Donnerstag, 29. August 2013

471 | Self Forgiveness : Letting Go of nEGOtivity





Continuing from
Day 470 | Seeing through Blame and Regret
Day 469 | VerZweiFeln - A State of Mind, a State of Being
Day 465 | Grundeinstellung. The Company I Keep
Day 464 | Letting Go of Knowledge and Embracing Nothingness
Day 463 | The Dark Pit of Regret
Day 462 | Slowing Down to Live Fully
Day 461 | Slow and Steady - Walking MySelf to Freedom




...I blamed myself to such an extent that I started hating myself, within this merely strengthening and `validating´ the already accepted idea / self-belief of `unworthiness´ – a belief which I had developed since childhood and due to which I spent an entire life trying to do things and be things that would apparently `give me value´ and `make me worthy´… It´s amazing how fucked-up ego/consciousness designs can be.
...Ego is not life – because if it were, it would be equal as life and would exist in self-worth and self-value as life and would thus acknowledge this value as life within everyone else equally.
Who we have become as ego-consciousness is an atrocious design, a self-interest based system that feeds off of life in the name of self-interest. It is a shame.
...This is the ultimate point we are faced with within/as humanity, individually and collectively: to transcend the limitations of consciousness, get over ourselves as ego, and embrace ourselves and each-other as life, moving ourselves from self-interest (which is in the interest of the ego/personality /mind/design consciousness and never in the interest of a being as life) and into/as the interest of life as who we really are.


I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to feel ashamed for getting caught up in my mind and creating a fucked-up experience for myself and others through how I’ve interpreted things and the assumptions I made.
I forgive myself that I´ve accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that I am not worthy of forgiveness because I fucked-up.
I forgive myself that I hadn´t allowed myself to see, realize and understand that such thought / belief as such comes from and exists as ego.

I forgive myself that I´ve accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that only if another is able to forgive me am I worthy of forgiveness – and within this I forgive myself that I´ve accepted and allowed myself to abdicate myself and my self-responsibility.
I forgive myself that I´ve accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as `bad´ and to deny myself real, actual forgiveness – and within this I forgive myself that I hadn´t allowed myself to see, realize and understand that I had not forgiven myself every time I would fall into this predisigned pattern and thus I wasn´t able to change because I was still holding on to the idea and belief that I am not worthy of forgiveness, I am a `bad person´ and thus I would again fall into the pattern as if to `prove´ that I am unworthy of forgiveness because look, everything is fucked up and I am fucked up and thus I must be punished.
I forgive myself that I´ve accepted and allowed myself to `punish´ myself and within to go into cycles of self-sabotage instead of actual change.
I forgive myself that I haven´t allowed myself to see, realize and understand that a preprogrammed consciousness design – which is formed and empowered through the attention one gives it by following the particular thoughts and emotional-/feeling-reactions – will `fight for its survival´ and will try and `validate´ and `justify´ itself because this is how we as ego-consciousness exist: as personality characters with particular value-judgments as well as `agendas´ that seek to be fulfilled in order for the ego / consciousness personality to `feel alive´ and `righteous´.

I commit myself to letting go of regret, as I realize that EGO is not only manifested within `superiority´ but also within `inferiority´ and self-victimization, self-pity, self-judgment. Therefore, when and as thoughts and/or emotions come-up within me as conditioned, telling me that I am `not worthy of forgiveness´, that I am a `bad person´, that I am `not worthy of change´: I stop, I breathe, and I bring myself back here, out of the mind, and into the actuality of reality where: I am here and thus able to direct myself in self-honesty and self-respect.

 
…to be continued.





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