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| ART by Matti Freeman |
I’d like to share a perspective that came up during my interaction with a trainee in the context of DIP Lite, specifically it was about facing an interesting situation with a work partner: the person wanted to ‘live out’ his idea of ‘being a good partner’ and expected his partner to respond and do the same / treat him in a particular way according to the ideas and expectations the person had formed in their mind.
I’d look at it this way:
If I do/behave as I do only out of my expectations toward my partner, then I am making my experience dependent on how my partner react or don't react, on whether/how he 'fulfills' my expectations and ideas or not. On top of that I then accordingly 'judge' myself, accepting the point of 'how my partner responds to me' to define me and my 'value'.
So - Why not simply do/live/behave as I see best for all, regardless how my partner responds. This way I give myself the gift of fulfilling myself, because I live/apply what I see best, and I do it for me. If my partner wants to follow my example, he will, if he won't then he won't - that is his process/his point;
I realize I have to accept this. Perhaps there are other people who look at things the way I do currently and are interested in exploring interaction / cooperation / communication.
Therefore I commit myself to stop my expectations that I have created in my mind about/towards my partner - and I support myself to live/apply and explore what I'd define as 'good partner'/'good colleague' for myself - I do it for me - through practical living and self-application.
I commit myself to stop hoping that someone/something will 'fulfill' me or give 'more value' to 'who I am'.
I realize that within such thoughts I am already accepting myself to be 'less than'.
I commit myself to stop thinking that when my partner agrees with me or when my partner change then I will be 'fulfilled', because if he agrees/changes I am now also "allowed" to change because my partner "approves" -
because why didn't I give that permission to myself in the first place - why did I make the point of me changing/me being a 'good partner' dependent of who my partner is and how he responds - when it's actually all about who I am.
I realize that I must and can change where I see that what I currently do/apply is not supporting me as life;
and that I don't have to wait for others to change first, or for others to 'approve' me/my change.
I realize that I am able to fulfill myself - by living/applying that which I see supports me/my world as life. I realize that I am able to accept myself as life, and accept my value as life.
Therefore I commit myself to live this and practice this and explore this.
I commit myself to stop looking at myself/others in terms of 'more value'/'less value' and to start exploring what it means to value life - starting with myself.
What is interesting within all this, is that once we are able to identify mental constructs such as blame, projections of hope / expectations, beliefs, ideas, etc. and pin-point the thought-patterns such constructs are made-up of or bring-up – one can start seeing how the thought-patterns create a 'fuzzy logic' which self as a mind/consciousness then follows blindly, recreating the same experiences/self-definitions over and over again.
If you look at it, everything that 'comes up' in the mind is like a 'memory'.
In essence, we have programmed ourselves by repeating the same thought-patterns, emotional-patterns, imaginations, reactions, over and over and over again - and this then in time becomes the 'memory' of who/what self accepts self to be and live, it defines one’s entire life-experience.
Seeing this, a further realization opens up: that self IS able to change, to stop the patterns, to move and direct oneself, and be responsible:
self-response-ability.
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