ART by Anna Brix Thomsen |
So I’ve been facing the point of relationship(s) for some time now and I looked at how I have defined myself within and through relationship(s) – how have I defined relationship, how have I defined myself in relation to relationship, how have I defined the meaning of life, or fulfillment, or self-realization, or intimacy and expansion, or the living of oneness and equality. Wherein – all definitions we have ‘created’ throughout our lives thus far, are rather accepted and allowed, are rather adopted or formed from what was already here, and thus are based in the mind and not actual living awareness; are based in projections, in points separate from self projected ‘out there’ onto some future, or another being, or a relationship – an idea, a construct. Such constructs are based in polarity, basically of superiority / inferiority, seen and experienced as lack and attainment, fear and desire, love and hate, war and peace, and all kinds of value-judgments on a hierarchic scale between positive and negative, creating a ‘morality’ that is of self-interest, that is of separation, that is of comparison and competition, that is of fear of loss and desire for power, whatever that ‘power’ is defined by/as in different cultures, societies, religions, philosophies, mentalities, any groupings on Earth, whatever that ‘power’ is defined by/as in the individual mind that is seeking for that “something”.
Since I’ve come across the Desteni material and started applying the tools of self-honesty, self-investigation in writing, self-forgiveness and self-corrective living-application, I came to see clearer and clearer how we as human beings are constantly in a mode of either running from ourselves, suppressing ourselves, hiding ourselves, denying ourselves, or comparing ourselves, or showing-off, or creating a make-believe love & light reality – whatever it is it is always about “me” and therefore the ego is at play – the mind consciousness that has become the ‘self-interest’ of a self-preservation system of mental and emotional patterns that keep self ‘within the box’ of its definitions, of its acceptances and allowances; that keep self ‘safe’ from becoming anything more than what the System requires one to be so that, in the bigger picture, each one is busy serving the system, fighting against oneself in essence, definitely not existing in actual self-support as life, as that which one would like to see for all life forevermore where there will be no more separation, no more abuse, no more manipulation, no more war, where actual love is born and is here as ourselves, as a living expression of who we are, as life.
ART by Andrew Gable |
Here I’d like to share a comment I wrote today on the Desteni forum, where a relationship point was brought up and shared, and several people shared really cool questions and perspectives.
The point was about conflict and responsibility issues in the context of relationship as well as about blame and the emotional dimension of relationship-playouts, and this is what I looked at and how I looked at it -
and I am sharing this because everyone/anyone can relate such points to one's own experiences and thus this can be an 'inspiration' for one's own self-investigation / self-honest introspection.
“So on the one hand you are experiencing yourself being 'abused' and treated in a way that you do not/cannot accept, but you do not stop your participation / stop the relationship, you do not change who YOU are within that whole context – you are trying to change the other person, you are trying to change the relationship through imposing change onto the other person.
Obviously first of all one must look whether there is in fact abuse happening /being allowed, or whether one's perception has completely overshadowed the actuality of reality. Here self-honesty is required.
But if the other person is not treating you with respect, then the question would be: why do you want this relationship?
You do seem to want the relationship /want the other person in your world, but you want it under your own terms, which is showing you that there is a point of self-interest here, meaning: you want the other person to be this or that for you, so you can have a definition of ‘relationship’ that makes you feel/experience 'content' or 'acceptance' or whatever the 'value' is that you've projected into that point – instead of accepting/living that point within yourself, changing You and becoming that point for yourself, as yourself.
That is what we tend to do in relationships because we are co-existing on a mind dimension based in separation, polarity, competition, seeking for 'value' while we disregard the value of life within self. That's why relationships are often characterized through dependency and constant competition, fear of loss, blame, revenge, and endless cycles of abuse - because one is trying to get / attain / experience that one point that you've placed value into, in separation from oneself.
The suggestion here is to explore and consider the point of self-responsibility, self-honesty, self-support – and what that practically entails. How do you really live self-responsibility, how do you really live self-honesty, how do you really live self-support?
We often tend to/try to 'walk process' through another/others/relationships - but that is not possible.
Each one must walk their process.
Such points, or values, or change: we must in fact live/be for ourselves, as a living expression of ourselves, otherwise we'll remain forever searching and trying to impose/seek the point through the mind – instead of living it, sharing it, as a living expression of who I am.
