Day 9: Open Wounds and Quick Fixes | Patience ...without being a patient

In my process I’ve been lately facing the consequences of myself head-on and there’s certain things that is gonna take time to change, and there’s things that’s gonna take time to be formed.

Within this I am finding myself impatient, but most fascinating is that I discovered that this impatience is connected to the emotional experience of ‘failure’ that has been coming up lately when I look at my life.

I am head on faced with my own creation, and it’s not cool. The tendency then is to want things to change immediately, and/or even change through external factors. Which is also not cool.

Now – it’s one thing to look at it this way, and another to be stuck in the experience of ( as the result of backchat: ) one’s life being a failure, having no one really in one’s life because one has not been here but has isolated oneself - it’s like being literally trapped within oneself while life goes on and everybody else too.

I’ve existed within this bubble my whole life. Only now I am seeing it.

It’s fascinating what ‘shift’ of perception/reality an emotional charge enforces, and also that it is the repetition of the same thought patterns that charge the emotional response and vice versa. So it’s a vicious cycles through which one creates alternate bubble-realities of self-entrapment – until one stop.

When one stop, it doesn’t mean all respective experience disappears.

It takes many breaths of corrective application as the re-alignment of self in practical terms, re-defining who one is in actuality through what one does and how one does what one does, before one can re-form one’s existence, one’s world into something that is the result of creating / living-creation in willfulness and clarity. Something one can be proud of in terms of freedom, dignity and contentment.

So it is obvious common sense that PATIENCE is required.

Impatience can be a real bugger, because through impatience (which is in essence a rush for quick fixes, a race-for-salvation type of panic stretched out through time) we easily allow ourselves to follow thoughts and emotions in the belief that they may be holding the key to our ‘salvation’.

What we don’t consider thereby is that the solution must come from self-honesty and self-clarity, the solution must be: self, living the solution as ‘who I am’.

What we don’t consider thereby is that those thoughts and emotions that come-up as response have been there before and their purpose is to either drag you down into ‘inferiority’ and ‘powerlessness’ or to push you up into ‘superiority’ and illusions of ‘grandeur’.

And so we become a PATIENT within impatience. Mentally dis-eased, swinging between polarity moods, trapped in a personality suit of black or white.

The solution to impatience is patience – without however being a patient. Without being a loser, a whiner, a “it’s all about me, me, me”-troll, a great pretender or Inspector Gadget.

So we require to redefine Patience to stop existing as patients;

to live patience as who we are in every moment of breath as we walk in real-time to self-realize / real-I-see.

Patient:

pace-end

Ending the race, standing stable Here, setting a new pace: to walk breath by breath, one breath at a time.

Patience:

pace-and-see

Walk in breath and See what is Here

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to run for quick-fixes.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to exist within a race against myself.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to be prisoner of time, instead of realizing the simplicity of walking step by step, one breath at a time.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to ‘panic’ when I look at my life.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to judge my life as a ‘failure’.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as ‘unhappy’.

I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to realize that I create the feeling of ‘unhappy’ the moment I accept that I have to look for something ‘more’, something to ‘fulfill’ me, something through which to gain more ‘worth’ and ‘be happy’ – but in whose eyes?

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to look at myself through the mind’s eye, in judgment and spite.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to spite others for being in my eyes ‘happy’ or ‘successful’.

I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to realize that we all reap what we saw and therefore it is common sense that each is walking through the manifested consequences of what each has created. It is therefore self-evident that I am ‘only’ facing myself.

I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to give myself time to face myself, and that I have searched for a quick fix as if there could be a way to avoid facing the manifested consequences of who I am.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to judge the manifested consequences of who I am – instead of simply seeing things for what they are, learning the lesson, and moving on to actually make a difference, in my own life and beyond.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to for a long time hide within myself all the sadness and hate that I had accumulated throughout my younger years, and that I have instead chosen to simply ‘function’ and thus I diminished myself to just functioning and did not allow any intimate relationships with others so as to not have to face that sadness and hate of myself.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to hate my life.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to hate myself.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to be trapped into cycles of thoughts and emotions that seem to want to prove that I am a ‘failure’ and this it is ‘justified’ to hate my life.

I forgive myself for regretting not having realized the self-sabotage sooner.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to blame and judge myself – instead of realizing that such attitude is part of the self-sabotage and must be stopped in the moment.

I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to stop the cycles of such self-sabotage because then I would have to face the truth of myself, the manifested consequences of who I am, and I fear that.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to fear myself.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to fear my past.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to fear my future.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to fear time, and thus I’ve been running in time, running after time, running behind time, losing time – instead of realizing that I can only be in real-time when I walk breath by breath, one breath at a time.

Then I am equal with time, as real-time, here in every moment – and within self-equality and oneness I can be here, thus I can be patient. And when I live patience, I do not HAVE to BE patient – I simply walk step by step. And when impatience comes up, I stop, I breathe, I remind myself that I am here, and that I can only walk one step at a time, breath by breath.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to become impatient as a reaction/mechanism of rushing, thinking and believing that the ‘hell’ of walking through the manifested consequences of myself can in any way be shortened when I rush and race in time.

I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to realize that real change has to be walked into creation in real-time: walk the talk.

I commit myself to walking the talk and integrating my realizations into practical living application immediately as I write something out.

I commit myself to flagging the moments that trigger fear, that trigger rushing, that trigger the activation of ‘survival-mode’ that makes us all into these zombified mind-monsters – because through flagging the trigger I place myself in a position of recognizing the trigger and stopping myself in the moment, stopping myself from going into ‘survival-mode’, fear or rushing.

I commit myself to understanding and recognizing my fears and how they were formed/created, so as to stop their re-creation and walk the self-correction of stopping the concepts and illusions attached to the fears; to get myself out of the mind and into reality – to live actual solutions into beingness as a new way of life that will be supporting life, not fear.

I commit myself to slowing down and walking breath by breath, one breath at a time; while I walk through the manifested consequences of myself and experience all that which I had denied and suppressed within myself; while I forgive myself for suppressing and denying myself; while I stand up to walk a new creation, a new way of life, a new way of me, a new way of co-existing and interacting with each-other.

I commit myself to opening myself up and daring to stand here, in the middle of the fire, embracing the fire as I am it; while I purify myself through self-honesty, self-forgiveness, corrective living application and self-respect as life.

I commit myself to establishing self-trust through/as applied self-honesty and practical common sense, as I live and within how I live every moment here in my living reality in every breath.

I commit myself to sharing myself with the people that enter my world, so that we may all start opening up and stopping the denial of the world and the suppression of self we’ve been maintaining while in survival-mode.

I commit myself to supporting and bringing forth a solution for this world that would allow all to stop existing in survival-mode and start LIVING for Real!