Mittwoch, 30. Dezember 2015
How would you support yourself to reach a point of self-honesty? What methods will you use? How will you structure your personal support? How would you like to be assisted?
These are some of the questions recently discussed in one of the forums I participate in. This was an opportunity for me to revisit these points and answer these questions for myself, so as to put in words and actualize my own path and tools of self honesty.
I wanted to first revisit my definition of self honesty, which I see as me being honest with myself about what it is I am experiencing and why, as well as both the limitations and potentials within that. Where am I at? Why is that? How am I? What am I? Who am I?
These questions asked in self honesty at any given moment are of great practical support in establishing the actual reality of self. Here obviously to make sure one is not going into positive or negative judgments, making something more or less than it actually is or deferring responsibility.
On this you can also reference my previous post 575 | Redefining (Self-)Judgment into Realizing Potentials
To SEE myself in self honesty I realize that at any given moment I require taking a step back as well as slowing down, and being willing to see whatever is here without judgment, for only then am I able to change it.
I find that self honesty in a way also entails the aspect of self-response-ability as well as the willingness to forgive and expand my view/perspective. Thus also an aspect of awareness is entailed within self honesty – and it would seem that these ‘qualities’ exist together and grow /deepen in relation to one another: self honesty, self responsibility, self forgiveness, and awareness.
The good-old principle of ‘bringing it back to self’ as well as ‘placing myself in the shoes of another’ is of great support within that as well. Here again you can the reader can visit my previous couple of posts where I elaborated on these principles.
Regardless what situation I face, I can ask myself Who am I within that? – to see and/or determine my relationship with the point, as that relationship is what defines my experience.
How can I empower myself and others equally? This is, I find, yet another question self can ask to assist oneself in seeing the potentials as solutions entailed within any ‘problem’.
Another question I find supportive here is: What is my motive? In other words, what is driving me and my actions/behavior or thoughts/words? What am I looking for? Am I trying to get a certain reward? Am I trying to prove something (to myself or others)?
What I’ve realized is that whenever we do something to get something, even if that’s ‘only’ some kind of experience, we keep ourselves from being unconditional in our expression. Some example to which most people can relate to would be for instance acceptance, recognition, self-importance, etc.
So these are some of the guidelines I’ve been utilizing to support myself in terms of self honesty, and obviously I am always open to further my tool box, so it’s great to see that more and more people are getting to self honesty and practical common sense as well as sharing themselves, so that we can all learn from and with each other.
I like to think that every person I come across is a part of me, showing me a part of me – thus any reactions coming up within me are merely indicating points within myself that I haven’t yet shed light onto, and so I can take such instances as opportunities to get to know myself better/deeper and expand my awareness.
I find that I like and appreciate being assisted to see and realize that which I do not yet see and realize.
More pairs of eyes/ears see and hear more than only one pair of eyes/ears, which is why I find mutual support to be of great importance and support. Each one must stand alone in self honesty, however we need not walk alone – we can walk together and assist and support each other to accelerate our processes and expand/deepen our understanding and awareness.
We can definitely utilize the relationships we have formed in our lives as a platform to support ourselves and each other in that process.
Dienstag, 29. Dezember 2015
Recently I worked with redefining self-judgment into the opportunity of taking that judgment point and turning it around into the gift of self realization, where I can see the essence and reason of the judgment point by asking myself what it is really showing me about myself in terms of potentials and limitations; where I can say enough is enough and make the decision to no longer limit myself (or others) and thus get myself to a point of change and transformation that will support me (and others) -
by choosing to live in awareness, stopping the accepted limitation patterns/beliefs or destructive habits/behaviors, and moving myself and my living toward the potential I see I can realize as a being (...and supporting others to do the same).
The same approach can be applied to judgment when it comes to things/behaviors outside of ourselves: where judgment can thus be redefined into a discernment of what is cool i.e. supportive for Life's potentials, and what is not cool i.e. not supportive of Life.
So from that perspective we can see that judgment (not the emotional type that’s based on likes and dislikes and thus conditioned reactions) is something we all require to have/ develop as the ability to see right from wrong (again, not as a mental polarity but in practical terms of what is in fact acceptable and what is not acceptable when it comes to LIFE).
It’s interesting that we all tend to fear judgment – we fear being judged by others, and yet we in our minds judge others AND ourselves most of the times; where we come to believe and be blinded by our own opinions and fight for our limitations, while we like to be perceived as non-judgmental –
So we will often even try and hide /suppress /deny our own (self-)judgments in the depths of our mind, but again this only results into perpetuating the limitations we accept and allow within ourselves and our world; when in fact clear judgment based on the common sense of what is best for life can be something that supports us in seeing what is cool/ constructive and thus can/must be supported and cultivated/developed, and what not.
