Day 532 | “If this, then that...” part 2: Control vs Awareness

ART by MatterFreeMan

 

Continuing from my previous post "If this, then that..."

 

… So the problem I see is how parents rather attempt to control their children, control their reality through manipulation, instead of creating real empowerment and treating children as equals through direct communication and practical common sense considerations – where actual LEARNING can take place.

Parents hardly take the time to share with their children what they themselves may be experiencing, problems they are facing and solutions they are considering – or what they have learned out of past challenges and how they have overcome them, what they LEARNED and how they LEARNED.

So how much are we really learning?

Are we willing to learn from our children for instance?

So at the core of the problem - we find ourselves. I mean, even as parents (or "grown-ups") we hardly ever take that self-honest road of introspecting our own minds, our own reactions, our own problems - I mean, if we would truly do this, we would be much more likely to keep learning, to always find solutions and with such a starting-point we’d be more likely and able to implement those solutions/corrections and live them into reality.

Without the fear of making a mistake.

Let’s repeat this last one: Without the fear of making mistakes.

And now let’s look further into this point of CONTROL that we began with.

Acting-out ‘control’ as most parents TRY to do, what are we essentially saying: the way you do it is a mistake, is wrong – or: what you do is a mistake, is wrong. This, especially to a child, easily translates into: you are wrong – you are a mistake.

How many of us are familiar with the fear of making a mistake – or the fear of others noticing a mistake we made – or with the tendency to not approach things when we are likely to make a mistake… Does this begin to reveal how our idea of ‘control’ is just a fallacy?

Obviously there’s nothing wrong in pointing out mistakes, lol, but in that case you’d better be able to show why and how a mistake is a mis-take. Show the consequence, show the outflow, show the outcome that one (or other people) may be experiencing as a result. Here the child has the opportunity to do something differently, not because YOU know better, but because they THEMSELVES want to do better – as they see HOW and WHY it can be done better, with better outflows, and good i.e. constructive consequences for everyone involved.

I mean, we can see in the big and the small how ‘control’ is obviously an illusion – it is a con and a troll – and it backfires.

...To be continued! 

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