Day 532 | “If this, then that...” part 2: Control vs Awareness

ART by MatterFreeMan

 

Continuing from my previous post "If this, then that..."

 

… So the problem I see is how parents rather attempt to control their children, control their reality through manipulation, instead of creating real empowerment and treating children as equals through direct communication and practical common sense considerations – where actual LEARNING can take place.

Parents hardly take the time to share with their children what they themselves may be experiencing, problems they are facing and solutions they are considering – or what they have learned out of past challenges and how they have overcome them, what they LEARNED and how they LEARNED.

So how much are we really learning?

Are we willing to learn from our children for instance?

So at the core of the problem - we find ourselves. I mean, even as parents (or "grown-ups") we hardly ever take that self-honest road of introspecting our own minds, our own reactions, our own problems - I mean, if we would truly do this, we would be much more likely to keep learning, to always find solutions and with such a starting-point we’d be more likely and able to implement those solutions/corrections and live them into reality.

Without the fear of making a mistake.

Let’s repeat this last one: Without the fear of making mistakes.

And now let’s look further into this point of CONTROL that we began with.

Acting-out ‘control’ as most parents TRY to do, what are we essentially saying: the way you do it is a mistake, is wrong – or: what you do is a mistake, is wrong. This, especially to a child, easily translates into: you are wrong – you are a mistake.

How many of us are familiar with the fear of making a mistake – or the fear of others noticing a mistake we made – or with the tendency to not approach things when we are likely to make a mistake… Does this begin to reveal how our idea of ‘control’ is just a fallacy?

Obviously there’s nothing wrong in pointing out mistakes, lol, but in that case you’d better be able to show why and how a mistake is a mis-take. Show the consequence, show the outflow, show the outcome that one (or other people) may be experiencing as a result. Here the child has the opportunity to do something differently, not because YOU know better, but because they THEMSELVES want to do better – as they see HOW and WHY it can be done better, with better outflows, and good i.e. constructive consequences for everyone involved.

I mean, we can see in the big and the small how ‘control’ is obviously an illusion – it is a con and a troll – and it backfires.

...To be continued! 

For more on parenting, child development and solution considerations, check out the following Blogs:

Journey to a New Life

Teacher's Journey to Life

You may also be interested in the daily process blogs that people from around the world share:

Destonians - The Earthlings

Join us in the Journey to Life !


*To participate & share perspectives visit the Forum

*For support in self empowerment visit desteniIprocess

*Visit @eqafe for educational downloadables, life-changing perspectives, music & much more...
...as well as loads of free stuff that you'll definitely enjoy : ) 


Check out the Desteni I Process Lite – a FREE online course that will assist humanity to change the human condition and end the disaster of a dysfunctional consciousness.

Activists!

Check out the Living Income Guaranteed Proposal @ the Equal Life Foundation – a HOLISTIC and PRACTICAL approach to the current socio-economic condition to end the disaster of a dysfunctional capitalism.

Day 531 | "If this, then that..."

These days that I'm spending with family, I'm having the opportunity to observe the children of relatives and I've noticed an interesting phenomenon:

I have observed how children tend to copy/adapt the behaviors of grown-ups …well, this is only natural, you'll say, this is how children learn: by observing how everyone else in their environment is handling things, is behaving, etc. Yes, isn’t this then one more reason for us ‘grown-ups’ to be particularly aware of who and how we are and how our behaviors may influence others, especially children?

In one instance, one of the children who previously didn't want to participate in a group game because he was busy playing his own game, now later wanted to join us as he was finished with his previous occupation. We explained to him that we can all play together in a moment, once we finish up this round, then we can all begin a new game together.

The child now was very upset, and what he did was to use emotional manipulation by saying: "well then - if I can't play with you then I will sit here all alone and do nothing, on Christmas!"  He said this in a tonality that showed the intention to make everyone else, especially his parents, feel guilty and/or sorry for him. In that moment I wondered how/where he got that idea, and I recalled how his father was using similar tactics as a form of ‘control’ or ‘punishment’, indicating to the child that: if you are like this /if you do this, then I will be like this /then this is what you’ll get.

Now –

what is interesting is that this form of "if this then that" logic is in itself quite valid - as that is the equation upon which this reality of consequence is based.

And it is indeed quite vital that we learn and understand what consequences our actions have. In fact, it would be excellent if we could teach our children through such simple equations, helping them understand how consequence is created and that in fact each action (or even non-action) – each decision and every little choice we make at any given moment – has a consequence.

This also means that consequence is not something 'bad' per se -

it is simply the outflow, the mathematical outcome, if you will, of an action/inaction, of a decision or choice we make at any given moment.

It is such a pity that in this world we tend to use this equation (“if this then that”) in the polarity of ‘reward and punishment’.

In other words, instead of using this equation of “if this then that” to teach reality-based common sense in its practicality, which includes the insight and understanding of cause and effect, that in turn would be a great way to teach self responsibility – what do we do? We teach our children how to manipulate using ‘threats’ and other emotional manipulation triggers. Why?

