Day 7: Self-Sabotage - The Mind will Divide and Conquer until I Stop the Separation

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to exist in complete mistrust of myself and others through constantly being busy in my mind with questioning reality in a way to 'validate' and 'prove right' the personality-backchat in the mind that I have come to realize is set out to 'prove' me a loser, a failure, not worthy of forgiveness, not worthy of love.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to doubt anyone that express affection to me, just to 'prove' within my mind that I am not worthy of affection - when in fact it is I that is not giving me the affection minimum of allowing myself to forgive myself, allowing myself to be 'liked', allowing myself to take some credit, allowing myself to be worthy, allowing myself to accept myself, allowing myself to TRUST.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to through the mind always try and find points that would 'support' my feeling of mistrust, to not have to accept and receive the trust that is being offered to me by another, because apparently I have to validate my mind in thinking and believing that nothing and no one can be trusted and that people always let you down.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to hold on to the memory of my parents as letting me down, and to from this one point walk my life through and as the projected memory and thus the fear of: being let down;

at the same time existing in the desire to trust and be trusted, but never actually allowing myself to practically live that trust as who I am and how I live;

therefore within that I actually exist in constant fear and desire - the desire to trust and be trusted and the fear to be let down: a projected polarity of the mind based on that one point of memory, on which I have based the entire experience of myself, instead of letting go of the memory, forgiving my experience, forgiving myself and moving on to actually live and allow myself to trust reality in common sense without the backchat that is trying to 'prove' people evil and bad within my mind to justify my fear and limitation.

I forgive myself that I haven't allowed myself to realize that the mind is always only creating logic that is trying to prove and validate that which it 'knows', that which it identifies with, be it 'positive' or 'negative', because that is the self-consciousness program that has become alive through repetition and make-belief while the being that self really is becomes suppressed and dominated by a mind consciousness that feeds off the energetic effects produced and experienced within the physical, provided the being that I am follows the reactions and the belief that they are 'real'.

I forgive myself that I haven't allowed myself to realize that what I experience is 'real' only from the perspective that I make it real and it will be real as long as I accept it as such and as long as I give it permission to exist - but in fact that which I experience as reactions and thoughts and emotions is but the mind-set of a conditioned personality that I did not choose or decide to be, but became through 'the sins of the fathers' as the feedback and communication I was exposed to as a child of adults that understood themselves and the world not any better than I do.

I commit myself in letting go of all points I did not directively decide to be/become, and to re-design myself based on equality and oneness, self-dignity, self-respect, self-honesty and practical common sense as best for life;

to stop all self-sabotage, stop the mind-existence of ego as self-consciousness, and birth myself as life, as an equal and integer, accountable and trustworthy individual, as the directive principle of self, as who I really am as life.

I commit myself to removing the chains I keep myself chained onto, both within and without.

I commit myself to stopping myself from following the automated emotions, thoughts/ backchat and behaviors that come up within me - because I realize that the purpose of such secret-mind components is to 'validate', 'justify' and 'prove right' the personalities of mind I have become throughout my life in this world system, whereby I myself have become a system, a system based on wants, needs and desires that are not even my own but were impulsed onto me by my environment, and so I have come to consume life instead of living life, to consume myself instead of living myself, to consume others instead of LOVING others as my neighbor - as Jesus suggested 2000 years ego.

I commit myself to loving myself enough to stop every moment I see myself going into a reaction / thought / emotion that is trying to tell me that I am not getting enough, that I need more, that I cannot trust this or that person because they will let me down, that this or that person do not really like me otherwise they would do this and that... -

and I commit myself to stopping the controls of the backchat that is trying to 'have its way' and 'prove' to me that I am a failure, unworthy, unloved.

I commit myself to not letting myself down - realizing that this whole point reflected through my mind is showing me: myself -

and therefore I commit to living and applying self-trust through stopping the backchat in every breath;

and I commit to living and applying self-worth by not letting myself down.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to let myself down every time I follow the mind of beliefs, thoughts, emotions and all kinds of automated reactions.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to exist within and as self-sabotage and ultimately self-destruction -- where I have become my mind by following the mind yet inside me there is also this being, me, that is oppressed and limited by the mind, and thus I exist in constant inner conflict and mistrust, which is then reflected back to me within my world /my reality for me to see me and Stop.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to expect others to show me I am worthy by 'not letting me down' while I within myself have accepted myself as unworthy and thus have let myself down.

I forgive myself for expecting from others that which I do not give to myself: acceptance, worth, love.

I forgive myself that I haven't allowed myself to give to myself acceptance, to give to myself worth, to give to myself love.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from worth and from acceptance through creating conclusions and self-definitions out of childhood experiences and then existing in an attempt to 'prove me right' - because if I am 'right' then I will be able to blame others as for instance my parents, my childhood, the world, for being who I am and experiencing myself the way I do.

I forgive myself that I haven't allowed myself to realize that only I can give myself self-worth as life; only I can give myself self-acceptance as life; and that I cannot expect from others that which I am not willing to GIVE myself - again a Jesus message from eons of time ago.

I commit myself to stopping the backchat as it is only limiting me to an existence of isolation, self-loathing and spitefulness.

I commit myself to stopping all blame that I project onto others.

I commit myself to stopping self-judgment and all judgment for that matter - to see things for what they are in self-clarity and practical common sense.

I commit myself to stopping my expectations for my desires to be fulfilled by others - and to fulfilling my desires for life as myself: through giving me back to me and standing up to live self-worth, self-acceptance, self-love in the way that I would like to receive it, so that I am also able to give it to others equally and unconditionally.

I commit myself to allowing myself to receive what is given to me by others as a gift of life, be it unconditional sharing, time shared together, feedback or support.

I commit myself to stopping myself from existing in a capitalist, consumerist state of mind wherein I 'measure' everything that is given to me to find it 'unworthy' just because I see myself as 'unworthy'. I stop myself from going into debt within myself and causing the death of life, and I instead choose the death of the lie, the death of the mental possession, the death of the separation, the death of ego as self-consciousness - to birth myself as life, as directive principle, as a self-willed equal, as an expression of real love and compassion, as an expression of self-dignity and respect for life.

I forgive myself that I haven't allowed myself to respect myself as life - only because I've been following the mind and the therein accepted definitions, ideas and judgments - based in comparison and fake values sold to us by the system, instead of accepting and honoring ourselves and each-other as the value of life.

I commit myself to being the giver - both for myself and others.

I commit myself to giving that which I would like to receive.

I commit myself to living that which I would like to receive.

I commit myself to stopping self-pity, self-degradation and this whole loop of self-sabotage - realizing it's gonna take some time, but I will not stop until it's done and I am free from the accepted controls; until I break free from this self-imprisonment I have cast upon myself through the mind; until life as who I am is here as me, and I stand in self-dignity as the directive principle and the oneness of me as I am here, directing all my parts here as equals, united as one as I stand.