Day 525 | Lifting the veil in Relationships

When we have a new relationship and especially in spending a lot of space and time together or living together - in the beginning you have the 'bliss phase' where everything is so amazing and the sex is just amazing and you want to be with each other all the time –to where you start becoming irritated, when you start seeing the weaknesses in another or when you're not getting what you want, or how you want it, or when you want it….

A friend was talking to me about this recently, and I have had similar experiences/reactions within relationships. When I heard my friend ‘blaming the partner’ and ‘feeling powerless’, I remembered what I had found for myself as an inherent/conditioned pattern/state – where I had the tendency to see/experience (and thus also place) myself as the ‘victim’, whose needs and desires are not being fulfilled ‘as expected’ - and ‘the victim’ is now throwing an ‘inner tantrum’ because it's not getting what it wants.

What I could see, realize and understand through investigating this pattern is that I was expecting things/responses from another but I wasn't communicating them effectively, so the other had difficulty understanding me and being with me. I often felt like the other was not understanding me, but what I wasn't seeing (BECAUSE I was in the victim-role) is that I was seeing/placing (and thus also using) my partner as 'the fulfiller'; in this I saw that I was abdicating my self responsibility and was projecting it onto my partner. And also, this kept me from really seeing and understanding my partner for who they are and what they experience and the process they go through.

Within this whole pattern of co-dependency and self-abdication, I saw how the 'failure' and 'disappointment' was already programmed in.

There’s several things I learned:

I realized that I wasn't being clear and direct with another, rather I was trying to manipulate the other’s responses to 'get what I want' so that I can 'feel worthy' or feel that things are ‘fair’.

I also found that I was actually the one creating the very negative experiences I was fearing/expecting. And there was something like always expecting to be disappointed/betrayed/not given 'the attention I need'.

So what I then realized is, I must take absolute responsibility for myself and my life - and give ME attention, give My Life attention the it needs.

Interestingly enough, in the responses I was expecting from my partner - I was wanting/desiring attention, acceptance, care; but I found I wasn't LIVING those things for myself, I wasn't giving them to myself and so I was looking for that outside of myself. And when I didn't get them I was feeling sorry for myself - which also shows the value/worth that I was giving myself (or rather, NOT giving).

So another thing I learned is that first I must 'give it' - then I can 'receive it'.

The practical self-correction I realized was to 'give it to myself', like, I looked at what is it really that I want, what do I want to experience, what do I want to create - and then find ways to express that, to live that – by taking responsibility for it, as myself. Also by communicating myself more clearly to others = in a direct way, instead of trying to manipulate emotionally.

I found that by placing myself in the position of 'the giver' (the giver first and foremost to ME, to MY LIFE and LIVING) - I can take back my responsibility and thus also my power. This is totally different from the disempowerment I had experienced in that relationship-pattern.

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Day 497 | What do Your Judgments say about You?

Continuing from 

Day 494 | Do You JUDGE Yourself?  

Day 495 | Do You Think Positive Judgment is Innocent?
Day 496 | Do You Judge You, or Do You Create You?

In the previous posts we’ve looked at some examples of ‘positive’ and ‘negative’ judgments, as in for instance:

 “I’m afraid I won’t be up to that” –

How likely is it that one will fail or won’t be as effective or as successful as one could be, simply because one has within one’s mind and within one’s reality (through speaking and/or through acting or not-acting) already accepted that 1. “I am afraid” and 2. “I am inferior”. One has, per implication, placed oneself as ‘less than’ the task at hand.

or

“I am the most attractive female/male in this gathering” –

Now why would one have such a thought in the first place? Let’s see:

What would happen if one was not the most attractive male/female? What if there were males/females there in comparison to whom one would find oneself ‘less attractive’? Do you see where I’m getting to? And isn’t such a ‘positive’/’superior’ thought (“I am the most attractive female/male in this gathering”) merely revealing a hidden inferiority of self, indicating per implication that “...phew, I won’t have to worry about competition” or “I won’t have to feel inferior or threatened” etc. So the ‘positive’ experience merely covers-up a suppressed or hidden ‘negative’ experience; and a ‘positive’ judgment is equally a judgment as a ‘negative’ one.

So the point that I would like to emphasize here is that our judgments never in fact define OTHERS; our judgments (even if directed/addressed toward others) always only reveal who WE are.

And if you can see what I’m saying here, don’t go OMG I am so full of judgement, lol, really – we all are. Our education systems and our consumerism societies – our entire world system of profit – depends upon us judging ourselves and each-other and thus disempowering ourselves and each-other. I mean, if the world existed of individuals standing in self-worth and valuing self and each-other as life: this world would be a whole different place, wouldn’t it?

So it is simply to see and acknowledge the fact, and from here to look into understanding how the problem is created, as it is from here that we are able to move towards creating and living solutions –

solutions that will be self-empowering, solutions that will support LIFE and Living and not systems of separation and abuse.

It is simply to understand the point of judgment/judging and how it in fact only defines ‘the judge’ (=our own minds).

So don’t just start suppressing or even judging the judgments that you see coming up in your mind, lol, but simply realize that we can practically utilize our own judgments to learn and understand ourselves and our own minds, to see and realize our own acceptances and allowances and the polarities and value-systems we keep in place within ourselves /our minds, as well as to acknowledge where, when, how and why we give our power away to such mental constructs, and what the consequences are in our lives and the lives of others.

So this is an interesting dimension to look at (what our judgments actually reveal of ourselves), and it is something we can use from the starting-point of seeing what our judgments reveal FOR ourselves, meaning: 

turning the judgement into a gift, and thus turning the ‘problem’ into a ‘solution’.

