Day 118: The Consequence of the It's Not Worth It Character

ART by Andrew Gable

What I realized within seeing the self-sabotage I had allowed through accepting the thought / idea / perception of “it's not worth it", is that within that, I was effectively stating that: I am not worth it.

And consequently, I would not GIVE myself the chance and the opportunity to express and expand and explore and discover: MYSELF.

Instead, I had accepted and allowed myself to go into self-doubt and self-inferiority, not however FACING that self-doubt or inferiority, but instead creating cover-ups to deceive myself into 'feeling better' and believing that ‘everything is okay’. The main cover-up, as I realized through a mind construct I worked on in the context of my desteni I process training, has been the character/personality of “it's not worth it” (see my previous blog post on deconstructing this particular character and understanding through what kind of thoughts, beliefs and justifications such character is created and exists through.)

So - the consequence of accepting and allowing myself to give-in to the MIND and the THOUGHTS that came up everytime I was faced with making a decision (the thoughts being: “is it really worth it?"... "what if I fail?"... “it's probably just not worth it"... "what if I just waste my time?"...and finally concluding to “it's not worth it" – which was in fact equal to: I GIVE UP) has been that I would not even give myself the chance and the opportunity to explore, try out, test and see for myself whether a point is worth taking on -

'worth taking on' meaning:

not from a mind perspective of self-interest, bound to concepts of 'success' and 'failure', but from the practical perspective of how taking on a point would assist me in expressing, expanding, learning and growing as Life, and whether by taking on the particular point I would thus be supporting myself with skills relevant to LIFE and LIVING.

Furthermore, within accepting and allowing myself to access and activate and become the character/persona that exists based on the premise “it's not worth it", I have sabotaged myself into self-limitation and a tendency to depression, which was a direct outflow/consequence of suppression;

as I suppressed my self motivation out of fear – fear of failure, fear of change, fear of responsibility, fear of losing the 'security' I perceived to have through remaining within the bounds of what I already 'know'.

So, on top of this, I further deceived myself through creating JUSTIFICATIONS and EXCUSES as to 'why' I was not pursuing certain ideas I had or projects that were presented to me - wherein I'd for instance say or think to myself that “I don't need this" or "this is for people that have high hopes which are an illusion anyway" or “I rather am humble"... –

not realizing that this 'humbleness' was not true humbleness but merely a pretense, an excuse I used in my attempt to justify why I would beLIEve and allow myself to follow and act on: the thought/ idea /perception of “it's not worth it"; justifying my decision to NOT make an actual decision and remain within the bounds of what is 'known' to me.

I forgive myself that I haven't allowed myself to see, realize and understand that within thinking or stating that a task or a project or an idea I come up with “is not worth it”: I am actually stating that I am not worth it, and that within that I would not GIVE myself the option, the chance and the opportunity to try, test, explore, and expand.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to go into self-doubt and self-inferiority, and that instead of FACING that self-doubt or inferiority within and as myself, I would create cover-ups to deceive myself into 'feeling better' and believing my own pretense that ‘everything is okay' = self-deception.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to develop and become the character/persona that exists based on the premise “it's not worth it", and that within that I sabotaged myself into self-limitation.

I forgive myself that I haven't allowed myself to see, realize and understand that the tendency to depression is a direct outflow/consequence of self suppression, wherein one will suppress any self motivation out of fear - OR one will go to the opposite-polarity and will use self motivation to ‘elevate' oneself in one's mind, creating delusions of grandeur and a boosted ego.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed fear of failure to direct my decisions instead of me being the directive principle of me.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed fear of change to determine my decisions and thus making decisions in self-interest because in fact: I as a mind consciousness system feared losing the 'security' I perceive to have through remaining within the bounds of what I already 'know'.

I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to see, realize and understand that it all boils down to self-responsibility – and that I accepted and allowed myself to fear self-responsibility, fear being the directive authority of me and my decisions, within this in fact giving-up on myself and abdicating the directive-power of me to the mind consciousness system to determine ‘who I am’ and what decisions I make in life.

I forgive myself that I haven't allowed myself to see, realize and understand that 'remaining within the bounds of what I know' implies that I am limited through my own acceptance and allowance, and am defending my limitation with justifications and excuses –

Within this I forgive myself that I haven't allowed myself to see, realize and understand that only a MIND fights for its limitations because a MIND exists through polarity friction as made-up characters / personalities; and the moment the mind's personalities / characters are 'threatened' through a change in one's environment or a challenge presented within one's world where one is faced with a decision:

the mind goes into FEAR and activates all its protection- and defense-mechanisms, in anxiety about 'losing itself' or ‘failing’ or ‘losing’ as the personality / character it has defined itself as.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to exist as a mind only, fighting for my limitations and developing justifications as excuses as to 'why' I keep myself limited and do not allow myself to express, expand and grow as LIFE: in equality and oneness with who I am as a living being here in this physical reality.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to FEAR 'failure' and 'ridicule' and, in order to cover-up and avoid facing this fear, to deal with and direct it effectively: I as a mind consciousness system then developed the thought / idea / perception that “it's not worth it anyway" as a way to avoid 'failure' and to avoid 'ridicule', when in fact such 'failure' and 'ridicule' only exists in MY mind as an IDEA / CONCEPT / PERCEPTION based on the definitions I have adopted, accepted and allowed and consequently based my 'logic' on.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed a world, a society, where we do not learn the skills of self-honesty; we do not get to know and understand how we function as mind consciousness systems, what mechanisms direct our perception and rationalization and how, when these mechanisms are applied/activated and why, and what all that implies about who we human beings are.

I forgive myself that I haven't allowed myself to consider that if we were to learn, understand and realize HOW we function as mind consciousness systems, we would in fact be in a position to CHANGE ourselves and stand-up to no longer accept or allow the deception and abuse of the world system that exploits life for profit –

to no longer allow ourselves to limit, restrict and sabotage ourselves in the first place!

I forgive myself that I haven't allowed myself to consider that obviously the capitalist world order that is the current SYSTEM does NOT want human beings to see, realize and understand how this reality as consciousness functions, because then human beings would be a THREAT to the SYSTEM and would no longer be just the slaves that keep the system running by participating in the same patterns of deception and abuse that we see everywhere in the world.

Read up on the MIND and CREATION:
http://creationsjourneytolife.blogspot.com
http://earthsjourneytolife.blogspot.com
http://heavensjourneytolife.blogspot.com
http://desteni.org/articles

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http://earthglobalreview.wordpress.com

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