If you look into how you have defined Trust and/or
Self Trust, I am certain you will find some emotional attachments to your
definition, as I did.
For example things like ‘feeling safe’ or ‘feeling
certain of…’ or ‘knowing’ and ‘being sure about…’ tend to be within our
definitions of Trust / Self Trust; or things like ‘feeling confident about…’ or
‘feeling like I can rely on…’ and other perceptions and beliefs of the kind.
Even the dictionary definition is interesting in this
regard:
: belief that someone or something is reliable, good,
honest, effective, etc.
More:
1
a : assured reliance on the character,
ability, strength, or truth of someone or something
b : one in which confidence is placed
2
a : dependence on something future or
contingent : hope
b : reliance on future payment for
property (as merchandise) delivered : credit <bought furniture
on trust>
…So it’s interesting that
Trust is defined within belief, and that words like reliance, hope (!) and
dependence are used to define it…
So I walked a process in understanding and redefining
TRUST as a matter of fact / reality, and here I’d like to share what I’ve come
to see and realize:
Trust is where
something is physically measurable to be consistent over time.
Trust is thus
something that is built /developed over time.
Trust is not a
singularity – I can trust myself to do/be certain things, other things I cannot
yet trust myself to be/do because I have not yet ‘done’/’been’ them. This
doesn’t mean I can’t lol – what it does mean is that this is how trust is
built/ developed: by consistently showing/’proving’ to myself that I can do
this or be that, by living it in moments and creating it as myself; as every
time I live it, a building block of self-trust in relation to that point is
set, and so I accumulate self-trust step by step through consistency.
Trust therefore
exists in relation to something: I can trust this person/outcome to be like
this/that (because I have ‘measured’ over time that this was ‘done’ so
consistently).
If you read my previous posts
then you’ll see (as I
was able to see) that I had throughout my life placed trust in failure.
And
therefore:
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself
to place my trust in failure.
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself
to connect trust to failure, wherein I would almost ‘expect’ myself to fail
because that’s what I’d always perceived myself to be doing.
Therefore I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and
allowed myself to, when I faced failure, take it personally and be
‘disappointed’ with myself and create thoughts and emotional experiences about
me being a failure; because that is the point that got systematized through
repetition, through accepting and allowing myself to define myself as failure,
to see myself as failure, to create the fear of being a failure and the desire
to NOT be a failure, which obviously in itself implies the acceptance of
failure to begin with.
I forgive myself that I hadn’t allowed
myself to see, realize and understand how trust functions, and how failure
functions, and that I had placed myself under enormous pressure by trying to
create trust in myself to ‘avoid failure’, instead of understanding How I can build /develop trust and how I
can stop (re-)creating the experience of failure within myself.
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself
to make ‘absolute statements’ to myself such as for example (as someone who
hasn’t been very confident in socializing) – “living self trust is to trust
myself to participate in a moment with other people”; where, if there comes
such a moment in my world/reality and I do hold back, I’d then go into “oh no…”,
which is undermining my self trust in fact – because I had made such an
absolute statement that failure was in a way already programmed-in.
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself
to exist within a constant experience and application of ‘trying’ – which in
fact is always coming from a starting point of ‘lack’ or of ‘wrongness’, from
which I was then ‘trying to do the right thing’ or trying to ‘fix’ things or to
‘avoid failure’. And this is in fact exhausting, on the one hand; and on the
other hand quite consequential, because mostly: ‘trying’ to do/live something
in fact prevents us from actually doing/living it.
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself
to exist within a want/need/desire to be more than who I am, from a
starting-point of judgment and ‘lack’.
It’s okay to want to be more, but this must come as a
genuine self realization point, where I see/recognize my full potential and
realize there is so much more; this then would also entail looking at and
recognizing my weaknesses and limitations and investigating where and how I am
in fact limiting myself. Very often our full potential remains unlived due to
the limitations and restrictions we have accepted about ourselves – therefore a
major part of moving ourselves to live our full potential is
removing/forgiving/letting go of the self-imposed or accepted limitations and
restrictions, perceptions and beliefs, and REALLY looking at everything (including
ourself) for what it is.
From this starting-point of self honesty then it
becomes simply about seeing what it is that I have already developed, and what
it is that I haven’t yet developed as myself;
and about making a decision about who I will myself to
be, what I will accept and allow and what I will not accept or allow. And clearly,
it is a wise decision to stop accepting the limitations we have systematically
submerged ourselves to throughout our lives, be it due to cultural,
educational, parenting or other systems we were exposed to in our formative
years, and take responsibility for who we are and can be.
So back to the point of trust – Here you can ask
yourself, by looking at your life thus far: What/who can I trust myself to be?
What experiences do I trust myself to have over and over again? And what has
been MY role in making this my reality?
And then also – What would I like to trust myself to
be? How would I like to trust that my life will turn? And here it’s not about
the projection details, but rather about the realization that: I reap what I
saw, and therefore this is where the point of Trust is to be found. And so if I
want to change what I reap (as experiences or expressions or life-moments and
the ‘turn’ a life takes), then I need to change what I saw, i.e. how I
participate and who I am in moments, ergo what I create.
A good friend once said to me: <<You cannot ‘fix’
things; you can only create what you are the master creator of.>>
Therein is the point of Trust.
What are you the master
creator of? Have a look: You can already trust yourself with something – with all
that which you’ve already been creating and re-creating, over and over again.
You don’t like it? You wanna trust yourself to be
something more, something different, something better? Start here and now by
forgiving any and all self judgment, any and all points of ‘lack’, of ‘inferiority’,
of self-victimization. Take self responsibility. That is Self-Response-Ability.
See your truth, see yourself as your creation for what it is – and look within
yourself in self honesty to see your true potential. Start here and now, and
realize that all creation is an accumulation process – that is how you have
created what and who and how you are after all.
There are obviously more dimensions to the point of
Trust and Self Trust –for further support perspectives and insights you can search
these words on the eqafe site and also visit Self & Living– but start Here & Now to begin with, and ask yourself those questions; that alone is a
powerful application of self trust.
And remember: every moment counts when it comes to
what we are creating.
Discipline yourself to be consistent within what you want
to create as yourself, as your life – and accept nothing less than your full
potential, accept nothing less than who you really are as LIFE. It’s time to
let the systems go.
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