589 | Self forgiveness to lift the veils

Continuing from my previous post where I shared the context for the following process of self forgiveness:

 

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed an ‘enemy’ construct to exist in my mind as me, where the others are always the ‘enemy’ and I am always right and righteous; where I think I know what’s best and whoever challenges my containment of what I see as ‘right’ in ‘my world’ or ‘life’ in general, is then perceived as a threat and so I must defend and protect my world and my knowledge and my view of the world and reality, thinking and believing that that which is challenging me poses a threat to my ‘survival’ or my ‘righteousness’;

And I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to really look into that challenge and turn it into the gift of expanding my awareness, expanding my understanding, making sure I see into all the dimensions of any given point and see the picture that my reality and my world consist of and exist as, as well as my role and location within it and thus my responsibility.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand the actuality of what my experience was showing and revealing to me when encountering information that is ‘beyond me’; where I felt that I was bashing against an invisible wall, and what is beyond that wall barely touches my awareness; where I can’t grasp it, or see it, or realize it’s here.

And because it’s ‘invisible’ I project/perceive a fogginess/fuzziness of mind, where my mind then projects like a ‘veil’ across that entire ‘wall’ that represents knowledge and understanding of a point that I haven’t yet become aware of; a dimension and perspective of my world and reality that I haven’t yet realized as me, as here, as reality.

And so within that, I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand how that experience of a ‘wall’, of an ‘unknown’ or ‘unfathomable’ point caused me to react in ‘protection and defense’ of ‘my reality’, ‘my view’, ‘my understanding’ and thus my ‘righteousness’; where my mind, because I reacted with ‘fogginess’ and ‘fuzziness’ and ‘resistance’ or ‘defense’, basically giving up on the point and not truly challenging it equally as it is challenging to me – my mind then projects and perpetuates the veil that keeps me from seeing beyond what I already ‘know’ and have come to believe is ‘true’ and ‘real’ and ‘all that exists’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that it is the defense mechanisms of the system itself that exist through and as me to ensure the world (and so also ‘I’) continues to spin ‘as is’, ‘keeping the world go round’ and thus remaining within the bounds and limitations of that which ‘is’ – and currently that which ‘is’ is still a system of deception, control, and separation, and so it is within and as ourselves that we are able to start transcending that separation, disengaging the controls and opening up to all relationships of our world to see, realize and understand how within our very existence we ourselves contribute to maintaining a deceptive, fraudulent systems that mines and undermines life.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to exist within survival mode; within a state of mining to ‘live’, out of the belief that ‘this is how I survive’ and ‘it’s the only way’ because ‘everyone else is doing it’; where within that I remain resistant toward anything that might offer new ways, radical change, or something that has never been done before; and remain ‘defensive’ especially if such ‘new ways’ demand that I make an effort in awareness to move beyond my limitations and my conditioning and my beliefs about how things function in the world and what ‘reality’ is.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to not challenge my own knowledge and understanding of ‘my world’ and the world in general or even of life and living as such, or to think and believe that some things are just ‘too big’ and ‘too vast’ for me to understand or for anyone to understand.

And so I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to react to people who seem to indeed be moving beyond such limitations and indoctrinated views of the world, challenging me and my own views and perceptions.

And so within this I also forgive myself that I haven’t truly allowed myself to unconditionally challenge any and all beliefs, opinions, and ideas within myself. That I had not allowed myself to give ALL beliefs and opinions that exist within myself an equal questioning and investigation as to their reality proof and practical potential as well as their capacity to manifest best-for-all solutions without harm, loss, or debt.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to approach such challenges through the ‘enemy construct’, where I then put up a guard and go into a ‘protection and defense’ mode for ‘what’s mine’ (whether that’s knowledge or beliefs or understanding or survival mechanisms), where I am then in fact ‘fighting for my limitations’ while I continue to ‘mine’ within the system as a system, keeping the system running as the world as we know it.

