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| ART by Kelly Posey |
...In essence, this is about realizing and deconstructing the systems within – systems (i.e. patterns and habits of thoughts, feelings, emotions, beliefs, judgments, ideas, behaviors etc.) which I have adopted, formed, developed or copied and which I then accepted and allowed to define and bind me and my life to a limited version of me / a limited version of my life;
...Further, it is about forgiving myself for abdicating my self-directive authority to systems, and about stopping such systems from having power over me within myself. It is about seeing/ realizing/ understanding the ‘problems’ I am facing, and within that: seeing/ realizing/ understanding the solutions and corrections that are required for me to take back the directive authority I had abdicated to systems.
...So – it’s about living the self-forgiveness and walking the self-corrective realizations in self-commitment; it’s about living the change into beingness so that I can be fully ‘at peace’ with my myself and my life i.e. with how I live my life, which in the end means that I am able to live with every single decision I make, every single step I take, in every moment, with every breath.
...That is the principle of self-honesty.
Continuing from:
Day 347 | Self Commitment & Desteni I Process
So, with this post I start re-evaluating myself in relation to the most prominent systems/ patterns/ habits of my life, my existence, so as to investigate what still has power over me and how – i.e. what it is that I still accept and allow to define and determine who I am and what my life is, and HOW (meaning through what actions and/or inactions, through what ideas/beliefs/judgments etc.) I make such acceptances and allowances and compromise who I really am as life, thus compromising my ability to live and expand to my utmost potential.
Here, I start by looking at what I call “my life”:
I spent much of my life thinking and believing that others/ the world/ society are responsible for how “my life” is.
I spent much of my life blaming such external factors, making “my life” subject to external factors and then projecting the responsibility for “my life” onto such external factors.
I spent much of my life looking at “my life” through the eyes of the system and defining my life as a ‘failure’, because I also saw and defined ‘success’ through the eyes of the system and thought and believed that if I for instance do not have a super job which enables me to make a super lot of money and create for myself a super image in the world – then I am a ‘failure’.
I spent much of my life trying to find ‘fulfillment’, without ever questioning the ideas and concepts of fulfillment that the system imposes onto human beings and whether such concepts/ideas in fact support life / support me as life.
I spent much of my life trying to find ‘fulfillment’ outside of myself, trying to get something/someone to ‘fulfill me’, and I never considered or asked myself how I am able to live in such a way that I fulfill myself / fulfill my life to the best of my ability.
I spent much of my life fearing that my life is ‘worthless’ and ‘meaningless’, and I have never questioned this fear, just as I had never asked myself how I can practically give meaning and worth to my life, or what worth and meaning IS to begin with.
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to make myself and my life subject to external factors and to my ideas and beliefs about how such factors apparently determine ‘who I am’ – instead of realizing that it is only through my permission that external factors define me and that I thus am able to take SELF-responsibility for ‘who I am’ and how “my life” is.
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to abdicate my responsibility for “my life” as I projected this responsibility ‘out there’, expecting for something/someone to give me the permission to live, or to give me the power to change, or to give me the fulfillment I need/want/desire, or to give me the worth/value that I feel I lack, so that I can feel “my life” is worth something.
Within this I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to define and accept myself as ‘worthless’ or ‘unworthy’, and that I hadn’t allowed myself to accept, acknowledge and establish my life in self-worth by accepting, acknowledging and establishing self-worth as ME, here, in every moment.
I commit myself to live self-responsibility for my life and to appreciate my life as worthy and valuable, as I realize that the value of life IS life/living.
I commit myself to stop the projection of my responsibility onto ‘external factors’ and to stop expecting something/someone to fulfill me.
I realize that by projecting responsibility and expecting others/external factors to ‘fulfill me’ – I am in fact giving my power away and accepting/defining that I am powerless and incomplete.
I commit myself to stop defining “my life” through the eyes of the system, as I realize that I am the one that decides my worth – I am the one that decides what my life is worth, and it is through my actions and also through my inactions that I express and determine what my life is worth.
Therefore I commit myself to value my life and to accept self-worth as me here. I commit myself to act/live in awareness of who I am in every moment and what my actions imply, to within self-awareness make sure that I no longer abdicate my value as life, that I no longer depreciate my life /myself, and that I no longer expect others/external factors to give me ‘value’.
I commit myself to embrace my life and myself, as I realize that the life given to me is a gift – and I’d be foolish and spiteful to depreciate this gift based on concepts/ideas/judgments of the mind/the system.
I realize that what I make out of my life and out of myself is MY responsibility; and that every moment, every breath, every action or inaction defines and determines and accumulates into: what my life is and will be.
Therefore I commit myself to live in full self-responsibility, as I walk every moment in awareness, and to embrace the power that comes along with responsibility, as I realize that only I have the power to forgive myself, only I have the power to change myself, only I have the power to value my life, only I have the power to live – Because if I don’t, no one can do it for me.
I realize that responsibility is power – not the ‘power’-definition of the system, but power as the breath of life, as I see that the only ‘place’ I have actual power is in every breath, in every moment – wherein I am able to take self-responsibility and direct myself as best for life, participating and interacting in life in a way that support me as life, and thus consequently in a way that equally supports all life.
… to be continued
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