Mittwoch, 20. Mai 2015

549 | What does Self Trust have to do with Failure?!

If you look into how you have defined Trust and/or Self Trust, I am certain you will find some emotional attachments to your definition, as I did.
For example things like ‘feeling safe’ or ‘feeling certain of…’ or ‘knowing’ and ‘being sure about…’ tend to be within our definitions of Trust / Self Trust; or things like ‘feeling confident about…’ or ‘feeling like I can rely on…’ and other perceptions and beliefs of the kind.

Even the dictionary definition is interesting in this regard:

: belief that someone or something is reliable, good, honest, effective, etc.

a :  assured reliance on the character, ability, strength, or truth of someone or something
b :  one in which confidence is placed
a :  dependence on something future or contingent :  hope
b :  reliance on future payment for property (as merchandise) delivered :  credit <bought furniture on trust>

…So it’s interesting that Trust is defined within belief, and that words like reliance, hope (!) and dependence are used to define it…

So I walked a process in understanding and redefining TRUST as a matter of fact / reality, and here I’d like to share what I’ve come to see and realize:

Trust is where something is physically measurable to be consistent over time.
Trust is thus something that is built /developed over time.

Trust is not a singularity – I can trust myself to do/be certain things, other things I cannot yet trust myself to be/do because I have not yet ‘done’/’been’ them. This doesn’t mean I can’t lol – what it does mean is that this is how trust is built/ developed: by consistently showing/’proving’ to myself that I can do this or be that, by living it in moments and creating it as myself; as every time I live it, a building block of self-trust in relation to that point is set, and so I accumulate self-trust step by step through consistency.

Trust therefore exists in relation to something: I can trust this person/outcome to be like this/that (because I have ‘measured’ over time that this was ‘done’ so consistently).

If you read my previous posts 

then you’ll see (as I was able to see) that I had throughout my life placed trust in failure. 
And therefore:

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to place my trust in failure.
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to connect trust to failure, wherein I would almost ‘expect’ myself to fail because that’s what I’d always perceived myself to be doing.

Therefore I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to, when I faced failure, take it personally and be ‘disappointed’ with myself and create thoughts and emotional experiences about me being a failure; because that is the point that got systematized through repetition, through accepting and allowing myself to define myself as failure, to see myself as failure, to create the fear of being a failure and the desire to NOT be a failure, which obviously in itself implies the acceptance of failure to begin with.

I forgive myself that I hadn’t allowed myself to see, realize and understand how trust functions, and how failure functions, and that I had placed myself under enormous pressure by trying to create trust in myself to ‘avoid failure’, instead of understanding How I can build /develop trust and how I can stop (re-)creating the experience of failure within myself.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to make ‘absolute statements’ to myself such as for example (as someone who hasn’t been very confident in socializing) – “living self trust is to trust myself to participate in a moment with other people”; where, if there comes such a moment in my world/reality and I do hold back, I’d then go into “oh no…”, which is undermining my self trust in fact – because I had made such an absolute statement that failure was in a way already programmed-in.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to exist within a constant experience and application of ‘trying’ – which in fact is always coming from a starting point of ‘lack’ or of ‘wrongness’, from which I was then ‘trying to do the right thing’ or trying to ‘fix’ things or to ‘avoid failure’. And this is in fact exhausting, on the one hand; and on the other hand quite consequential, because mostly: ‘trying’ to do/live something in fact prevents us from actually doing/living it.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to exist within a want/need/desire to be more than who I am, from a starting-point of judgment and ‘lack’.

It’s okay to want to be more, but this must come as a genuine self realization point, where I see/recognize my full potential and realize there is so much more; this then would also entail looking at and recognizing my weaknesses and limitations and investigating where and how I am in fact limiting myself. Very often our full potential remains unlived due to the limitations and restrictions we have accepted about ourselves – therefore a major part of moving ourselves to live our full potential is removing/forgiving/letting go of the self-imposed or accepted limitations and restrictions, perceptions and beliefs, and REALLY looking at everything (including ourself) for what it is.

From this starting-point of self honesty then it becomes simply about seeing what it is that I have already developed, and what it is that I haven’t yet developed as myself;
and about making a decision about who I will myself to be, what I will accept and allow and what I will not accept or allow. And clearly, it is a wise decision to stop accepting the limitations we have systematically submerged ourselves to throughout our lives, be it due to cultural, educational, parenting or other systems we were exposed to in our formative years, and take responsibility for who we are and can be.

So back to the point of trust – Here you can ask yourself, by looking at your life thus far: What/who can I trust myself to be? What experiences do I trust myself to have over and over again? And what has been MY role in making this my reality?
And then also – What would I like to trust myself to be? How would I like to trust that my life will turn? And here it’s not about the projection details, but rather about the realization that: I reap what I saw, and therefore this is where the point of Trust is to be found. And so if I want to change what I reap (as experiences or expressions or life-moments and the ‘turn’ a life takes), then I need to change what I saw, i.e. how I participate and who I am in moments, ergo what I create.

A good friend once said to me: <<You cannot ‘fix’ things; you can only create what you are the master creator of.>>
Therein is the point of Trust. 
What are you the master creator of? Have a look: You can already trust yourself with something – with all that which you’ve already been creating and re-creating, over and over again. 

You don’t like it? You wanna trust yourself to be something more, something different, something better? Start here and now by forgiving any and all self judgment, any and all points of ‘lack’, of ‘inferiority’, of self-victimization. Take self responsibility. That is Self-Response-Ability. See your truth, see yourself as your creation for what it is – and look within yourself in self honesty to see your true potential. Start here and now, and realize that all creation is an accumulation process – that is how you have created what and who and how you are after all.

There are obviously more dimensions to the point of Trust and Self Trust –for further support perspectives and insights you can search these words on the eqafe site and also visit Self & Living– but start Here & Now to begin with, and ask yourself those questions; that alone is a powerful application of self trust. 
And remember: every moment counts when it comes to what we are creating. 

Discipline yourself to be consistent within what you want to create as yourself, as your life – and accept nothing less than your full potential, accept nothing less than who you really are as LIFE. It’s time to let the systems go.

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