Recently I had an interesting event/experience while interacting within one of my groups – where someone made a comment which I deemed as ‘not cool’, as in unnecessarily rude or arrogant. Being that in this group we have agreed on certain principles to be honored, such as equality and mutual support, I deemed such approach to be not appropriate and not within the parameters set within the group. In that moment, I rushed to make a comment in an attempt to convey this, but alas, in my anger and frustration my response resonated in a similar tone to that which I was attempting to correct/align.
After making my comment I had to rush to work, but later in the day I did see and realize how my interaction in that moment had not been the best I could have done. I had in fact even seen/faced this point before and realized that it’s best to contact another directly so that I can reach them on a self support level and they also may have the opportunity to create solutions /transcend a point – without engaging the whole group. Or, if I don’t have the time to engage with the being, to then simply inform someone who is already in contact with them so that at least the point is directed and I can rest assured that assistance and support is taking place.
But unfortunately, and even though I had seen the solution/correction before for how to step-in/step-up in such cases, in the rush of the moment the old pattern kicked in.
I found it interesting, later, that I responded in the same/similar resonance as that which I found “not cool” and was attempting to correct. The whole thing reminded me of something a dear friend of mine used to say, something I definitely agree with, which is: an eye for an eye makes the whole world blind!
I could see that in that moment I did not ask myself the question: how would I like to be supported in this case? – thus placing myself in the shoes of another, which would have assisted me to work toward a real solution and support.
I had seen this point before in the context of my interaction with another person, where I was able to correct/heal the misalignment by contacting the being individually and establishing a communication – which is what I would have liked for myself as well. Here thus the principle of “do unto others as I’d have done unto me” – which is definitely a cool practical application in self-honesty, also making sure that self isn’t reacting /isn’t responding in a reaction.
I’ve recently realized how I’ve had accumulated frustrations about groups and communication in general, and so lately I’ve been working on the history and correction of who I am in relation to groups and relationships, so I’m definitely walking a learning process in this context.
I also came to realize that I have been at times harsh in my attempt to align points within the group communication. In my last couple of posts I wrote about the pattern of ‘overprotectiveness’ that I’d developed toward the group and the principles we adhere to. I wrote about the consequences of such pattern and what I was able to see and realize once I could see the pattern for what it is.
I mean, we are all constantly in a process of learning, of deepening our understanding of human nature, that is ourselves and each-other, and expanding our communication skills – each one walking through their own points and patterns as well. For me for example, I had to learn the hard way that I’m often coming off harsh – as nobody ever contacted me to assist me in seeing/realizing this, for example by simply sharing that "hey I am noticing this…" or "hey have you considered…", which is what I would have liked for myself, and what I’ve also come to realize is how we can support each other best.
So I’m definitely making it even more of a point now for myself and my practical living application in any participation/interaction, to no longer rush to respond or step in, but rather take that moment to truly place myself in the shoes of another and ask myself how I can support in a way that is best for all.
In groups (whether small or big) we tend to take such points personally, but I mean these are points that we as humanity are facing as well, and here I'm sure we can all see that we have not yet reached the full potential of what is possible, of what is best. Therefore group interactions and group communication (be it e.g. family or other groups and relationships) is where we have the opportunity to develop ourselves, our awareness, and our skills in a way that we can be of support both to ourselves and to others, and the group /relationship as a whole. I mean imagine the full potential of such ‘evolution’ – wouldn’t we have an entirely different manifestation of and as Humanity on Earth!
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