Here I am sharing the process of self forgiveness that I opened up for myself in the context of looking at and working with a ‘perceptual problem’ within the disempowering experience of ‘feeling overwhelmed’ –
see my
previous posts
and
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself
to go into the energy of overwhelmingness and feel overwhelmed, accepting that
feeling for ‘given’, ‘fact’, ‘done deal’;
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself
to place myself inferior to the feeling overwhelmingness – any feeling/emotion
for that matter;
I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to take
responsibility for my experience of overwhelmingness in the moment it comes up;
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself
to hide myself from myself, hide behind overwhelmingness – within this
suppressing my life force and succumbing to an emotional state that isn’t truly
best for me.
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself
to remain in self dishonesty in moments where the experience/emotion of
overwhelmingness activates/builds up by giving in to the experience/emotion of
overwhelmingness and making it ‘more than’ me.
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself
to exist in stress as overwhelmingness, and to place myself under stress,
despite the consequences for my physical body and general well-being.
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself
to be/exist ‘under stress’ and within that strain and deplete my physical body.
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself
to feed stress, to create this stress condition, by giving in to the
experience/emotion of overwhelmingness, feeding it in turn with thoughts that
‘justify’ it.
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself
to exist under stress, which is a form of suppression as well as
self-victimization, where self responsibility is abdicated to the
energy/experience/mind-system-definition of stress –
where I am UNDER it, thus suppressed, and inferior.
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself
to exist in fear, as inferior – when all of that which I place myself inferior
to and in fear towards exists ONLY in my OWN mind; as how I myself relate to
and associate with everything and everyone that is part of my world/reality.
I commit myself to redefine stress as a flag-point, an
indicator that I set for myself – so that when the experience of stress comes
up in a moment, I can breathe, look, and see – what is the point that’s coming
up that requires my attention, my direction, my response-ability – to be
settled, aligned, at ease.
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself
to exist in stress to such an extent that my whole being is yearning for a sort
of ease, for everything to stop for a moment – and I forgive myself that I
haven’t allowed myself to realize that it is I myself that must stop, and the
absolute extent to which I must stop in a moment and ground myself here.
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself
to accept my living and my being to be driven and determined by the experience/emotion
of overwhelmingness – which is in essence a state of survival / existing in
survival-mode – where I had walked my life in a state of ‘on the run’, almost
like a refugee, and in a state of lack, as inadequacy, always running after
time, always trying to do more, receive acceptance, get valued – while I was
not valuing myself and my own life/living, I was not accepting myself here but
was placing myself under stress of achievement, for ‘worth’ and ‘value’ that is
to be given and granted to me from outside of myself –
instead of realizing
(and living the realization to the utmost) that I must grant it to myself, I
must give and thus live the words Worth and Value, Self Acceptance and Ease,
and I must grant myself the permission to Be Here, realizing Self
Responsibility within Being Here – for myself to begin with, as respect toward
and as this life that I was granted with here on earth, respect to toward and
as this body that hosts and carries and expresses ‘who I am’ throughout this
life; and as direction and clarity for this mind that was intended as a tool
but got tainted by the skewed mechanics of this world game that we have as our
existence in consciousness/ego ‘creating life’ on earth.
But look – what are we creating on earth in our lives
– we are creating consequence. Who knows the historical extent which we are now
facing the manifested consequences of, as our humanity is awakening to an
awareness of reality, of life.
More self forgiveness process and self commitment
statements going deeper into this context coming up in the next post.
Thanks for reading.
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