Donnerstag, 29. August 2013

472 | Self Commitment : The ME in the MEnial

ART by Sylvia Gerssen

The Me is in the Menial – meaning that, every breath counts, who I am in thought, word, and deed in every moment counts, as those are the building-blocks of the `me´ that manifests as who I am.
Therefore, one may have high expectations or high regards and high positions, but the actuality of `who I am´ is measured as the accumulated result of `who I am´ in every moment, in the smallest of things. Which is why I is said that “it´s not what you do that defines who you are, it´s who you are within anything and everything that you do that defines you”.

Continuing from
Day 471 | Self Forgiveness : Letting Go of nEGOtivity
Day 470 | Seeing through Blame and Regret
Day 469 | VerZweiFeln - A State of Mind, a State of Being
Day 465 | Grundeinstellung. The Company I Keep
Day 464 | Letting Go of Knowledge and Embracing Nothingness
Day 463 | The Dark Pit of Regret
Day 462 | Slowing Down to Live Fully
Day 461 | Slow and Steady - Walking MySelf to Freedom

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to project images and thoughts within my imagination in the mind, wherein I jump into future projections of hope of a `better me´ which is also showing to me my desires as well as my self-judgments and value-definitions; and at the same time there is also future projections of fear wherein I am looking at that which I have been attempting to avoid or `protect´ myself from.

Therefore I commit myself to assist and support myself in remaining Herein every moment and looking at my reality in the actuality of its existence, to within this approach every moment pragmatically in practical common sense and not based on fears and desires.

I am currently looking at the consequences that I am facing: I have accepted and allowed myself to be and become obsessed/possessed within and as a mind design personality that exists within the starting-point of lack and inferiority / unworthiness, and is from that starting-point seeking to find / attain / gain fulfillment, value, and “equality” as defined within polarity designs –
“Equality” as `defined within polarity´ meaning that, because the starting-point is that of inferiority, the projected attempts are aiming to compensate or balance-out that inferiority through ‘superior’ ideas and concepts and self-images; and therefore within this there is no actual self-equality, but merely the systematic definition of “equality” that the inferior-consciousness is attempting to `achieve´which is defined within and as comparison, thus polarity, thus no actual equality in fact.

Therefore, I commit myself to assist and support myself in realizing, establishing and living real, actual self-equality –
which within this implies that I let go of any and all judgments, any and all value-definitions of polarity, any and all concepts and ideas of ‘inferiority’ or ‘superiority’; so that I ground myself Here, within and as the starting-point of Me Here, thus self equality, accepting what is here as myself, as my creation, and taking responsibility for what is here, as myself, my life, my creation – because I realize it is only within and as such starting-point of self-equality, self-acceptance and thus no judgment that I am able to change and transform that which is not equal to life as who I really am as life; transform that which is less than life, less than who I really am and know I can be, into an expression of life, an expression of self-worth.

Therefore, back to the point of What is Here as me/my life – I am here facing the consequences of my accepted and allowed self-alienation and self-inequality; wherein I had attempted to ‘fix myself’ or ‘elevate myself’ or ‘gain in value’ through seeking, expecting and demanding ‘value’ to be given to me by others, through relationships, through the eyes of the world.

Therefore I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to separate the point of value/worth from myself; to separate myself from self-worth as the value of life, and to then seek for this value in others, through others – instead of taking self-responsibility and thus Giving that value as self-worth to myself, Living it, Being and Becoming it as who I really am.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed within me/my mind a value-judgment about myself that tells me I am not worthy, I am inadequate, I am not good enough, I am bad, I am inferior, I am not valuable, I do not deserve life –
And I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to expect / want / desire / need from others to give me the assurance that I have value and worth and am good enough and deserve life, instead of Me Giving Life to Myself and Giving myself the permission to Live.
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to abdicate myself and abdicate my self-responsibility, waiting for others / the world / relationships to give me the permission to Live and to ‘feel worthy’.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to define worth within and as an experience of ‘feeling’ which is an energetic experience of/as a ‘state of mind’ thus in fact a mental experience – instead of Living self-worth as an actualized self-realization as life, as self-acceptance and from here thus as an expression of who I am within and as physical practical living and beingness.

Back to the point of the consequences that I am facing. I realize there exists a fear within me that I will “lose everything”–
and here what I see and realize is that I am self-responsible for not embracing that which was given to me and shared with me by my partner, that which was here as him and as our relationship, and that I have instead always had judgments about everything, always wanted something different, something ‘better’, something ‘more valuable’, something ‘more worthy’, something ‘more’ ‘equal’ – but within this I see and realize that I was in fact merely seeing the projections of my own accepted inferiority, inadequacy and self-judgment.
And I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to –after realizing what I have done and that I have ‘lost everything’ because I did not accept and did not embrace everything that was here and shared with me within and as the relationship– dig a deep hole of regret and to wallow within regret, blaming and punishing myself instead of immediately going into actual self-forgiveness and scripting the realized corrective living-application for myself to Live.

