Expanding from my previous posts
I wanted to share some self forgiveness to assist in
deconstructing the patterns and systems that keep us from embracing ourselves
and living fully.
Obviously this has been a longer and deeper process for me –
initially I had found thoughts and beliefs pertaining to how I’d see myself and
my life as ‘failure’, while later on, as I went deeper, I found an entire
‘embodiment’ of the failure-construct within myself which was manifesting into
and as a form of perception: how I would see myself and my life, how I would
look at myself and my life – and I realized that there were many things that I
hadn’t even considered as possible or as option for myself and my life, due to
the very limitations of my own perception,
I am sharing the following self forgiveness in the
hope that it may serve as inspiration for anyone reading this. So if in any way
you’ve had in your life thoughts or experiences of ‘failure’ – this is for you.
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself
to see myself as failure.
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself
to look at myself as failure.
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself
to hold on to moments of failure and to focus on those/such moments of failure,
so much so that I’ve defined myself within that and made it ‘mine’.
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself
to, throughout my life, when recognizing a moment or point of failure, judge it
and judge myself, within this perpetuating the failure and giving it substance,
instead of utilizing realizations of failure constructively, to learn from it
and move beyond it, to grow and expand.
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself
to judge myself as failure whenever my participation/expression did not meet
the best I could be in that moment.
Within this I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and
allowed myself to (instead of slowing down and leading myself within my reality
constructively) create projections as expectations or desires as a ‘standard’
to be fulfilled or attained or achieved for me to not ‘feel like’ a failure.
So within this, I forgive myself that I’ve accepted
and allowed myself to trap myself in ‘morality’, a mental polarity of ‘success
and failure’, where I have existed in doubt and uncertainty, in a form of
inferiority, not yet fully living and expressing self leadership, not yet
leading myself to my full potential in every moment.
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself
to struggle within and against myself in a mental realm of polarities.
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself
to make an emotional and judgmental reaction out of failure – a reaction which
had become the way that I saw myself and my life, within this limiting myself
and my life to be exactly that: a ‘failure’, through my own acceptance and
allowance, through how I myself had related to moments of failure.
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself
to suffer – ‘myself’ being my body and being, who I really am as life; that
self of life was suffering, it was hurting and starving, because I didn’t take
care of it, I didn’t take care of myself, I had not allowed myself to live
constructively.
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself
to resist the life in me – to fear change, to ever need a ‘comfort zone’, to
suppress my full expression, my full potential, in a mode of ‘justifying
failure’ and ‘fighting for my limitations’.
I forgive myself that I hadn’t allowed myself to see,
realize and understand that ‘failure’ is integrated into the world system as
such, and that everybody is fighting their own struggle to ‘make it’, but
really – neither submitting to ‘failure’ in negativity nor ‘flying high’ through
positive thinking is pragmatic – as in both cases you play the game. And clearly:
this polarity game must stop for real self empowerment to emerge.
So how did I go about
after such realizations? I defined my values and principles, I recognized my
value and potential as life, and I decided to redefine success to not be of a
polarity system but of real self-willed evolution in awareness. I refuse to see
myself as failure. I refuse to accept failure as an option. This ‘image’ I have
had of my life as ‘failure’ has a history, its own story, but in the end it’s
just that: an image, a perception, a belief. Don’t let it be an embodied
consciousness, a self-fulfilling prophecy. Life is so much more. I am so much
more. We are so much more. Finding the decency of self empowerment, really,
that’s the best gift each one can give to themselves, and as we give it to
ourselves we spark it in others.
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself
to connect the word ‘failure’ to fear.
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself
to fear failure.
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself
to fear being seen as failure.
Yet I am the one accepting this ‘image’, regardless
where it comes from.
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself
to see myself as ‘failure’, and to pity myself and to get angry and to feel
powerless and helpless, all the while I am the one allowing this/such ‘image’
of ‘me’ to exist within me, in my mind and body, as fear, as self-definition,
as attitude toward life/living – it is atrocious – and only when I stop this
‘crime against life’ that is in me, as me, only when we stop valuing ourselves
and each-other in means that are mean – will we stop the atrocities of humanity
on earth.
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself
to keep parts of myself suppressed, denied, or in any way in separation from my
awareness, from ME HERE.
