These days that I'm spending with family, I'm having
the opportunity to observe the children of relatives and I've noticed an
interesting phenomenon:
I have observed how children tend to copy/adapt the
behaviors of grown-ups …well, this is only natural, you'll say, this is how
children learn: by observing how everyone else in their environment is handling
things, is behaving, etc. Yes, isn’t this then one more reason for us ‘grown-ups’
to be particularly aware of who and how we are and how our behaviors may
influence others, especially children?
In one instance, one of the children who previously
didn't want to participate in a group game because he was busy playing his own
game, now later wanted to join us as he was finished with his previous
occupation. We explained to him that we can all play together in a moment, once
we finish up this round, then we can all begin a new game together.
The child now was very upset, and what he did was to
use emotional manipulation by saying: "well then - if I can't play with
you then I will sit here all alone and do nothing, on Christmas!" He said this in a tonality that showed the
intention to make everyone else, especially his parents, feel guilty and/or
sorry for him. In that moment I wondered how/where he got that idea, and I
recalled how his father was using similar tactics as a form of ‘control’ or ‘punishment’,
indicating to the child that: if you are like this /if you do this, then I will
be like this /then this is what you’ll get.
Now –
what is interesting is that this form of "if this
then that" logic is in itself quite valid - as that is the equation upon
which this reality of consequence is based.
And it is indeed quite vital that we learn and
understand what consequences our actions have. In fact, it would be excellent
if we could teach our children through such simple equations, helping them
understand how consequence is created and that in fact each action (or even
non-action) – each decision and every little choice we make at any given moment
– has a consequence.
This also means that consequence is not something
'bad' per se -
it is simply the outflow, the mathematical outcome, if
you will, of an action/inaction, of a decision or choice we make at any given
moment.
It is such a pity that in this world we tend to use
this equation (“if this then that”) in the polarity of ‘reward and punishment’.
In other words, instead of using this equation of “if
this then that” to teach reality-based common sense in its practicality, which
includes the insight and understanding of cause and effect, that in turn would
be a great way to teach self responsibility – what do we do? We teach our children
how to manipulate using ‘threats’ and other emotional manipulation triggers.
Why?
Well for one, this seems to be all we've known
throughout generations of 'education' and 'evolution'. This is the way the
world system - and all its systems, including parenting - have functioned for a
long long time already. Parents are often overwhelmed by their own children and
simply do not have the practical tools required to deal with their own mind and
their own reactions and mental/emotional patterns to begin with.
Furthermore, this polarity system is how the world
system indoctrinates its citizens into submission and attempts to control
people's behavior, even people's very fears & desires – through reward
& punishment.
So the problem I see is how parents rather attempt to
control their children, control their reality through manipulation, instead of creating
real empowerment and treating children as equals through direct communication
and practical common sense considerations.
Parents hardly take the time to share with their
children what they themselves may be experiencing, problems they are facing and
solutions they are considering. I mean, in that case the learning process of
the parent, when shared, would become a learning process for the child equally,
and the child would not have to go through the same stuff in order to find better
ways of dealing with reality and themselves.
Again the core of the problem here is that parents
("grown-ups") themselves hardly ever take that self-honest road of
introspecting their own minds, their own reactions, their own problems –
I mean, if we would truly do this, we would be much
more likely to find solutions and much more able to implement those solutions
and live them into creation.
A problem always contains its solution. It is a matter
of Looking - Seeing - Understanding - and being willing to correct/change.
The equation of "if this, then that..." is
an excellent little formula through which we can a) investigate our own
conditioned patterns and b) get to practical common sense solutions – based on
the actual cause & effect realizations that we would inevitably come to, if
we’d only be willing to 'think outside the box', if we’d only be willing to
move beyond our own limitations, our own preconceived ideas, beyond our very
own ego and 'how we like things'.
How we like things seldom considers other people. How
we like things is mostly based on our own conditioned stimuli-response
patterns. How we like things is more often than not how we keep history
repeating and manipulate our reality to serve our ego.
This is quite a problem, not only on individual scale,
but obviously also in the global scope of the entire world system – a system
based on self-interest, where LIFE, that which is Best-for-All is not
considered, is not part of the equation.
Despite the fact that "how things are" is
the way things have been for as long as we can remember – be fooled not! There
IS another way. We show this at desteni, an international group of individuals exploring
the principle of equality and oneness and ways to transcend polarity and
separation, so as to get ourselves into viable, sustainable, best-for-all
solutions, within and without.
…to be continued
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