An Earthling's Journey to Life: März 2014

Dienstag, 25. März 2014

Day 502 | Enough is Enough! ...And I am It!

Continuing from:

Day 501 | Investigating Self-Awareness - From Reaction to Creation

I've observed an interesting 'experience' within my life, basically boiling down to ‘the experience of my life’ with the constant lurking feeling of not being 'enough', like a constant feeling of lack, inadequacy, loss - or perhaps more to the point: the fear of being inadequate, being at loss, not being 'enough'. And from that fear arises (as its opposite polarity) the desire to 'compensate' for all that negativity –

which not only results in a constant stress factor but also in the end it results in the manifestation of that which one fears, just like a self-fulfilling prophecy;

because by the mere acceptance of the words 'not enough' as my living experience, as me, as my life - I had tacitly given permission for those words to be my starting-point, and thus for me to become that.

(Remember: "if you know the beginning, you know the end." In other words, we are here looking at the point of Cause and Effect, and the fact that we always become who we are, meaning that our life's creation is the result of the 'seed' that is our programming; the result of everything that we have accepted about ourselves: judgments, beliefs, limitations, definitions, experiences...)

Now - once I realized that I'd spent a life of restlessness really, I have since been working on forgiving and letting go of that/such idea and belief and emotional experience, and thus also of the manifested consequences thereof on physical level.

For instance, I am practicing how to REST effectively, as in: letting-go and accepting that I am ‘enough’. I am here, therefore I am enough. This way I am supporting myself to no longer allow myself to be driven by and into the rush of energy and the consequences thereof; but to instead move step by step, breath by breath, simplistically grounded – a most challenging approach for the mind lol

In this process I am learning to truly be with me and to be here for me; learning to embrace myself and to accept that I am here and that I am ‘enough’; to thus also practically support myself and live constructively.

And by living this application - for a moment letting go, Breathing, simply Being Here with Me, embracing myself in self-acceptance - even for one moment every now and then throughout my day: assists me in establishing that equilibrium, that self-acceptance of "I am here, therefore I am enough" as my starting-point, as my ground, my foundation, wherein I know who I am: I am here breathing, and that is ENOUGH.

Within this, I am discovering self-contentment - which is quite an interesting experience that I had never known this way, as I was always kinda extending myself 'out there', trying and trying and trying to make it all 'more'.

What a mindfuck!

As I said, in my life I always had the accepted experience that “I am not enough” and “my life is not enough” and “things are not going well enough” and “I am not loved enough” etc. so that I constantly had the experience of “not enough” with the result that I’d always be in a state of projecting myself into ‘something more’ lol very tiresome shit – so now I finally get to the point of re-training myself to live self-contentment and self-support for real, grounding myself and no longer ‘running after’ ‘something more’ or not being able to stop working or thinking or trying to figure things out in my mind – I am practicing the STOP.

So I can now do and enjoy simple things in my life, like for example wrapping myself into my cozy blanket and reading a book and really enjoying the comfort of the blanket and my reading of my book without thoughts distracting me from the here-moment; or giving myself a nice oil massage after an evening shower and enjoying the self-contentment of how I support myself as a physical being.

From here, I see that I am now getting to the 'real questions', because really: What am I doing for me? How do I treat me? Who am I with and toward myself? Who and how do I want to be/live?

Because as long as that self-relationship is not in equilibrium, is not in equality and oneness - How can we expect to have fulfilling relationships in our lives? How can we give to anyone else, if we cannot really GIVE to ourselves?

Yes, I know, it IS simplistic, however it’s one thing to ‘know’ these things intellectually, and quite another to actually live and apply them, and make them a real living part of ‘Who I Am’!

So, in terms of self-support, I would really suggest for anyone reading this to have a look at the above 'questions to self', and look at the already manifested answers: as how that self-relationship was being lived thus far. Look at this in self-honesty and really investigate whether you've really been supporting yourself unconditionally. THEN, look at redefining the answers into actual self-support by CHANGING how you live your answers and establishing a real self-relationship of equilibrium, of oneness and equality within self.

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Day 501 | Investigating Self Awareness - From Reaction to Creation

I was going to give this blog post the title “The End is the Beginning” or “The End of Me” lol - Why? Because I am at an interesting point where I am ready to give up 'the old me' without self-spite.
It simply isn't bringing it anymore lol, it’s too small, too limited, too self-absorbed - the 'old me' i.e. all habits and conditions and limitations and definitions and judgments and reactions and patterns that make-up the 'who I am' as the 'me' I have been as who and what I had created myself into, which is what the result of my life, my conditions and my relationships is basically showing me, reflecting back to be like a mirror.

But instead of approaching the 'old me' in self-judgment and self-loathing, within that in essence sabotaging myself and my ability to expand and change - I now apply a constructive approach.
At the same however, the awareness and decision is here that Enough is Enough! That I commit myself to assist and support myself in the process of stop existing as mere Reactions and start Living in a process of actual Creation.
I will no longer limit myself, I will no longer accept anxiety and stress to be the driving forces in my life, I will no longer follow the experience of negativity, of lack, of inadequacy, of anything for that matter that serves only to belittle me and keep me confined in a 'controlled environment' that is my mind/consciousness, the 'old me' that has felt 'safe' within its own self-imprisonment...

Which brings us to the point of self-creation. It is our acceptances and allowances that we hold within ourselves/our minds that in the end determine who and how we are. We are always the judge, and we are always the one that gives permission as to what we will accept about ourselves and where we will set our limitations!
We always create ourselves - and it seems we only have one real choice in life:
to either give ourselves up to the systems of consciousness and let 'them' (i.e. conditioning, habit, belief systems etc.) lead the way, to 'carry' us, to tell us who we are, what we need, what we desire, what we must fear, what we can and cannot do – and thus create ourselves ‘blindly’, in unawareness, through/as our REACTIONS;
OR to take directive leadership within ourselves and make Real Choices - which implies in fact absolute self-responsibility, realizing that what will become of me and what I will make out of my life is entirely up to me. Here it’s about actual self CREATION, in awareness.

(Granted, within the current world system there do exist physical limitations based on the socioeconomic conditions that each one is born into, but we're only fooling ourselves if we use that as an excuse or justification for why we are not making the BEST out of our lives, the BEST of ourselves, to the BEST of our ability.)

Interestingly enough those Real Choices I have referred to are not measured in ‘small’ and ‘big’, nor are they 'out there' somewhere; they are Here in every moment - as every moment defines who we are.
Thus we either ‘find’ and establish self awareness by in fact Being Aware in every moment that is here in this physical reality, thus seeing things for what they are and directing ourselves in the context of Reality, determining thus 'who I am' in every moment as a self-movement in awareness, an act of self-leadership;
OR we simply FOLLOW the conditioned and habitual reactions as the emotional-, thought- and behavior-patterns we have become, and accept/allow them to move us and to determine who we are.

So, looking in self-honesty at the consequences and confinements of where our conditioned patterns can lead us, I cannot but state Enough is Enough.
Which brings me to an interesting point that opened up when I looked at this word, the word ENOUGH, more in-depth. I will elaborate on this in my next post.