And so I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to fight for my limitations, where I wasn’t seeing how my very knowledge and understanding constituted my limitation, my ‘reality’ bounds, the limits of my ability, and kept me from opening up and deepening my understanding, substantiating my  knowledge, growing, expanding, emerging as directive principle in awareness as life to encompass truly ALL that is HERE – because only then can I truly change it, transform it, as me and my world, and this one reality we all share.

I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to see, realize and understand that we live in a time within our collective process where every choice matters, every decision counts, because where we put our energy and time and money and intention into, that which we give attention to, is that which manifests and grows;

And so we have the absolute responsibility to make sure we strengthen and grow solutions that are best for LIFE, which are already available and are being built and developed and lived into creation through people working together;

We have the responsibility to investigate thoroughly and in clarity of mind any option of the ‘old system’ that we may still need to participate in before we make such decision and commitment. For there are already alternatives being implemented, we just have to reach out and do the research, connect with like-minded people and groups, and work together.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that to make it in this world I have to accept the rules of the game and participate with the debt/money that the system has taught me to ‘create’ and to ‘need’, where I think and believe that I have to become ‘something’ or ‘someone’ and be more or less ‘famous’ or ‘unique’ and charge a ‘high price’ to have me be ‘proven’ to be ‘a star’ – not realizing and understanding that no matter how noble my intents within myself, so long as I do what I do out of survival, out of desperation, or even the need to ‘fix’ something or ‘save face’; I am not truly living, nor creating a true alternative that can stand the test of time and be a sustainable, best-for-all solution.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that there is no other way to survive and ‘make it’ in this world but to participate in the system ‘as is’ and that I have to ‘prove’ myself to the system and the world as we know it before I can be equal to the world and that which is here;

Instead of realizing and understanding that my equality with and within the world as we know it is within understanding and self reflecting its very nature, its very existence, as well as my own existence and nature in relation to it.

I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to take it all the way when it comes to the realization that we can only change the world as we change ourselves, and what changing oneself entails, holistically so.

I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to see, realize and understand the full scope of what it means that the entire world system exists through and as self, through and as who WE are and how WE participate and co-exist;

And so within this I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to take my world studies and reflection only to an extent but not all the way, because if I were to take it all the way it would mean that I would have to make serious considerations about what I do and how I do it, in this one life that we each have;

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that some things cannot yet be forgiven, because how can I forgive something that I do not even see/realize; and so within this, I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to take it for granted that when small moments or points in my life challenge my beliefs and my view of the world I will react with resistance and activate the ‘defense’ systems and project the ‘veils’ that keep me from seeing further than MINE, further than my OWN beliefs and opinions and views of the world;

Not seeing, realizing or understanding that in the conditioning of such reaction within the small moments of my life I have conditioned the ‘system protection’ itself that will ensure I am unable to see or investigate different perspectives or new ways beyond MINE.

I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to even consider that there may be such points where I am not yet seeing the whole picture of how this world systems functions; that there may be ways and alternatives that already brought to life, living that which I had envisioned or known within myself to be best-for-all but hadn’t yet seen ‘How-to’ get there;

And so within this I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to be resistant to open up  in groups /with people, and to go into ‘defense’ mode when my beliefs and perceptions are being challenged.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to react to people or groups that do show they’ve done /are doing their research, that they’re walking new paths to solutions, working together and inviting others to join them.

So within this I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to ‘feel good’ in my OWN small groups where I am more easily ‘defined’ or ‘accepted’ especially as groupings tend to form around agreement of opinions/beliefs that require validation.

And I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to place such relationships before LIFE itself, for ‘fear of survival’, instead of opening myself up to LIFE as a whole, starting with myself and my own self honesty; where I no longer need or desire to define myself based on a group or a belief or an opinion but rather I expand myself in awareness to truly encompass the bigger picture of how it all fits together, within and without –

as from there holistic and sustainable solutions can emerge that will truly be best for LIFE.

588 | ‘Lifting the veils’ – transcending our self separation

Continuing from my previous posts [581 - 587] I wanted to share a little bit about a certain point and the experience through which I had to walk within it.

This point is in relation with studying and integrating new information that I was coming across and that was initially beyond my current view/understanding of the world.

