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| ART by Kelly Posey |
What “happened to me” today was something that I several times before told myself I wouldn't want to experience again, and I specifically place the words “happened to me” in quotation marks because it isn’t really that things just happen, they happen through our acceptance and allowance, and we are actually, if we slow ourselves down and look in self-honesty, able to see exactly what we are doing and what we are participating in.
So – I want to expose this point because first I’d like to lay it out for myself to see it in detail and specificity, and secondly because I’d like to give a practical example of the consequences of following the mind.
Let me say something on this point of FOLLOWING the MIND – because it really is so, we follow like sheep, and even if we see ourselves as someone who is not a follower, in fact everyone is a follower in their own mind. What the mind brings up is already designed, predetermined, ‘known’, and that is also why we are so self-righteous about how we ‘feel’, when in fact we don’t really, actually feel (otherwise we would be aware of the child that dies of starvation every couple of seconds, let alone the pain and strain our own physical body is in due to the mental suppression and denial we impose onto it as we dictate the lies we live like characters in a role play);
What we ‘feel’ is what we think and believe. We create our own feelings and emotions, the whole palette of it, and each one have their own ‘individual’ unique range and package of feelings and emotions to ‘justify’ and ‘maintain’ the personalities and character roles one identify with, in separation from life as a whole.
More on this in absolute detail you can find out at Desteni, either through actually taking the courses offered, or through reading and studying the material that is available for free on the website, and participating in the journey to life blogging and the forums, where we assist and support ourselves and each-other in self-honesty and practical common sense.
So – let me begin with sharing how the shit hit the fan today:
I allowed myself to follow and believe and accept as ‘real’ a certain ‘feeling’ that came up within me in the context of my relationship, wherein I had the experience that I am not being included or not being taken into consideration.
Now what is interesting is that I’ve known this ‘feeling’/’experience’ all my life basically – and ironically I have in a way expected that my partner should be ‘the one’ to not give me this ‘experience’.
Already within these words it is clear that I had accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that this ‘feeling’ or ‘experience’ is coming from ‘others’ or that it is ‘others’ that ‘make me feel’ a certain way. Within this is also the abdication of my responsibility for who I am and how I experience myself, wherein then I can make others responsible and thus accordingly praise or blame them in my mind.
Now – even if such experience was to ‘blame’ on an external trigger initially – another child for instance that was in that moment acting-out their ego from the staring-point of their own mind, having actually nothing to do with me personally; yet I took it personally and have, through lack of better understanding, accepted and allowed myself to define myself through that experience, thus accepting myself as ‘not belonging’ or ‘not being considered’, and then in fact expecting to be treated this way. Therefore in essence, from that initial point of reaction/’experience’ and my acceptance and allowance thereof and accordingly the self-definition I formed/accepted based on that, I started recreating that experience in similar situations.
So here it is clear that in the end we are always self-responsible, and that blame does not lead anywhere really but to self-abdication, self-victimization and self-disempowerment.
Back to the story –
so I had this ‘feeling’/’experience’ and instead of immediately having the red flag coming up as in “Alarm! Alarm! You’ve been there before, is this really what you want?”, I started believing the feeling because I had allowed myself to have thoughts of distrust and blame that would ‘justify’ why I was feeling that way. The more ‘reasons’ as thoughts I could find for believing the ‘feeling’, the more I would within my mind go into self-victimization, the angrier I’d become towards the other person, and the more I’d go into a mode of self-righteousness – and the whole thing possessed me in the end and for a while I could see nothing else but what “I” was ‘feeling’, and my partner remained stable until I literally ran out of energy (the energy I had built up through the friction in my mind while thinking and perpetuating the ‘feeling’ of not being included/not being considered), and he then showed me what he was seeing and in that moment I became aware of how extreme my reaction and behavior was, and that this was not at all necessary, and that I could have stopped the thoughts and could’ve stopped myself from going into the ‘feeling’ this way, and I could’ve had a chat with my partner in common sense –
so WHY did I choose to FOLLOW THE MIND and go into all that fucked-up shit?
I will be looking into this question more in detail in my next writings and through self-forgiveness.
What is absolutely clear here is that with every point of blame we accept and allow ourself to go into, we also allow ourselves to abdicate our responsibility and thus our power – the power to actually CHANGE things.
And this is actually a vital point, because we always want to see CHANGE, we always expect others to change so that our ‘experience’ may change – but we do no within that consider that this would be equal to giving away our power in separation from self, because whoever is to ‘save’ us will automatically have power over us – through our own allowance, through our own self-abdication.
In the meantime, make sure to read the Journey to Life posts on the demonic nature of man (man as de-man/demon) and challenge yourself to look at your own existence in absolute self-honesty, as that is the only way to get to the realization of responsibility, and thus the possibility of actual CHANGE.
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http://earthsjourneytolife.blogspot.com
http://heavensjourneytolife.blogspot.com
http://desteni.org/articles
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End your 'I' Possessions and get to Self Honesty through Self Responsibility - with support at the Desteni 'I' Process
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