Day 188: Be_Longing * The Trap of Infinity

ART by Marlen Vargas Del Razo

This is the self-forgiveness that opened up after writing out on the word “BELONGING” / Be_Longing.
(From my next blog post I will start walking the self-forgiveness on the various dimensions of the pattern as revealed through my writing, posted under “Name the Game – Laying out the Mind CONstruct”.)

For further context see also
Day 184: Facing the Consequences of Following the Mind
Day 185: Value Issues & Consequences of Running on ENERGY


I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to exist within the want / need / desire to ‘belong’, instead of realizing that this is but an idea I project in the belief that from some reason I do not ‘belong’ – wherein such definition of ‘not belonging’ may even be coming from my forefathers and times of war, fleeing, being a refugee, trying to settle in another country away from family etc.: all of which are points that my parents were heavily exposed to.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to take the ‘feeling’/’experience’ of “I don’t belong” for valid and to believe it is real based on my childhood experience – instead of looking at the point in common sense and making an informed decision about whether this ‘feeling’/ ‘experience’ is something that supports me/life.

I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to see, realize and understand that, being driven from the want / need / desire to belong: I’d change myself in an attempt to ‘belong’, and thus I’d compromise myself as who I really am just to ‘fit in’ and ‘get the feeling’ that I ‘belong’.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to compromise who I am for the sake of ‘fitting in’ – instead of realizing that this is the way the system has you by the balls, as within growing up and losing the innocence of a child, one start applying various tactics of survival and developing personalities to ‘fit’ the world, to have an ‘identity’ – which results into a human race existing in constant competition and self-righteousness, disregarding the common ground we are all on here, and missing all practical common sense in terms of living what is best for LIFE in fact.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to have a thought as a picture in my head wherein I see me as ‘lonely’, ‘lost’, not belonging, homeless, alone, someone trying to find their place in this world – instead of taking the responsibility to determine ‘my place’ as an equal part of life, thus standing for life, no matter what.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to, from this picture and based on the fact that I took this perception for granted and saw it as valid, see myself as unworthy and feel sorry for myself, going thus into a ‘negative’ self-definition, accepting a ‘negative’ identification, thus assigning myself ‘negative’ value and then trying to raise my ‘value’ through seeking to ‘be accepted’ and to ‘belong’ –
instead of seeing that it is me that accepts a self-definition as ‘unworthy’ and thus it is me that is the only able to stop/change/re-from this.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from the value of life – projecting value outside of myself and then trying to ‘reach’ it / ‘gain’ it / ‘attain’ it.
How absurd is that?!


I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to imagine the ‘fulfilment’ of my ‘longing to belong’ within and through a relationship that would provide me a ‘home’ and ‘acceptance’ – instead of seeing that within that I’d actually be making another/a relationship responsible to ‘fulfil’ me and thus within that making myself subject to such relationship, not seeing that such relationship is but a projection of mine, a point which I separated from me here and projected ‘out there’, assigning it ‘positive’ value, within this implying that me here is equal to ‘negative’ value and that it is within that projection that I will find/gain/attain ‘positive’ value –
instead of realizing that both ‘negative’ and ‘positive’ “values” are in fact value-judgments of the mind and not in fact real –
yet made real through belief –

and therefore within this I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to exist in an alternate reality of the mind, trapped within my own perception; separating myself from who I am as life, abdicating my value as life, and defining myself based on value-judgments of polarity.

Within this I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to make myself subject to consciousness as polarity.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to make myself subject to the self-interest of a personality conditioned as ‘unworthy’ and thus trying to be ‘valued’/ ‘accepted’ / ‘validated’.
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to exist as such personality and to within that abdicate my value as life.

I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to accept my value here as life.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to follow the internal conversations in my mind that come up to validate my ‘feeling’ / ‘experience’ of ‘not belonging’ – instead of realizing that such interval conversations are the result of accepted definitions as I have been exposed to them throughout my life, and that I no longer have to accept such definitions as real, because I realize that whatever I have made real as me/the experience of myself: I have made real through acceptance and allowance; and thus by changing/re-defining what I will accept and allow and what not, I can change the experience of myself and start living based on common sense in self-honesty instead of acting-out definitions of consciousness which I had accepted in unawareness.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to react in self-pity whenever the ‘feeling’/ ‘experience’ of “I don’t belong” comes up, and to then expect from others/my relationship to ‘do something about it’ – instead of realizing that within this I am making someone/something else responsible for who I am and how I experience myself, rather than taking self-responsibility to investigate how the experience of myself comes about, how it is created, and how in fact it is I that accepts and allows the patterns that constitute this experience.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to change myself and compromise myself in an attempt to fulfil my projected idea of ‘belonging’ – and within this I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to compromise life for the sake of self-interest, which is nothing but the interest of a personality based on conditioned self-definitions that are only real through belief and applied behaviour/reaction.