So this is what I see on the point of ‘losing everything’ – and that I did not lose anything because I in fact never had anything to begin with, never had it because I did not accept it, I did not honor it, I did not embrace it, I instead judged it and saw it through the ‘I’ of ego-consciousness that I had accepted and allowed myself to be and become as ego within and as polarized ideas and perceptions of ‘inferiority’ and ‘superiority’.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that I am not changing or I cannot change, just because I have fallen more than once within the point of relationships wherein I had used and abused relationships from the starting-point of a mind consciousness personality design that (I) attempted to realize itself through gaining worth / value / acceptance through relationships and thus was imposing its expectations relationships; this design is what I had become through my abdication of myself and the abdication of self-equality and thus my self-responsibility;
Therefore I forgive myself that I´ve accepted and allowed myself to abdicate myself and my self-responsibility and to define relationships as that which will make me complete, as that which will give me worth and value, as that which will allow me to accept myself – instead of me valuing me and accepting me, to within this also allow myself to take self-responsibility and give myself the permission to live and to stand in self-worth as equal to/as life.
I commit myself to take self-responsibility absolute, and to be `the one´ for me, the one to give myself the permission to live, to stand as equal, in self-acceptance and self-worth, in self-realization of/as the value of life.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to make the point of self-change / self-fulfillment subject to relationships, and to attempt to force change within and through relationships, instead of walking actual self-change and giving myself the time and the patience to walk this change that I wanna see within and as myself step by step, breath by breath, in self-acceptance, self-equality, and self-respect.
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to abdicate and lose self-respect and to within this also lose respect for relationships/others.
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that I am not worthy of respect. I see and realize that this/such belief is in fact another maneuver of this conditioned personality design so as to hold on to its/my accepted self-definition of inferiority, inadequacy and unworthiness.
I forgive myself that I´ve accepted and allowed myself to hold on to self-definitions of inferiority, inadequacy and unworthiness due to past experiences that reach as far back as primary school.

I commit myself to let go of these/such self-definitions of inequality, of polarity as `inferiority´-`superiority´ and embrace myself as life, accepting the value of life here as me, and restoring self-respect and self-worth.
I commit myself to respecting myself as life and therefore others as life equally; and I commit myself to assist and support myself in slowing down and stopping any and all reactions coming up within me from/as the mind/consciousness based on the polarity system of inferiority and superiority; and instead –when and as such reactions / thoughts / emotions come-up automatically within me as conditioned/preprogrammed– to breathe and ground myself in the physical reality Here, and allow myself to live self-respect as life and therefore to equally respect others as life, practically, in fact – in thought, word, and deed.
I commit myself to accepting my value as life, and I commit myself to value myself as life in thought, word, and deed. Therefore, when and as thoughts of unworthiness or lack or ‘injustice’ come up within me: I stop, I breathe, and I ground myself Here in the physical reality, reminding myself that I am here as life and thus it is up to me to value myself as life.

I realize that any and all ideas of ‘injustice’ coming up within me as energetic reactions are based on and come from my conditioned consciousness of polarity-systems wherein I have formed perceptions and fears about my value being treated ‘unequally’, and I realize that I am the one that determines my value, either in self-honest self-determination or through acceptance and allowance (which is how the self-definition I am facing and working-with was formed based on past experiences and my acceptance thereof as defining).
I realize that it is me as ego that perceives ‘injustice’ because I see, realize and understand that ego exists within and as self-righteousness and always attempts to ‘be right’, to ‘win’, to ‘validate’ itself, either through projections within the mind or through the interpretation of other people’s words and deeds.
Therefore, when and as I see myself interpreting other people’s words and deeds to be seemingly ‘against me’ or to be seemingly ‘devaluing’ or ‘disregarding’ me: I stop, I  breathe, I walk myself out of the mind and into the physical reality Here, and I stop myself from accepting, believing and following such thoughts, emotions and ideas as well as value-judgments.

I see, realize and understand that my interpretations of others in fact only reflect me back to me, and therefore that which I see in others is in fact that which exists within me as me.
And therefore I commit myself to let go of my nature as ego consciousness and to stop myself from subjecting and submerging myself to and as a polarity-systems of ‘inferiority’ and ‘superiority’ – and I commit myself to apply self-equality and self-acceptance in self-worth as I walk my process breath by breath.

Concluding on the point of Regret, I see, realize and understand that I cannot undo what is already done, and I cannot escape the consequences of myself. I face myself and face my creation as myself. I see, realize and understand that self-forgiveness does not remove consequence. Consequence is the manifestation of one’s creation and must thus inevitably be faced within and as self.
Through self-forgiveness I am merely releasing myself from the judgments, the regret, and the energetic polarity traps of the mind/ego-consciousness, releasing myself from the trap of rewards and punishments, of fears and desires, and set myself free from the past, allowing myself to stand-up, stand equal to my creation, and take self-responsibility to walk the change that I see is required so that I restore self-worth and self-respect, self-dignity as life, in self equality and oneness.

Awesome support and insights on REGRET and how to work with it can be found in these interviews:

Also, some FREE interviews to support with working through self-image (both positive and negative):

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