see in
their process of developing their mind consciousness, which is how we re-create
an existence of ego in this world, and our children never had the chance to be
different, to change the world’.
We now do,
because for the first time there is a research platform that shows for anyone
to understand how consciousness works and how we create ourselves as ego.
For myself now
in the context of relationships, what I realized is that, the moment I allow myself to go
into ego and for instance take things personally or feel for instance neglected
or feel that I am not given enough attention – all these ‘feelings’ by the way
I observed as a child within my family interestingly enough, which in fact
shows to me: they are not real feeling, they are what I have learned, based on
mental- and emotional-patterns I have learned and how I learned to interpret others/my
world and then make conclusions out of it that seemingly place me in a
disadvantaged position so that I can blame others = all workings of the Ego
that is looking for ways to manipulate reality (which is what we learn from our
parents in this world), making it all about “Me, Myself & I” –
thus the
moment I go into ego, all the mechanisms and manipulation tactics I have
learned and adopted activate, and unless I stop that version of me and take
responsibility to stand in integrity and treat life as I would like to be
treated, I become and re-create all those patterns that I was exposed to and
have witnessed as a child, all those patterns I suffered under and hated, all
those things I told myself I would never be/become.
So, I am
still working on this, and through my process and the application of the
Desteni tools, I am now in a position to see, realize and understand that ‘it
takes two to tango’ and that my experience is always self-created.
I also see
and realize that self-righteousness is a place wherefrom I never see or
consider another, but only see and consider my mind/ego. This is quite a
humbling process, as it must be. If we are not able to form relationships of
equality in the small, how will we manifest equality within our world, as life?
A further
point I realized in terms of relationships and who I am / have been within
relationships is the following: I saw – through my process of
self-introspection and the application of self-forgiveness and self-corrective
commitments/living – that I had developed the pattern/habit of using
relationships to ‘compensate’ for my isolation. Thus I always wanted and
attempted to create ‘exclusive’ relationships and I would try through a
relationship to ‘get’ the acceptance and value I was lacking within myself (as
self-acceptance and self-worth).
This had
become a problem because in fact my relationships supported my seclusion and
isolation, and I would also very quickly run away from a relationship because
obviously if I was not accepting and valuing myself, how could anyone else
‘show’ me anything like acceptance or appreciation?
I realized
obviously that, as long as we expect these things from others, we make
ourselves not only dependent on others and thus create relationships of
dependency, manipulation and, in the worst case, abuse – we also cannot truly
have these things (acceptance, value, worth, respect) because we are not giving
it to ourselves.
Through the
Desteni I Process I realized that in this world and through the way our
education systems work, including parenting, we do not learn to develop a
self-honest, self-supportive relationship with ourselves, our own body and
mind. We do not learn to trust ourselves and to be beings of integrity. This
obviously makes us not only separate from ourselves, but also from each-other
as life, and makes us gullible to manipulation and brainwashing as we then go
‘out there’ and try to ‘find’/‘get’ all these things (acceptance, value, worth,
understanding etc.) ‘out there’, in relationships, groups, religions,
corporations, but within that there is evidently only division, there is only
profit/self-interest, there is only competition and no real consideration for
Life as a Whole, because we haven’t even considered our own value as life, our
own equality with/as life.
I am really
glad that I started working with people through the Desteni platform, as within
that I was able to see and experience what equality is in practical
application, what equality is and can be in terms of how we work together, how
we assist and support each-other, how we within and as the group have moved
from the personal to the interpersonal.
It would be
quite difficult to do anything of value for life, for the world, if everyone
was busy with themselves, their own reactions, taking things personally,
blaming others, gossiping, etc. – and this can be seen clearly within the
systems of our world, politics for instance (just to name the obvious) where there’s
always conflicting interests – instead of the interest of life being the common
interest – which is why no solution for LIFE is being pursued or presented in
the world as we know it.
To give you
some background in terms of my experiences with group relationships / group
dynamics:
During the
time I was studying at the university in Germany, I had developed a fear of
groups, to an extent that whenever I was entering the cafeteria of the school,
I would sweat and be most uncomfortable. Already before that time, during my teenage
years, I was facing big difficulties in my class, especially in one of the
classes I was in where there was a clique of bullies that specifically targeted
me because my mother was a teacher, and there was much gossip going on.
As I said
before, I had started to isolate myself more and more, and I was avoiding
groups of people as much as possible. I became quite a loner, and at that time
this didn’t seem to be much of a problem because I was able to work on my own
and my studies did not necessarily required that I work in teams. So I never
was or became a team-player, and that was a situation I’d never willingly put
myself in in the past.
Through my
process with the Desteni work and tools, I actually transcended my fear of
groups, I stopped sweating and stopped avoiding groups – in fact, on the
contrary:
I pushed myself to learn how to work with/in groups, and especially
during my visit on the Desteni farm, I moved beyond many of my preconceived
ideas, beliefs and fears about working with or participating in groups. I came
to realize that humanity itself is a group, and that obviously unless we work
together as such, we cannot expect ourselves or others to ever manifest the
change in the world that we all wish for: a world where every child is born
into freedom, dignity, and care, a world where we no longer fear each-other, a
world where all life is equally honored and supported, a world that is best for
all, a world where we can truly have some fun!
For further context and reference see
Day 451 | Ego Consciousness & the Desteni Solution Tools
Day 448 | The Revenge of the Ego – and Why Equality is a Universal Solution (part 1)
Day 449 | The Revenge of the Ego – and Why Equality is a Universal Solution (part 2)
Day 425 | Planet Earth: Home of Egos. Desteni Predictions Stand the Test of Time
and
Day 447 | Mind Control from the Inside Out (pt.4) - The Revenge of the Ego
Day 445 | Mind Control from the Inside Out (pt.3) - The Revenge of the Ego
Day 444 | Mind Control from the Inside Out (pt.2) - The Revenge of the Ego
Day 442 | Mind Control from the Inside Out (pt.1) - The Revenge of the Ego
Day 432 | Revenge of the Ego 1 - The Ego is Always on the Go. Live Here as Breath
Day 433 | Revenge of the Ego 2 - Energy, E-motion, Experience, Free-Choice
Day 434 | Revenge of the Ego 2.2 - Polarity & Energy Projections vs the Living Word
Check out the Desteni I Process Lite – a FREE course that will assist humanity to end the disaster of a dysfunctional consciousness.
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