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself
to resist bringing all of me HERE to take responsibility for and lead/direct as
in: self-create.
Within this I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and
allowed myself to have judged or feared or resented and loathed parts of myself
–either because they ‘cause’ a certain experience of myself or because they
‘validate’ certain negative/inferior self-definitions that I had accepted.
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself
to have thoughts and beliefs about ‘who I am’ and what I ‘can do’ and ‘cannot
do’ – and in fact there is much we cannot even SEE ourselves doing/being due to
the VEILS of our accepted self-definitions – it is our own self-image that
(through our acceptance and allowance) limits our ability to grow, expand, and
be everything we can be!
Here I see the separation and also the ‘morality trap’
that exists within and as the mind as consciousness –where we can use ‘logic’
to in-form our justifications and excuses and make them sound ‘good’.
Unfortunately such petty mechanisms are only ‘valid’ within the bounds of the
fuzzy logic used to ‘make sense’ of our world in self-interest as ego in-fear,
a ‘logic’ that is self made and made up to defend our limitations in our own
MIND.
I forgive myself that I hadn’t allowed myself to see
and realize how we human beings walk around together in this world yet each of
us separated into and as a bubble, a MIND SYSTEM that exists in fact in-fear,
and thus inferior to the full life potential that each one can be.
So instead of seeing self-honesty and reality for what
it is, we interpret the world and ourselves through ‘morality’ in the mind –
all those judgments of right and wrong / good and bad (because I mean, if we
really had clear judgment about what’s right and wrong / good and bad then this
world and our existence here would be an entirely different story!), all those
moments where we inferiorize or superiorize ourselves and others in our minds,
while we fail to see our responsibility in the bigger picture or even to
realize how we abdicate our power to systems of separation and devaluation, and
that is in itself EVIL – because we abdicate our right to life and turn our
back at the value of LIFE in fact.
I forgive myself that I hadn’t allowed myself to see
that EVIL is the opposite of LIVE, and that I haven’t yet fully questioned and
explored what it means to LIVE.
If we would truly LIVE, if we were LIFE, wouldn’t we
then create LIFE as our world, our existence in this reality?
Yet if we look at what we’ve been creating as humanity
on earth, clearly it is the opposite of LIVE, it is literally evil, a crime
against life: this is the world, the existence we have created.
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself
to be evil and exist as evil, where I have applied the ‘evil of the world out
there’ within and toward my own mind, within and toward myself –
through accepted self-definitions, through accepted
inferiority and through allowing myself to feel and be disempowered. Where I
had often wanted to give up in relation to ‘how things are’ or ‘who I am’ as
what I have become and how I was experiencing myself.
So that’s when I realized that I have to embrace
myself, I have to embrace all of me. I had to LOOK at and look INTO everything
that was coming up inside me, everything that existed ‘as me’ – to see, realize
and understand how it came to be, how I’d been ‘to it’ in unawareness, what the
consequences have been, how I have been part in its creation/evolution, and how
I can embrace that ‘part of me’ (be it an emotion or mood, a belief or thought
pattern, a self-definition or the general ‘view at life’ that each one has) and
take RESPONSE-ABILITY for it as myself.
Many talk about STANDING UP. In the world system, this
has been misinterpreted and misused as ‘rebelling’ –though that has had its
‘merit’ too throughout the history of human civilization–
when in fact Standing Up implies that we first have to stand equal to and one with the
deepest ground of our ‘souls’ deep deep down inside and purify our existence,
embrace the demons, understand our mind’s creation, see the
correction/transformation required, and step in as Creators to live the
change/correction into beingness, into creation, into reality. As within, so
without – as above, so below.
We each exist both within and without; we are the
above and the below.
I do hope this illustrates the responsibility we bear
as human beings, toward ourself in the first place, and life as a whole.
I mean, things like
decency, respect, honor, care and support – these things cannot infuse into our
world systems unless they are birthed from within ourselves, individually and
together.
I’m up for it and I’m pretty excited to live in these
fascinating times where so much more is possible and where our future depends
on our awareness and living application more than ever before – depends on our
real nature to be GOOD, to BE LIFE, to LIVE and let LIVE, to create LIFE and
THRIVE…
So what will it be?
You decide, as does each ONE – Be The One for YOU.
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