I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to see, realize and understand that everything we are, everything we experience: we create –
and therefore we are always self-responsible;

It is therefore vital to understand exactly HOW we create ourselves, which is the only way to stop the self-abdication and walk self into a corrective living that restores the value of life as who we really are.

I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to see the trap of infinity within this pattern of “longing to belong”:
as one is always thrown about between ‘having’ and ‘losing’, ‘feeling valuable/valued’ and ‘feeling unworthy’, and within that there can be no self-stability as life because when one is perceiving self to ‘lack’ one will be busy ‘seeking’, and once one believes to have ‘found’ one will be busy trying not to ‘lose’ – thus within that infinitely separating actual value from self as life, thus abdicating life for an infinite pattern that recycles based on action-reaction and polarity definitions of the mind; thus self is in fact trapped in the mind, cycling around itself, seeking in fact for self, yet missing self, as one is seeking for self ‘out there’, within projections.


I commit myself to restore the value of life within and as myself.

I commit myself to accepting me as the value of life here.

I commit myself to living self-worth as who I am equal to life.

I commit myself to investigate any and all ways in which I compromise myself in an attempt to “belong”- so as to Stop the self-abdication and remain true to myself as who I am of life.

I commit myself to stopping the absurd idea that I need to / have to / must feel like “I belong”.

I commit myself to living the realization that I belong here on earth, and am thus within that equal to all that is here on earth.

I commit myself to supporting the living application of equality and oneness, which implies absolute self-responsibility and self dignity as life - because that is the only way to manifest an existence where all life can in fact truly belong, as One, as Equals.


I commit myself to showing that we are where are currently as humanity on this earth without COMMON SENSE and without a system of SUPPORT for all life equally : because of our individual pursuit of delusions and illusions that we create in the mind in separation from the actual value of life, forever seeking while we are in fact Here, yet we miss the Here as we are blinded within our own minds, pursuing the pursuit of ‘personal happiness’, in spite of the evidence that no happiness ‘gained’ / ‘reached’ / ‘attained’ in this world is ever lasting.

I commit myself to exposing our existence of SELF RELIGION –
wherein based on 'individual' beliefs, each one is trying to BE_LONG in whatever one places value in; resulting in a system and an existence where each one only follows self-interest as the self religion –
instead of realizing the common sense that we all belong together as LIFE, and that whenever a part of life is disregarded or exploited in the name of PERSONAL beliefs/ideas/desires : Life as a Whole is compromised.

I commit myself to exposing the consumerism system for what it is: a profit-machine selling fake “values” and concepts of ‘power’, ‘success’, ‘happiness’, while 2/3 of the world cannot even have a dignified life, a child dies every couple of seconds, and 99% of human beings exist in absolute mental dis-order and dis-ease, in the image and likeness of this bipolar system –

which in fact is manifested as a reflection of the bipolar nature of the human race.

As within so without, as below so above.

Shouldn’t we seriously begin to investigate how to change the accepted nature of the human psyche, being that we see what atrocity and exploitation the system we have manifested to manage life on earth causes?

This is what we do at Desteni, this is the Journey to Life, because Life can only exist where there is equal support, equal rights, equal dignity, equal power, equal access, equal responsibility.

No gods, no masters, no slaves.

Instead – responsible individuals that can stand accountable for every thought, word and deed, in full awareness of cause and effect – thus no longer manifesting consequences of destruction and deterioration, but instead reforming our existence in a way that honors LIFE as the only real, actual value, and from that starting-point consequently manifesting a world, a system, an existence that honors LIFE, as One, as Equals.



Join us in the Journey to Life!


Read up on the MIND and CREATION:
http://creationsjourneytolife.blogspot.com
http://earthsjourneytolife.blogspot.com
http://heavensjourneytolife.blogspot.com
http://desteni.org/articles

For support and participation visit:
http://forum.desteni.org
http://equalmoney.org/forum/

Visit my Blog sites:
http://breath-expression.blogspot.com
http://equal-money-revolution.blogspot.com
http://earthglobalreview.wordpress.com

@ eqafe for FREE:
* Quantum Mind Self Awareness - Step 1 and Step 2 <<< MP3 Downloads
* LifeReview - My Life as a Peace Activist <<< MP3 Download
* The Spirituality of the Snail <<< MP3 Download
* Spirituality Under the Microscope - Volume 2 <<< PDF Download
* How I was able to Hear the Desteni Message <<< PDF Download - Blog Compilation
* What the FAQ in an Equal Money System – Volume 2 <<< PDF Download
* Hell Spoof <<< MP3 Download - Music for Equality
* What makes me Starve in a World of Plenty <<< MP3 Download - Music for Equality


End your 'I' Possessions and get to Self Honesty in Self Responsibility - with support at the Desteni 'I' Process

!!! NEW - for FREE - for ALL: Desteni I Process 'lite'