Living it as a living expression of who self is – that would be self-fulfillment, self-realization.
This approach (of SELF honesty, SELF realization, SELF responsibility) opens the door to knowing oneself, and also opens the door to really seeing another, really understanding how they became what they are today; seeing the totality of a person and why they are who and how they are, seeing where they stand in their process and allowing them to walk their process as a living exploration of themselves –
and yes one can assist each-other within that, but it's not to try and impose process or impose equality through/as a 'higher force' because that is the mind, that is polarity, that is competition/judgment, that is separation.
So yes, the point of 'taking things personally' is a point for everyone, all of us, to investigate -
and it's a cool flag point to work with, meaning: the moment one goes into 'taking something personally', one can be certain that there is ego at play, there is self-interest, and one will blame another because one’s view of reality is limited/distorted as it is coming from a mind consciousness system perspective and it's got a need, an 'agenda' to satisfy –
That is then one's self-responsibility: to reveal to oneself that 'agenda', to look in self-honesty, to investigate and see the mechanisms of the mind and how it is only busy keeping everything/everyone 'controlled' and thus 'limited'.
The point of 'taking things personally' is a really cool point to work with, as it is not only the point that indicates and supports self-interest as ego, it is also the point that keeps us from expanding ourselves, from seeing direct, Here, seeing in equality and oneness, seeing common sense.
So in moments of 'taking things personally' – we can slow down, let go of whatever it is the mind is trying to prove, start breathing and pushing through the mind-construct, and support ourselves physically through breathing, expanding, standing-up within self.
Breathe in self-awareness and take on the responsibility of walking through the energy, the reaction, the want of the mind to prove something / be right, whatever it is.
Because only when the energy is no more and nothing moves one from the inside, one is able to see and realize the 'whole picture' instead of only seeing/considering one's own personal interest which is not even the actual interest of self as a being of life, it is of the mind.
And for the mind it's very easy to use anything one feeds it with to 'preserve itself' / 'protect itself' – so even the principle of equality and oneness can be abused for self-interest (where one then may start to use their idea of equality and oneness to in the mind create a ‘logic’ that will ‘justify’ self-interest and self-righteousness and why another must pay for what self is experiencing, for instance).
That's what the mind does. That's what we do as the mind. That is the devolved nature of the human. That’s why our world is a living hell for most parts of life.
Even that is not to be taken personally! To not now start creating reactions towards such realizations – but simply to see and realize: okay, so that is how I as a mind work, that's how the mind works as polarity, as separation. That is why the constant inner and outer conflict. I see. So let me embrace myself as all that which I have become, and let me explore what it really means to support me as one, me as equal, me in oneness and equality as life, within myself, for myself, as myself. Let me explore what it means to stop the friction and the conflict within self and be one, be equal, as me here. Let me start small. Let me get to my self-honesty. Let me ask myself some questions that really truly pertain to myself, to who I am, and not who another is.
So definitely it is to begin with ourselves, walk our process, support ourselves, change ourselves and live it –
that is the best support we can be for others!
In essence, what we face – is what we have already created.
So the question for self to ask would be: what am I creating? how am I creating it? what am I creating myself as? what am I creating another/my world as?
So the conflict you are facing is actually showing to you what you have created, based on how you have defined yourself, how you have defined the other, how you have defined the relationship itself, how you have defined yourself and the other within the relationship;
And you can look at what expectations of yourself have you projected onto the other / the relationship, how are there polarities playing out within your mind, where is blame still being allowed –
and blame is also a cool indication/flag-point, because blame always shows that we've separated ourselves from a point of responsibility and are trying to make something/someone else responsible for who/how we are or how we are experiencing ourselves - while we are in fact the creators - self is the creator.
So it's also to accept self as the creator.
Realizing – I am here, therefore my responsibility is here.
So , let me perfect my creation AS myself. Let me focus on myself. Starting within myself, facing my mind, facing myself as the mind that I have become.
Step by step. Breath by breath. In self-honesty and self-support.”
See also:
Day 262: Desteni ReSearch & the Actuality of Reality
Day 263: Desteni: Self-Support / Life-Support in Oneness and Equality
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ART by Marlen Vargas Del Razo |
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