Well for one, this seems to be all we've known throughout generations of 'education' and 'evolution'. This is the way the world system - and all its systems, including parenting - have functioned for a long long time already. Parents are often overwhelmed by their own children and simply do not have the practical tools required to deal with their own mind and their own reactions and mental/emotional patterns to begin with.

Furthermore, this polarity system is how the world system indoctrinates its citizens into submission and attempts to control people's behavior, even people's very fears & desires – through reward & punishment.

So the problem I see is how parents rather attempt to control their children, control their reality through manipulation, instead of creating real empowerment and treating children as equals through direct communication and practical common sense considerations.

Parents hardly take the time to share with their children what they themselves may be experiencing, problems they are facing and solutions they are considering. I mean, in that case the learning process of the parent, when shared, would become a learning process for the child equally, and the child would not have to go through the same stuff in order to find better ways of dealing with reality and themselves.

Again the core of the problem here is that parents ("grown-ups") themselves hardly ever take that self-honest road of introspecting their own minds, their own reactions, their own problems –

I mean, if we would truly do this, we would be much more likely to find solutions and much more able to implement those solutions and live them into creation.

A problem always contains its solution. It is a matter of Looking - Seeing - Understanding - and being willing to correct/change.

The equation of "if this, then that..." is an excellent little formula through which we can a) investigate our own conditioned patterns and b) get to practical common sense solutions – based on the actual cause & effect realizations that we would inevitably come to, if we’d only be willing to 'think outside the box', if we’d only be willing to move beyond our own limitations, our own preconceived ideas, beyond our very own ego and 'how we like things'.

How we like things seldom considers other people. How we like things is mostly based on our own conditioned stimuli-response patterns. How we like things is more often than not how we keep history repeating and manipulate our reality to serve our ego.

This is quite a problem, not only on individual scale, but obviously also in the global scope of the entire world system – a system based on self-interest, where LIFE, that which is Best-for-All is not considered, is not part of the equation.

Despite the fact that "how things are" is the way things have been for as long as we can remember – be fooled not! There IS another way. We show this at desteni, an international group of individuals exploring the principle of equality and oneness and ways to transcend polarity and separation, so as to get ourselves into viable, sustainable, best-for-all solutions, within and without.

…to be continued

For more on parenting, child development and solution considerations, check out the following Blogs:

Journey to a New Life

Teacher's Journey to Life

You may also be interested in the daily process blogs that people from around the world share:

Destonians - The Earthlings

Join us in the Journey to Life !


*To participate & share perspectives visit the Forum

*For support in self empowerment visit desteniIprocess

*Visit @eqafe for educational downloadables, life-changing perspectives, music & much more...
...as well as loads of free stuff that you'll definitely enjoy : ) 


Check out the Desteni I Process Lite – a FREE online course that will assist humanity to change the human condition and end the disaster of a dysfunctional consciousness.

Activists!

Check out the Living Income Guaranteed Proposal @ the Equal Life Foundation – a HOLISTIC and PRACTICAL approach to the current socio-economic condition to end the disaster of a dysfunctional capitalism.

475 | What you Feed will Breed or: Judgment Day is Every Day

I could start writing on Syria and the attack scenarios  and the whole ‘war against terror’  conspiracy, but for now you can click the links and check out some perspectives.

What I can say right now is:

Focusing on the problem is a problem.

Both within the small as within the big one can ask oneself what is achieved by focusing on the problem.

I am standing in front of an interesting realization. I took one part/aspect of my life, a relationship, and saw a problem within it, and focused on that problem and blew it out of proportion and I manifested in the end my own nightmare, my own judgments and fears.

So now when I look at myself I see that one dimension only, that one dimension of who I am, that one dimension/aspect/relationship and what I had projected into it: ‘possessed’ me, possessed my experience, my thought processes, my judgments, my emotional reactions, my words – my entire existence.

And so now I am facing this ‘me’ that I have become within that relationship, realizing it’s not what/who I want to be, and realizing that there is no other way to move on but forgiven myself and no longer be that, through stopping self-judgment, letting go of regret and self-sabotage.

That ‘me’ is not something separate from me, I had become it, and I realize that it’s my own self-imprisonment, the walls I build around me out of fear of living, out of fear of being me, out of fear of judgment or rejection – and yet I reject myself, I judge myself, and then suspect others of doing so.

I know that I don’t have to fear who I really am because I do find common sense and the value of life within me, and yet I have allowed a part of me, a part I did not yet understand so well due to suppression, projection, denial, a part of me that existed within and as my subconscious and unconscious mind as memories and value-definitions and relationships / associations, to possess me and determine/direct what I wanted / desired / needed, how I defined myself within such want/desire/need, what I would do and say to get what I wanted / desired / needed – all based on a skewed ‘logic’ of self-interest.

So yes it can be assessed as ‘scary’ to find such existence within myself – though it shouldn’t surprise me as I recognize within it all the patterns that I was exposed to and/or observed throughout my childhood and teenage years through/with the people close to me.

Imagine, the same protection- and defense-mechanisms my people applied when they expressed/suppressed in a way that hurt, the same mechanisms I found myself applying within my relationship: self-victimization, blame, comparison paranoia, it’s just ugly. And definitely not something I want to accept or allow within me or any form of life for that matter.