I found that initially I wasn’t giving it much time/effort other than the going over the information and taking it in, it wasn’t very tangible to me, although it made absolute sense in terms of context and alignment.

With time, it started getting easier to place the information into more practical context, but still it all seemed ‘too big’ to grasp or to seriously consider applying as self. So it did take me a while to truly “kick-start” and it had been a process where I constantly had to push through my inner resistances and comfort zones.

It’s been a long process with many resistances, but I kept pushing through my mind patterns and limitations and also challenging myself where I was being challenged by others and the knowledge/information they share. So I just kept on wanting to understand, and as I kept studying the material and getting involved, I’ve been able to establish really cool communications and better integration and insight of the subject and the learning processes (though I should rather say un-learning, lol).

I am sharing this because it seems like this point is layered into our beingness as literally a ‘system-protection’, where the ‘old’ system, the ‘old’ ways (aka conflict, separation, war, divide & conquer, superiority-inferiority power-games, blame, etc., read: ego consciousness and the world as we know it) is always defended, protected, taken into ‘defense’. And there is resistance toward everything that challenges our beliefs or that goes beyond our accepted limitations.

I can’t say when exactly the point ‘turned’ for me where I now was able to see/hear and get what is being presented and applied, and also that all of that is applicable to me and everyone equally – in awareness as life. But it definitely has been a long process, longer than I was even aware of walking.

I want to try and describe my experience within it, as I believe others may be able to relate. For me it was something literally like a ‘veil’, as if there’s an ‘invisible wall’, but what's on the other side is barely touching your awareness. And when it does: the system-protection kicks-in, in its unique expression/form that is ‘you’. You go into ‘defense’. It happens on the resonant level.

So it’s been a physical experience for me the whole time while the points weren’t conscious / weren’t in my awareness from the beginning, in fact most of the time I wasn't even aware I was walking a path toward this point, this current awareness and alignment.

However I have now seen and proven that it is possible to ‘overcome’ or move beyond that ‘something’ that has the power and the hold to have people not see/realize the depth of what is here as ourselves, and how it’s all intricately interconnected, within as without.

But it's very interesting how that works, there is really a veil existent that keeps us holding onto that which we idolize and believe in (for whatever reason) and that keeps us from seeing/hearing beyond what we already know/perceive – and the source of this veil is ourselves, it is SELF, and our own relationship to the mind within and the world without.

So I hope that by sharing this here it will assist others to consider that even though such veils exist as the limitations we had accepted and allowed of ourselves and our world, where we compromised life’s full potential, OUR full potential as life – we do have the tools to accelerate our ‘break-through’ and push through resistances to transcend the separation we had accepted and allowed, so that we ‘return to source’ and take directive principle in self responsibility as life for life.

In the next post I will share some self forgiveness to further deconstruct such constructs that I’ve faced in this process and have been walking through since, so as to release myself from the boundaries and limitations of such constructs, fictions, and frictions and to truly live my full potential as a living being – sourcing and creating from that the change I want to see in the world.

587 | Self Forgiveness for True Enlightenment

  LOL this was hopefully a catchy title to have you go “what the…?” – but, to be sure, I am continuing from my previous two posts
 

585 | In defense of my enlightenment

and

586 | You don’t become enlightened by imagining light, but by becoming aware of the darkness

and here I’m deconstructing the points further through self forgiveness:

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to seek enlightenment as something separate from me, thinking and believing that something within me or without is ‘hidden’ or ‘in the dark’ and thus I must ‘seek’ and ‘find’ and ‘bring to light’, wherein I separate myself from that which is ‘hidden’ and then think and believe that I have to ‘go somewhere’ or seek ‘out there’ to see truth; instead of realizing it is ‘hidden in plain sight’ but has been fragmented, scattered, compartmentalized within and as the systems that we have accepted and allowed to be our ‘consciousness’ within and our ‘government’ without, whereby that which ‘veils’ the entirety of what is here is nothing other than our own conditioned and preprogrammed ego systems and constructs of separation / polarization.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to submerge myself to the power-games of this world, thinking and believing I must play the game in order to ‘survive’, not considering that the change we want to see in the world and in our societies can only come through and from the individual participants, you and me, and how we entertain and found our relationships within our world.

