A further interesting point
that opened up through investigating the construct of overprotectiveness and
how it reveals deferring self responsibility, is the word “defer” as such.
The word sounds very similar
to “differ”, which means to be different.
Of course these are two
different words, but what’s interesting is the following:
When I placed the word “differ”
into the context of what I’ve looked at thus far (see my previous two posts on
this on the construct of overprotectiveness) what I could see was the several
times throughout my life where I did not want to “differ” from others around
me; where I wanted to be “just normal” and not “different” to everyone else.
I've been aware of this
experience and self-definition as I’ve worked with it in another context; but
here within the context of overprotectiveness I can see that in wanting to not
differ from others, in wanting to not stand out or in any way cause friction or
disturb what I perceived as the harmony of for instance a relationship, a
group, etc., I would be deferring self responsibility to all that which I didn’t
want to differ from.
So you see, in this context
I found it interesting that the words “defer” and “differ” would have this sort
of connection.
Especially if we’re looking
at the pattern of holding back and not speaking out – regardless of whether
others agree or disagree with me. Where I’ve been too quick to accept that
others are right or that others know better, and within this I suppressed my “different”
perspective, and within this I was in fact deferring responsibility as well as undermining my self trust.
So – to finalize this
investigation into the manifestation of ‘overprotectiveness’ I have now flagged
this point for myself:
so that whenever I see my
becoming overprotective, I ask myself: What does that which I’m trying to
(over)protect represent to me? And where have I separated from myself all those
qualities and values that I had attached to that point? What am I expecting from others that I could take back to myself and take responsibility for?
These questions have
assisted me to take the point back to myself and take self responsibility for
living the words Trust, Value, Purpose, and Path FOR MYSELF based on who I am
in self honesty.
I will obviously continue supporting
myself in transforming this pattern and automatic habit of making others ‘more’,
perceiving others as ‘more than’ me, and I rather focus on myself and how I
will practically live Trust, Value, and Purpose as well as what Paths, what Direction I will take within that.
Thanks for reading
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