Continuing from my previous post where I shared the context for the following process of self forgiveness:
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed an
‘enemy’ construct to exist in my mind as me, where the others are always the
‘enemy’ and I am always right and righteous; where I think I know what’s best
and whoever challenges my containment of what I see as ‘right’ in ‘my world’ or
‘life’ in general, is then perceived as a threat and so I must defend and protect
my world and my knowledge and my view of the world and reality, thinking and
believing that that which is challenging me poses a threat to my ‘survival’ or
my ‘righteousness’;
And I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to
really look into that challenge and turn it into the gift of expanding my
awareness, expanding my understanding, making sure I see into all the
dimensions of any given point and see the picture that my reality and my world
consist of and exist as, as well as my role and location within it and thus my
responsibility.
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself
to not see, realize and understand the actuality of what my experience was
showing and revealing to me when encountering information that is ‘beyond me’;
where I felt that I was bashing against an invisible wall, and what is beyond
that wall barely touches my awareness; where I can’t grasp it, or see it, or
realize it’s here.
And because it’s ‘invisible’ I project/perceive a
fogginess/fuzziness of mind, where my mind then projects like a ‘veil’ across
that entire ‘wall’ that represents knowledge and understanding of a point that
I haven’t yet become aware of; a dimension and perspective of my world and
reality that I haven’t yet realized as me, as here, as reality.
And so within that, I forgive myself that I’ve
accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand how that
experience of a ‘wall’, of an ‘unknown’ or ‘unfathomable’ point caused me to
react in ‘protection and defense’ of ‘my reality’, ‘my view’, ‘my
understanding’ and thus my ‘righteousness’; where my mind, because I reacted
with ‘fogginess’ and ‘fuzziness’ and ‘resistance’ or ‘defense’, basically
giving up on the point and not truly challenging it equally as it is
challenging to me – my mind then projects and perpetuates the veil that keeps
me from seeing beyond what I already ‘know’ and have come to believe is ‘true’
and ‘real’ and ‘all that exists’.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed
myself to not see, realize and understand that it is the defense mechanisms of
the system itself that exist through and as me to ensure the world (and so also
‘I’) continues to spin ‘as is’, ‘keeping the world go round’ and thus remaining
within the bounds and limitations of that which ‘is’ – and currently that which
‘is’ is still a system of deception, control, and separation, and so it is
within and as ourselves that we are able to start transcending that separation,
disengaging the controls and opening up to all relationships of our world to
see, realize and understand how within our very existence we ourselves
contribute to maintaining a deceptive, fraudulent systems that mines and
undermines life.
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself
to exist within survival mode; within a state of mining to ‘live’, out of the
belief that ‘this is how I survive’ and ‘it’s the only way’ because ‘everyone
else is doing it’; where within that I remain resistant toward anything that might
offer new ways, radical change, or something that has never been done before;
and remain ‘defensive’ especially if such ‘new ways’ demand that I make an
effort in awareness to move beyond my limitations and my conditioning and my beliefs
about how things function in the world and what ‘reality’ is.
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself
to not challenge my own knowledge and understanding of ‘my world’ and the world
in general or even of life and living as such, or to think and believe that
some things are just ‘too big’ and ‘too vast’ for me to understand or for
anyone to understand.
And so I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed
myself to react to people who seem to indeed be moving beyond such limitations
and indoctrinated views of the world, challenging me and my own views and perceptions.
And so within this I also forgive myself that I
haven’t truly allowed myself to unconditionally challenge any and all beliefs,
opinions, and ideas within myself. That I had not allowed myself to give ALL
beliefs and opinions that exist within myself an equal questioning and
investigation as to their reality proof and practical potential as well as
their capacity to manifest best-for-all solutions without harm, loss, or debt.
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself
to approach such challenges through the ‘enemy construct’, where I then put up
a guard and go into a ‘protection and defense’ mode for ‘what’s mine’ (whether
that’s knowledge or beliefs or understanding or survival mechanisms), where I
am then in fact ‘fighting for my limitations’ while I continue to ‘mine’ within
the system as a system, keeping the system running as the world as we know it.