Within this I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to entertain my relationships based on the systems of separation and the power-games of this world, where each one seeks self-interest only, not realizing that the ‘pursuit of happiness’ can only be accomplished if we work together and transform the structures of our world in a way that will substantially and sustainably benefit everyone equally, as life, as one.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed a consciousness of lack and scarcity to dictate what is and what is not possible for who I am and what/how my world is; and that I haven’t investigated to the end how such lack and scarcity constructs emerged in the first place.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to, within ‘survival mode’, entertain ‘defense and protection mechanisms’ within my mind and living, wherein I’ll always rise in defense of that which I already ‘know’, of my beliefs and opinions and judgments and fears; and so have existed in righteousness and arrogance, instead of realizing the limitations of my separation and the consequences of my ‘defense’;

wherein ‘defense’ as such places me in a position of inferiority but at the same time in a position of war, wherein defense and offense / superiority and inferiority are two sides of the same coin, perpetuating the conflict and war as polarity friction, charging and discharging energy without awareness but only for the sake of ‘survival’.

I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to consider what it means that everything is already here and always has been, wherein I have to ask myself how come I wasn’t seeing the whole picture and now I see with real eyes that it was my very acceptance and allowance of the conditioned world/consciousness system ‘as is’ that was keeping me from seeing the whole picture and the depths of our existence to the core to realize self responsibility.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to fight for my limitations as they provide me my ‘comfort zone’ where I can feel important and educated, while I keep myself ‘protected’ from any new information or insight that may challenge my already established beliefs and definitions of myself and the world.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to not see how the ‘enemy construct’ has been an inherent part/ingredient of the systems: where we always project blame and responsibility outside of ourselves unto something or someone else; wherein we always see an ‘enemy’ to which we apparently need to stand up TO or AGAINST; whereby we always have to ‘protect’ and ‘defend’ and ‘separate’ ourselves and MIND our OWN – so we are always in a battlefield, and it’s always WAR; there is always an ‘enemy’ against whom or which we need to protect ourselves, and so we keep ourselves limited, separated, and in fear /inferior.

I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to see how the words defends and ‘rising in defense of…’ as such already point out the inner struggle and the paradox of our endless attempts for power, for standing, for fulfillment or wholeness, though we had not realized that we can only source power, standing and fulfillment from the substance of our beingness and that we must live these principles based on the value of LIFE, as who we all really are as living beings of LIFE.

I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to see how the word ‘defense’ in itself is indicative of our separation and of the inferior position that we accept and allow ourselves to take (within how we relate to it all – within how we relate to life and living).

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to exist in a state of ‘protection and defense’ when it comes to that which is in my ‘comfort zone’, that which I believe to know and accept to be ‘true’ or ‘real’ as ‘all there is’; for we defend our beliefs, our perceptions, our s of reality, our differences, our judgments – in other words we defend our own separation, limitation, and inferiority.

And so now that I see with real eyes how my own accepted limitation and separation have created a system of limitation in separation from life –

I commit myself to release myself from the mind system’s protection and defense mechanisms, to release myself from the limitations that had become my ‘comfort zone’, and embrace my full life potential as I support myself and others as me to manifest potentials and bring forth the change we want to see in our world.

I commit myself to assist and support myself and others as me to stop fighting for our limitations, to stop following the conditioned fears and desires, and get to true value creation as life creation to manifest real wealth that will support life with solutions that are substantial, sustainable, and best-for-all.

I commit myself to building relationships of trust, and to developing and establishing effective communication and collaboration in the realization that the world exists as relationships and thus the nature of the system reflects the nature of our relationships;

and therefore to change the nature of the system we need to change the ‘human nature’ that has become the mind consciousness system – 

And as we walk through the mind layers and walk ourselves into our true potential as living beings equal and one with the substance of life as creation, we also need to change the nature of our relationships: from polarized perpetual friction in inequality to mutual benefit support in equality, as LIFE, and therefore based on LIFE as the VALUE.