So, looking at ‘my expectations’, I realized that my
expectations, even the relevant ones, are always some idealized ideas and I
remembered what once Sunette told me on the farm, quite in the beginning – that
I was walking my day in a way as if I at the beginning of the day would
project myself into some idea/ideal of who I am supposed to be /how the day is
supposed to be - and then constantly being in the 'reach-out', like projected 'out
there'.
So instead of living the relevant expectations - I had
used the point of value as in the word ‘enough’ to sabotage myself and keep
myself small, while I could keep on 'dreaming'/'imagining' the 'perfection or
perfect conditions'.
Which now reminds me of something Bernard once said to
me - "it's about who you are when things are NOT perfect..."
Also - within walking and deconstructing the word
‘enough’, I can see once again how the solution is always multiple times
simpler than the problem - like here with my definitions of the word ‘enough’
as 'problem' in my mind, and the actual definition of the word’s expression as
the 'solution' in the physical: where I can say “this is enough! I now direct
and change this!”
So what I have found is that, okay, all my
expectations are mental projections and exist in the context of ‘perfection’ –
and in working with the word ‘ENOUGH’ I diffused the
polarity (where ‘perfection’ is the positive-polarity of ‘not being enough’,
all in the light of validation and a ‘value’ separate from self-worth as life)
–
so all my expectations are mental projections and
exist in the context of ‘perfection’ – but I can transform that which was
merely a positive projection into practical positive change.
I realize and understand that perfection is a process,
and that I am able to practically live a process of self-perfection through
self-commitment in the simplest moments in my everyday life, in all aspects of
my life in fact. This perfection process is an equal and one process, there is
no projected positivity or comparison to some superior ideal; it is simply the
understanding of what it will take to create/manifest/experience/live that
which one wants to live/develop/manifest as real value, and then realizing one
can only walk this self-perfection process breath by breath – taking
responsibility for one breath at a time, one point at a time. It is possible to
live and walk in real-time. We are still far from that.
So – looking at what the word Expectations
practically/physically express – I mean in common sense how can you practically
expect something that you didn’t create/initiate? – I see that I require to
effectively re-assess/structure my expectations based on and aligned with what
physically exists and what is physically possible in my physical reality/world
as well as who I am and what my abilities and qualifications are currently.
In other words, I can expect that which I am already
busy creating/initiating/manifesting – or just accepting and allowing in
ignorance and unawareness.
I realize thus that Expectations in practical common
sense should be aligned with the projected accumulation of that which I am busy
living and manifesting – in every moment, with every breath.
And things take time in physical reality, thus it is
to not
have expectations as mental projections ‘out there’ to mentally and emotionally
distract me from being here in every moment!
So here, I redefine
the words ‘my expectations’ from being an inflated/superior projection of
myself ‘out there’ in separation from Me Here whereby I within that in fact
implied that Me Here is ‘less than’/inferior – to simply be the projected
result of that which I have committed myself to live/accumulate in the various
aspects of my life and living.
Therefore, my
expectations should equal the calculated consequences as cause & effect,
whereby I am the directive principle.
The
word/expression of ‘My Expectations’ thus also entails Self-Responsibility.
It is because I can see the
accumulation/result/consequences of my participation in my world/reality that I
realize: I have/I place these particular expectations upon myself/upon these
particular aspects of my life because I take responsibility for myself/for these
particular points.
I therefore realize that I am responsible for each and
every point that I am faced-with throughout my life; and that in the context of
LIFE as Value I require to be response-able in every moment as I live and
participate in my world/reality. It doesn’t mean I have to say ‘yes’ to
everything that crosses my way but it does mean to in any case make a directive
decision and make a stand = determine who I am in the context of that moment/point/situation.
Because that moment is about to have an effect on myself as well as has an
effect on another’s life. Will I subject myself and others/another to ‘coincidence’,
to preprogrammed patterns? Or will I make a decision as to who I am as in how I
stand in relation to the moment/point and how I will direct myself and thus the
context too into a best outcome that is supportive of LIFE in that it allows
for communication, for expansion, for potential, for growth and real self
expression.
This brings us back to the point of Self
Responsibility – Next post to follow.
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