And so I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed
myself to fight for my limitations, where I wasn’t seeing how my very knowledge
and understanding constituted my limitation, my ‘reality’ bounds, the limits of
my ability, and kept me from opening up and deepening my understanding,
substantiating my knowledge, growing,
expanding, emerging as directive principle in awareness as life to encompass
truly ALL that is HERE – because only then can I truly change it, transform it,
as me and my world, and this one reality we all share.
I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to see,
realize and understand that we live in a time within our collective process
where every choice matters, every decision counts, because where we put our
energy and time and money and intention into, that which we give attention to,
is that which manifests and grows;
And so we have the absolute responsibility to make
sure we strengthen and grow solutions that are best for LIFE, which are already
available and are being built and developed and lived into creation through
people working together;
We have the responsibility to investigate thoroughly and
in clarity of mind any option of the ‘old system’ that we may still need to
participate in before we make such decision and commitment. For there are
already alternatives being implemented, we just have to reach out and do the
research, connect with like-minded people and groups, and work together.
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself
to think and believe that to make it in this world I have to accept the rules
of the game and participate with the debt/money that the system has taught me
to ‘create’ and to ‘need’, where I think and believe that I have to become
‘something’ or ‘someone’ and be more or less ‘famous’ or ‘unique’ and charge a ‘high
price’ to have me be ‘proven’ to be ‘a star’ – not realizing and understanding
that no matter how noble my intents within myself, so long as I do what I do
out of survival, out of desperation, or even the need to ‘fix’ something or
‘save face’; I am not truly living, nor creating a true alternative that can
stand the test of time and be a sustainable, best-for-all solution.
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself
to think and believe that there is no other way to survive and ‘make it’ in
this world but to participate in the system ‘as is’ and that I have to ‘prove’
myself to the system and the world as we know it before I can be equal to the
world and that which is here;
Instead of realizing and understanding that my
equality with and within the world as we know it is within understanding and
self reflecting its very nature, its very existence, as well as my own
existence and nature in relation to it.
I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to take
it all the way when it comes to the realization that we can only change the
world as we change ourselves, and what changing oneself entails, holistically
so.
I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to see,
realize and understand the full scope of what it means that the entire world
system exists through and as self, through and as who WE are and how WE
participate and co-exist;
And so within this I forgive myself that I’ve accepted
and allowed myself to take my world studies and reflection only to an extent
but not all the way, because if I were to take it all the way it would mean
that I would have to make serious considerations about what I do and how I do
it, in this one life that we each have;
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself
to not see, realize and understand that some things cannot yet be forgiven,
because how can I forgive something that I do not even see/realize; and so
within this, I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to take it
for granted that when small moments or points in my life challenge my beliefs
and my view of the world I will react with resistance and activate the
‘defense’ systems and project the ‘veils’ that keep me from seeing further than
MINE, further than my OWN beliefs and opinions and views of the world;
Not seeing, realizing or understanding that in the
conditioning of such reaction within the small moments of my life I have
conditioned the ‘system protection’ itself that will ensure I am unable to see
or investigate different perspectives or new ways beyond MINE.
I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to even
consider that there may be such points where I am not yet seeing the whole
picture of how this world systems functions; that there may be ways and
alternatives that already brought to life, living that which I had envisioned
or known within myself to be best-for-all but hadn’t yet seen ‘How-to’ get
there;
And so within this I forgive myself that I’ve accepted
and allowed myself to be resistant to open up in groups /with people, and to go into ‘defense’
mode when my beliefs and perceptions are being challenged.
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself
to react to people or groups that do show they’ve done /are doing their
research, that they’re walking new paths to solutions, working together and
inviting others to join them.
So within this I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and
allowed myself to ‘feel good’ in my OWN small groups where I am more easily
‘defined’ or ‘accepted’ especially as groupings tend to form around agreement
of opinions/beliefs that require validation.
And I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed
myself to place such relationships before LIFE itself, for ‘fear of survival’,
instead of opening myself up to LIFE as a whole, starting with myself and my
own self honesty; where I no longer need or desire to define myself based on a
group or a belief or an opinion but rather I expand myself in awareness to
truly encompass the bigger picture of how it all fits together, within and
without –
as from there
holistic and sustainable solutions can emerge that will truly be best for LIFE.