So now basically the challenge I’m facing is – and I say challenge because I realize the difference between saying, believing, projecting, imagining, or trying to ‘find’ or ‘have’ self-worth, self-respect, self-acceptance; and living it – making the change/correction/transformation real and deliberately letting go of the ‘old patterns’ the moment I see them come-up within me, for I have seen and realized they do not serve me as life or others as life.

Now obviously I cannot continue judging myself, I cannot continue looking at myself, at my ‘here and now’, from the perspective of this one dimension/aspect/part of my life which was blown out of proportion and within which I had lost my focus, my self-responsibility, myself –  

which I now also realize or have to admit that, I forgive myself for I have accepted and allowed myself to use the relationship as a justification for not taking self-responsibility, for not loving me, for not supporting me, for not focusing on me and who I am and am becoming.

Had I done that from the beginning, I would/could have prevented myself from becoming obsessed/possessed within relationship patterns that I existed as in my mind/consciousness and projected outwards and defined myself and my experience by…

So I faced regret.

And I am working through it, realizing obviously that self-forgiveness is the only solution, the only way forward; but that alone is not enough, because I must live the correction/change/transformation of that which I have forgiven, and also within that: embrace it as myself (realizing I had become that) and let it go – amalgamate – so that only I remain and I move forward in self-respect and dignity as life.

I realize it’s gonna take many small steps. This humbles me greatly, though I will not wallow in an idea of humbleness, but rather humbly return to the basics, to myself, to me here within and as breath/breathing, within the realization and decision that I am doing this for me, thus I give me to me, I give myself the value, give myself life, in valuing and honoring my decision through living it, and within that: valuing and honoring myself as Life, as Living.

I know this all may sound a bit ‘dramatic’ and I suppose that it because the point of relationships defined much of ‘me’ and my life. Relationships has always been an issue in my life – generally that is, relating to other people, and defining myself through the eyes of others; 

and this is a point I am taking on more consciously now in terms of being present with myself when I am alone, and being present in self-awareness when I meet people wherein I direct/move myself gently yet with determination to free myself from this resonant self-imprisonment wherein I hold judgment against myself and consequently judgment towards others; wherein I am trapped in a state of trying to fulfill something, an idea, a feeling, a desire or hope or need for validation/acceptance and thus at the same time per implication accepting ‘me here’ as ‘inferior’, ‘inadequate’ and ‘unworthy’, denying myself self-acceptance and self-worth, thus existing without self-respect, without honor.

I commit myself to assist and support myself in the living words Honor and Self-Respect, by making my decision to stop all judgment and separation and set myself free – thus to honor and respect myself – and by honoring my decision in every moment, I honor myself and show myself the respect I am worth as life, as living.

Thus I commit myself to in my relationships, in every moment of participation: slow down, be here, hear, and express, participate from a starting-point of self-respect and common sense, common interest as life, allowing myself to be ‘free’ of polarity (superiority/inferiority), to be open and direct, to be expressive, to be alive, to live and express.

I commit myself to stop perceiving and projecting inequality within relationships, as I realize that even though inequality is the root of the problem, we cannot change anything by focusing on the problem; rather it is to understand How inequality functions and exists within and as ‘who I am’ and thus transform/align who I am from a starting-point of equality, of self-support – thus also focusing on living the solution, living the realization of life in equality as oneness, step by step, breathe by breath.

Awesome practical support in the following:

·  Transforming Self Judgement into self Acceptance – The Metaphysical Secrets of Imagination - Part 17  

·  Self Respect - The Metaphysical Secrets of Imagination - Part 18

·  Respect, Integrity, Trust and Honour - The Metaphysical Secrets of Imagination - Part 19

·  How do I Stop Punishing Myself? - The Metaphysical Secrets of Imagination - Part 20

·  Self Respect through Honour - The Metaphysical Secrets of Imagination - Part 21

·  Living Self Respect and Integrity - The Metaphysical Secrets of Imagination - Part 22

 

There's also FREE Downloadables at EQAFE!

ART by Matti Freeman

Check out the Desteni I Process Lite – a FREE course that will assist humanity to end the disaster of a dysfunctional consciousness.


Check out the Bill of Rights @ the Equal Life Foundation - a comprehensive approach to our Co-existence to ensure the Right to Life, Freedom and Dignity for All.


Check out the Basic Income Guaranteed – with solutions that can be established in this lifetime to end the disaster of a profit driven system.

Blogs to Study:

Basic Income Guaranteed - Home - With Blogs & News
Economist's Journey to Life - BIG Solutions for the World's Economy
Politics and Political Action Re-Evaluated

Criminology, Cause & Effect, and How to establish a Society that's Pro-Life
Practicality for the Transcendence Process of Human Systems

Common Sense Considerations in the Light of Mankind's History

Psychology and How it can be used to Support Human Life

MUST-READ on Life and Creation:

http://creationsjourneytolife.blogspot.com

http://earthsjourneytolife.blogspot.com

http://heavensjourneytolife.blogspot.com

http://activistsjourneytolife.blogspot.com
http://desteni.org/articles

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