Right and wrong are things children and parents tend to struggle with, I'm sure we’ve all had this experience... and we can all recall conflicts that arose out of disagreement about ‘what is right’.
But what about the simplistic, practical common sense through which we KNOW what is right and what is wrong, for example we KNOW how it is wrong, in the face of Life, to do unto another what we wouldn’t like others to do unto us.
In terms of realizing potentials, it makes sense to turn judgments into gifts, where we can take the opportunity – whenever a form of judgment comes up within self, and after investigating, understanding and letting go of the emotional attachments connected to the particular judgment point – to see the actual point, the truth of the matter and the realization that unfolds from there, to then in clarity make decisions, based on CLEAR judgment of whether that point (whatever it is) is good or bad i.e. supportive or destructive when it comes to LIFE -which is something we all are equally part of-, and whether and how a change can be brought forth.
Whenever we allow emotional judgment (whether positive or negative) to cloud our mind and our decisions and choices, we have an equally clouded view of the consequences we are creating i.e. the outflows and future playouts that will unfold – for any and all decisions and choices we make, now matter how small or big, always unfold into a sequence of outflows in space-time.
How cool would it be if we, in every moment, were set out to realize potentials -both for ourselves and everyone involved in any given situation-, rather than holding on to judgments that only limit us and everyone else around us.
We are all able to make it a point in our practical living to practice turning judgments into the gift of realizing potentials and thus BE that agent of CHANGE that we all want to see in our world!
Montag, 28. Dezember 2015
Continuing from my previous post 573 | Do unto others as you'd have them do unto you
This is again in the context of group communication and about an interaction I had with someone in a chat, where the communication had been complicated from both sides. After an hour of chatting and me not seeing that we are getting somewhere or how I can assist/support, I suggested that they clarify this for themselves and get back to me once they can put it in words. I also suggested that perhaps another person with whom they’ve already established a connection /communication may be able to assist them in clarifying the point.
Some months later this person mentioned me during a group chat which I wasn’t able to attend, and referred to me saying I had treated them “as if they were the enemy”. The group chat was shared so I was able to read it afterwards, and when I read the comment I was curious to see where/how such impression was created, so I went back and read the chat I had with that person some months before.
I wanted to see where and how such resonance could be pin-pointed and whether there was something I missed within my own response/approach that day, so that I could understand more about the person but also more about myself/ my approach. But although I could see there was some difficulty in communication on both sides I did not find anything justifying/explaining the impression this person had of me. Which as such it’s fine to have impressions as points one can investigate for oneself and/or through communication, but being that I wasn’t present in the group chat where the comment was made about me, such comment then takes the form of gossip – which is sad because say for example someone new in the group was considering opening up communication with me but now they read this comment conveying such impression and now decide not to contact me.
Here one might say that each one is self-responsible, yet beyond that I find that we are also responsible for each other and for reactions/consequences we may be creating for everyone involved.
So here again the principle of self-honesty and the consideration of: How would I like to be supported (placing oneself in the shoes of another), where instead of gossip or instead of exposing a person’s misalignment to others, one can address the person directly and assist them to reach that understanding on their own, as a matter of awareness. Then, we’re talking about real change that can come through and that can be visible and resonant for everyone else, thus assisting not only one person but everyone involved.
The question also arises how such impression was created in the first place, and here we can see and understand how the gossip we entertain within (where one in one’s mind entertains chatter/ ideas/ interpretations about another), when not resolved /directed /clarified (because in fact any form of misunderstanding or miscommunication can, indeed, be clarified and resolved), may result in gossip without: where all accumulated impressions and ideas and projections about the other person now find a moment to vent out, in actual words, behind the person’s back.
But gossip never in fact defines whoever is being gossiped about – rather, it defines those gossiping about another and those engaging in or accepting the gossip as such.
Therefore, a self support point for anyone exposed to gossip or finding themselves engaging in gossip, whether silently in their own mind or out loud with other people: is to look at the content of the gossip and ‘take it back to self’, asking the question: how does this point pertain to me? Is it something I experience as a matter of habit? Meaning, is it a pattern in my own experience? Is it something I fear being judged about? Is it something I would tend to deny if another were to point out the very same thing about me? These are some examples of questions we can ask ourselves whenever we find ourselves going into gossip, even for a moment, to make sure that we do not create assumptions and interpretations within our own minds and/or the minds of others about other people – because clearly the first thing we need to take responsibility for or change or correct/align: is ourselves, and our relationship to our own mind.
