Sonntag, 30. November 2014

Day 528 | Walking Self Forgiveness for Fearing I’m not Good Enough

Continuing from my previous post
<<...‘Seeing self through the eyes of others’ and the ‘fear of not being good enough’ are highly related to the experience/feeling of Insecurity that every one knows/has experienced. What is interesting, is how our Insecurity is connected to our perceptions of ‘Authority’, which can be seen in my above examples where self looks at self through the eyes of others, within this giving “the others” authority to determine and define self.>>

Now – From my previous bog post we can pinpoint some main fears: the fear of what other people will think of self and how other people will see self and how other people will value or judge self.
That’s where also for instance the fear of making mistakes, the fear of losing, the fear of ridicule comes from – “because how will that look in the eyes of people” and “what will that say about me”. 

So – is it really fear of ‘not being good enough’, or is it fear of not being seen as good enough by other people? Because within self, one may very well Know one is ‘good’ and capable, and that which is not good: one can change. So what purpose does the fear serve really?

The ‘fear of not being good enough’ one can approach simplistically by supporting oneself in becoming as good as one would like to be, in developing one’s skills and talents, one’s relationships in the world, making one’s life/living most effective, living to one’s full potential. We don’t do that.

Instead we look at others and think/believe we see in others this or that and we feel like this or like that – using others to ‘define’ ourselves, using others to for instance seek/get a feeling of acceptance or of appreciation or of respect, while we did not consider to first give it to ourselves, live it, find out what it is, before we even consider expecting it from others.
Within this, we create the fear of being seen as ‘not good enough’ – culture (and esp. the ‘consumer culture’ of/as the world system) plays a major role here too – and we make ourselves and our own value and worth subject to ideas in our mind /to “others” to define, to determine, to direct.

So the challenge here is for self to accept the responsibility of being ‘the one’ who determines Who I Am and determines the worth and value of oneself /one’s life = through one’s inner awareness alignment AND through one’s outer participation, behavior, and relationships in one’s world.
I mean we always define/determine who we are – whether that ‘happens’ through our acceptance and allowance or whether it is self defined/created in awareness.
The latter is obviously preferable, and is what I’m talking about when it comes to things like self-realization, awakening, etc.

So, the fear of other people seeing self as ‘not good enough’ can be directed by simply taking self-responsibility and no-longer accepting or allowing self to define self in/as reaction to “other people”; as well as by self-honestly living up to one’s responsibilities and being in fact ‘good enough’ as in doing what needs to be done, taking a stance to the best of one’s knowledge, understanding, and ability in that moment.

See – sometimes we even tend to go into an entire obsession/possession in our minds with fear, in fear making ourselves in-fearior, through submitting to the energetic experience of fear, contracting even more, participating in thoughts and internal conversations in, so much so that the ‘fearful character’ becomes alive so to speak. Then literally one’s fear as energy is becoming-alive – the Fearful Character – and then in that moment (while self is taking a back seat and allowing fear to ‘take over’) fear is ‘the one’ that acts out, that directs, behaves, makes decisions, because – “I, ‘fear’, must survive, I must be right, look how small I am, and what if I lose, what if I am not appreciated, oh no, I need more control, let me think, I need more energy, let me think, yes I must control it, but oh I’m so small, I must protect myself, I must keep myself alive blablabla” (says the Fearful Character) – and then there’s all the physical tension experiences and all the thoughts and beliefs that in one’s mind will ‘explain it all’ and ‘justify’ the fear to exist, so the self as ‘character’ can continue holding-onto and existing-as all those self-limiting ideas and perceptions of/about self. Fascinating.

So then obviously one requires to look also at self-beliefs of not being ‘good enough’ – this comes with the realization that all judgments I project and expect/fear as coming from “others”, I am actually already holding within myself/my mind – and to look at where and how and not least WHY am I holding such beliefs and ideas ‘alive’ and within that keep myself limited?
All those ‘fears’ around not being ‘good enough’ are interconnected, all have to do with ideas/beliefs of ‘value’ in polarity – seeking for ‘more value’/’superior value’ and fear of having one’s value ‘devalued’/’degraded’ as in ‘inferior’.

But where is the value of life as life?

I commit myself to stop devaluing and degrading myself – to identify where/when/how I devalue/degrade myself in my mind and also in my everyday living/participation, and to in those moments practice Stopping this self-sabotage and moving my awareness from self-diminishment /self-limitation – to the physical me here in awareness and self-support / constructive-living;
and practically within this I Live self-worth as life, self-respect, self-honesty, where the value is placed in life and living.
And when I support myself to live my full potential, more and more releasing and letting go of the limitations, and to live harmoniously and constructively with my environment and relationships, I can then say that I am ‘good enough’ as a human being in evolution, individual and collective.

In terms of re-defining words, I see here an interesting ‘exercise’/‘exorcise’ that can be enacted, lol, as follows:

[charged with ‘positive energy’ eg. patterns of seeking ‘acceptance’ / ‘validation’ / ‘appreciation’ etc.]
[stop – can’t take any more – the cup is full]

>> Here I can then see that it is possible and perhaps wise to completely let go of and exorcise lol as in release ourselves from the idea/definition/term ‘good enough’!
For within this very expression a limitation is entailed: nothing more is expected, which excludes the possibility of anything more/new being possible – even though the possibility may in fact exist and something more may be possible. Get my drift? How would progress and evolution look like if it were just ‘good enough’ and not extraordinarily magnificent, perfection to the detail?

Well, human consciousness appears to be in the process of becoming an evolution in awareness, so let’s do our best, within and without, individually and collectively.

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