We can within that utilize what we’ve come to see, realize and understand through our introspection and the self-honest investigation of our own judgments as a GIFT for ourselves –

a gift with which we can assist and support ourselves to expand, to grow, to change; to in fact start (re-)creating ourselves in AWARENESS.

Another interesting point to look at in this context is:

What is it that we are, generally, saying when we are judging?

We are saying either that we ‘like’ or that we ‘dislike’ something-something. What does THAT say? It says that we either want something to CHANGE or that we want something to NOT-CHANGE; and looking at this last one point more specifically it’s actually about that we FEAR something/someone changing.

Interesting, no?

So judgment/judging boils down to the polarity of Wanting/Desiring something/someone to change (because we judged it in some way as ‘negative’) and Fear of something/someone changing (because we judged that something/someone in some way as ‘positive’, and we now fear losing that ‘positive’).

So this is an interesting point to take into consideration when investigating our judgments.

What we can also see here is that judgment is always about the point of ‘superiority’ and ‘inferiority’, it’s about a ‘more than’ and a ‘less than’ – thus it is always about ‘value’.

Could it be that there is something wrong with our value systems? Where do they even come from?

Understanding our value-systems and understanding how POLARITY works within ourselves (Mind system) and our reality (World system) is of great support, and I will expand more on this point in blogs to come. 

For the moment, I end this post with a reminder:

We either JUDGE ourselves, or we CREATE ourselves.

And it’s fascinating that when we judge something / someone / ourselves we in a way feel righteous and powerful, but truly: We have no influence on that which we judge, because judgment in itself is powerlessness, is limitation, is separation, and most importantly it is lack of understanding.

As long as we judge something, we do not have the power to change it.

As soon as we understand it, as soon as we see and embrace it in equality and oneness: we have the power to CHANGE.

Interestingly enough, we are ALWAYS the ones CREATING ourselves, creating our experiences.

The question is:

are we creating in self-directive AWARENESS and Self-Responsibility, or are we creating indirectly through our ignorance and denial, through all that which we unquestionably accept and allow to come up and exist within our minds, ourselves, our lives, without our awareness being the directive authority?

  

...


Check out the Desteni I Process Lite – a FREE course that will assist humanity to end the disaster of a dysfunctional consciousness.

You may be interested in the daily process blogs that people from around the world share, check it out:

Destonians - The Earthlings

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*To share perspectives and ask questions visit the Forum

*For support and participation see the desteniIprocess

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http://earthsjourneytolife.blogspot.com

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Day 496 | Do You Judge You, or Do You Create You?

Continuing from 

Day 494 | Do You JUDGE Yourself? and  

Day 495 | Do You Think Positive Judgment is Innocent?

Day 494 | Do You JUDGE Yourself?

Day 494 | Do You JUDGE Yourself?

Day 494 | Do You JUDGE Yourself?

Day 494 | Do You JUDGE Yourself?

Here I am having a look at the implications and consequences of judgment / self-judgment.

Perhaps it’s easier to start with looking at the point of ‘judging others’. What I realized is that every time I judge another – and remember, this is both ‘negative’ AND ‘positive’ judgments- opinions- ideas- perceptions – I am limiting them to mainly that ONE point I perceive them as. Within this, I am in fact taking away from them, and from me, the opportunity to see another for who they are, with all their strengths and weaknesses.

So what can be seen here is that every opinion –idea –perception we hold in our minds about another is in itself a judgment; And that every judgment is an act of limitation, an act that takes away the opportunity to look at something with an ‘open mind’.

When we look at something/someone through the lens of judgment, we disable ourselves from seeing things for what they are, in their entirety.

By judging others, we can’t see them for who they are, and we can’t see/ realize/ understand how they came to be who and how they are. But that would be the only way in which we are able to truly assist and support another in their life/situation, and/or to learn from others / learn from others’ lives and within this accelerate our own processes, thus equally supporting ourselves and others to grow, expand, and flourish to the utmost potential.

Looking at self-judgment, we can see that it’s no different really to the point of ‘judging others’.

From the perspective that, when we judge ourselves – and again: this goes both for ‘negative’ AND ‘positive’ judgment – we limit ourselves and take away the opportunity of seeing beyond the judgment.

I mean, it should be obvious: Whenever I hold an opinion/idea/thought/belief about myself – all of that being in essence: judgment – I accept and allow that opinion/idea/thought/belief to define me, and within that: to control me, my behaviour, my decisions, my choices. Within that, thus, I limit myself, and abdicate the directive principle through and as which I’d be able to in self-honesty look at all my options and all relevant points and make a constructive decision that will truly assist and support me in growing and expanding myself toward my full potential.

So, what I am actually saying here is: We either JUDGE ourselves, or we CREATE ourselves.

And it’s fascinating that when we judge something / someone / ourselves, we in a way feel righteous and powerful, but truly: We have no influence on that which we judge, because judgment in itself is powerlessness, is limitation, is separation, and most importantly it is lack of understanding.

As long as we judge something, we do not have the power to change it.

As soon as we understand it, as soon as we see and embrace it in equality and oneness: we have the power to CHANGE it.

Check out the Desteni I Process Lite – a FREE course that will assist humanity to end the disaster of a dysfunctional consciousness.

You may be interested in the daily process blogs that people from around the world share, check it out:

Destonians - The Earthlings

Join us in the Journey to Life !


*To share perspectives and ask questions visit the Forum

*For support and participation see the desteniIprocess

MUST-READ on Life and Creation:

http://creationsjourneytolife.blogspot.com

http://earthsjourneytolife.blogspot.com

http://heavensjourneytolife.blogspot.com
http://desteni.org/articles

Visit my other Blog sites:
http://breath-expression.blogspot.com
http://equal-money-revolution.blogspot.com
http://EarthGlobalReview.wordpress.com