578 | Reigniting my Passion & Making Decisions – part 2

I’m continuing from my previous post

What I found was that the more I allowed myself to ‘come down to’ self honesty, the more I realized that the way I’d been making my decisions hadn’t been as self determined as it could have been – meaning: where instead of taking into consideration who I am, I was rather taking into consideration who I’m supposed to be. This is bluntly put, just so you get my drift.

So then I found layers of expectations and projections, all in picture form, of how I was looking at myself and how I was seeing my life, within that also many self definitions, boiling down to the realization that, cool, I am getting to Ground Zero, the ground zero of me, and I can now really look at who I am and what defines me. And most importantly the question: who will I define myself? Who am I when everything else fall away.

Now, with grounding myself into and with self honesty – I could see more clearly. I could see where past decisions were coming from and I could see that I now wanted to clear and ground my starting point ‘back to self’.

Once I started doing that – and interestingly enough it was again and again through the experience of ‘disappointment’ involving “other people” that I was ‘forced’ to let the projection go and bring the point back to myself to see what that ‘disappointment’ was actually showing me about ME – once I started doing that, that was where I started reigniting my passion, the spark of life that I am.
What does it mean to LIVE?

Do you happen to know people who will do anything and everything “for others” and then go into a state of self-victimization when “others” do not reciprocate?
It’s quite disgusting in a way, and I can say that because I grew up with a mother like this, lol. But what’s worse is, I had found the very same pattern existing within me in different manifestations. Is that really living? Is that really contributing to life? Or is it rather a point of self abdication, where one’s one value and worth is made dependent on ‘how others respond’, thus validation, acceptance, approval is sought out from the outside, while the relationship with self as the source deteriorates.
I have written about the processes that opened up for me in this context in my posts on Overprotectiveness, which you can reference here

Now back to the initial point – PASSION – what is that, where is it, and why is it not here – if you’re asking yourself these questions then what you need is to ground yourself with where you’re at and allow yourself to be honest with yourself.