Another interesting dimension of gossip, which I’m sure most people can relate to, is how through gossip we tend to form groupings and (silent) agreements, where the one creating the gossip will always search for people to agree with them, to validate them in their opinion – so that they can feel ‘empowered’ or ‘righteous’. This then obviously creates a form of separation, and as such it is a pattern that can be observed in the bigger picture of and as Humanity.
Thus, in terms of solutions, beyond the application of ‘bringing the point back to self’ to see where/how such ideas may already be existent within oneself, one can also reverse the point of gossip (which is about ‘having power over others through gossip’) and rather bring the whole thing into a constructive and supportive application that will be empowering for everyone involved.
We are all in the process of learning how to enhance our communication skills, how to make ourselves clear, and how to practically live the principles of self-honesty and mutual support based on how we ourselves would like to be approached/supported, when placing ourselves in the shoes of another.
It’s interesting how much conflict can emerge simply out of miscommunication or the lack of clarity in communication as well as the fact that we did not /do not learn to truly place ourselves in the shoes of another and ask ourselves at any given moment or situation: how can I participate in a way that is best for all, a way that supports life, that supports everyone in reaching their full potential.
So these are some pointers we can all take into consideration and practical application to truly explore and engage our full potential as life, as human beings on earth, this one reality we all share.
Sonntag, 27. Dezember 2015
Recently I had an interesting event/experience while interacting within one of my groups – where someone made a comment which I deemed as ‘not cool’, as in unnecessarily rude or arrogant. Being that in this group we have agreed on certain principles to be honored, such as equality and mutual support, I deemed such approach to be not appropriate and not within the parameters set within the group. In that moment, I rushed to make a comment in an attempt to convey this, but alas, in my anger and frustration my response resonated in a similar tone to that which I was attempting to correct/align.
After making my comment I had to rush to work, but later in the day I did see and realize how my interaction in that moment had not been the best I could have done. I had in fact even seen/faced this point before and realized that it’s best to contact another directly so that I can reach them on a self support level and they also may have the opportunity to create solutions /transcend a point – without engaging the whole group. Or, if I don’t have the time to engage with the being, to then simply inform someone who is already in contact with them so that at least the point is directed and I can rest assured that assistance and support is taking place.
But unfortunately, and even though I had seen the solution/correction before for how to step-in/step-up in such cases, in the rush of the moment the old pattern kicked in.
I found it interesting, later, that I responded in the same/similar resonance as that which I found “not cool” and was attempting to correct. The whole thing reminded me of something a dear friend of mine used to say, something I definitely agree with, which is: an eye for an eye makes the whole world blind!
I could see that in that moment I did not ask myself the question: how would I like to be supported in this case? – thus placing myself in the shoes of another, which would have assisted me to work toward a real solution and support.
I had seen this point before in the context of my interaction with another person, where I was able to correct/heal the misalignment by contacting the being individually and establishing a communication – which is what I would have liked for myself as well. Here thus the principle of “do unto others as I’d have done unto me” – which is definitely a cool practical application in self-honesty, also making sure that self isn’t reacting /isn’t responding in a reaction.
I’ve recently realized how I’ve had accumulated frustrations about groups and communication in general, and so lately I’ve been working on the history and correction of who I am in relation to groups and relationships, so I’m definitely walking a learning process in this context.
I also came to realize that I have been at times harsh in my attempt to align points within the group communication. In my last couple of posts I wrote about the pattern of ‘overprotectiveness’ that I’d developed toward the group and the principles we adhere to. I wrote about the consequences of such pattern and what I was able to see and realize once I could see the pattern for what it is.
I mean, we are all constantly in a process of learning, of deepening our understanding of human nature, that is ourselves and each-other, and expanding our communication skills – each one walking through their own points and patterns as well. For me for example, I had to learn the hard way that I’m often coming off harsh – as nobody ever contacted me to assist me in seeing/realizing this, for example by simply sharing that "hey I am noticing this…" or "hey have you considered…", which is what I would have liked for myself, and what I’ve also come to realize is how we can support each other best.
So I’m definitely making it even more of a point now for myself and my practical living application in any participation/interaction, to no longer rush to respond or step in, but rather take that moment to truly place myself in the shoes of another and ask myself how I can support in a way that is best for all.
In groups (whether small or big) we tend to take such points personally, but I mean these are points that we as humanity are facing as well, and here I'm sure we can all see that we have not yet reached the full potential of what is possible, of what is best. Therefore group interactions and group communication (be it e.g. family or other groups and relationships) is where we have the opportunity to develop ourselves, our awareness, and our skills in a way that we can be of support both to ourselves and to others, and the group /relationship as a whole. I mean imagine the full potential of such ‘evolution’ – wouldn’t we have an entirely different manifestation of and as Humanity on Earth!