Continuing from:
I've observed an interesting 'experience' within my life, basically boiling down to ‘the experience of my life’ with the constant lurking feeling of not being 'enough', like a constant feeling of lack, inadequacy, loss - or perhaps more to the point: the fear of being inadequate, being at loss, not being
'enough'. And from that fear arises (as its opposite polarity) the desire to
'compensate' for all that negativity –
which not only results in a constant stress factor but also in the end it results in the manifestation of that which one fears, just like a self-fulfilling prophecy;
because by the mere acceptance of the words 'not enough' as my living experience, as me, as my life - I had tacitly given permission for those words to be my starting-point, and thus for me to become that.
(Remember: "if you know the beginning, you know the end." In other words, we are here looking at the point of Cause and Effect, and the fact that we always become who we are, meaning that our life's creation is the result of the 'seed' that is our programming; the result of everything that we have accepted about ourselves: judgments, beliefs, limitations, definitions, experiences...)
Now - once I realized that I'd spent a life of restlessness really, I
have since been working on forgiving and letting go of that/such idea and belief and emotional experience, and thus also of the
manifested consequences thereof on physical level.
For instance, I am practicing how to REST effectively, as in: letting-go
and accepting that I am ‘enough’. I am here, therefore I am enough. This way I am supporting
myself to no longer allow myself to be driven by and into the rush of energy and the consequences thereof; but to instead move step by step, breath by breath, simplistically grounded – a
most challenging approach for the mind lol
In this process I am learning to truly be with me and to be here for me; learning to embrace myself and to accept that
I am here and that I am ‘enough’; to thus also practically support myself and live constructively.
And by living this application - for a moment letting go, Breathing, simply Being Here with Me, embracing myself in self-acceptance - even for one moment every now and then throughout my
day: assists me in establishing that equilibrium, that self-acceptance of "I am here, therefore I am enough" as my starting-point, as my
ground, my foundation, wherein I know who I am: I am here breathing, and that is ENOUGH.
Within this, I am discovering self-contentment - which is quite an
interesting experience that I had never known this way, as I was always kinda
extending myself 'out there', trying and trying and trying to make it all 'more'.
What a mindfuck!
As I said, in my life I always had the accepted experience that “I am not
enough” and “my life is not enough” and “things are not going well enough” and
“I am not loved enough” etc. so that I constantly had the experience
of “not enough” with the result that I’d always be in a state of projecting
myself into ‘something more’ lol very tiresome shit – so now I finally get to
the point of re-training myself to live self-contentment and self-support for
real, grounding myself and no longer ‘running after’ ‘something more’ or not
being able to stop working or thinking or trying to figure things out in my mind – I am
practicing the STOP.
So I can now do and enjoy simple things in my life, like for example wrapping myself into my
cozy blanket and reading a book and really enjoying the comfort of the blanket and my reading of my book without thoughts distracting me from the here-moment; or giving myself a
nice oil massage after an evening shower and enjoying the self-contentment of how I support myself as a physical being.
From here, I see that I am now getting to the 'real questions', because really: What am I doing for me? How do I treat me? Who am I with and toward
myself? Who and how do I want to be/live?
Because as long as that self-relationship is not in equilibrium, is not in equality and oneness - How can we expect to have fulfilling relationships in our lives? How can we give to anyone else, if we cannot really GIVE to ourselves?
Yes, I know, it IS simplistic, however it’s one thing to ‘know’ these
things intellectually, and quite another to actually live and apply them, and
make them a real living part of ‘Who I Am’!
So, in terms of self-support, I would really suggest for anyone reading this to have a look at the above 'questions to self', and look at the already manifested answers: as how that self-relationship was being lived thus far. Look at this in self-honesty and really investigate whether you've really been supporting yourself unconditionally. THEN, look at redefining the answers into actual self-support by CHANGING how you live your answers and establishing a real self-relationship of equilibrium, of oneness and equality within self.
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