I am continuing from my previous blog post, still in the context of the
first point in my Declaration of Principle which reads: 1. Realizing and Living my Utmost
Potential
From my previous
post:
Suppression =
not dealing with / directing what comes up in the moment
in real-time.
...Later I was looking at what 'logic' my mind uses to 'support'
suppression, perpetuating the lethargy energy and creating friction/conflict
within myself.
So here I’m
now continuing with the point I was looking at - the 'logic' used by the mind.
What I found is that
within the condition of 'wanting a quick fix' - meaning: imagine yourself
hovering above yourself with a whip and going "Perfection NOW!, come on,
give it to me!", wanting everything to be PERFECT NOW, immediately, as if
by magic - I was not approaching the points practically, really taking into
consideration the practical steps required to be walked in the process of
'perfecting' a certain aspect/point in my life and experience;
I was merely thinking
"yes I can do it" but then not moving immediately practically to take
the small steps (here again the 'judgment' as 'small' is worth investigating,
to make sure we don't underestimate things because fact is that big things are
created through small steps) - but instead going into resistance and becoming
more 'lethargic', suppressing literally my life force, my ability to move and
direct things/myself, the ability to determine and change my experience and my
living.
So - looking into
what actually happens within me the moment I 'decide' not to ‘go for it’
(whatever it is that I'm dealing with) but to instead suppress/ignore it for
now and distract myself - I found the resonance of the thought "what if I
can't do it".
So what I saw myself
doing in relation to particular points in my life was: projecting something in
the future as a goal/change which I'd define as 'more'/'better'/'superior' and
wanting it NOW - then going "but where is it", then "okay I can
do it - I just need to do it, just do it" -- then instead of immediately
moving myself to take small practical steps towards that goal, I'd suppress it
and resonantly give-in to the resistance in a response like saying "what
if I can't - better not find out that I can't, better give up now, at least
there I know who I am" -- and right there I'd re-enter the point of
self-judgment / self-diminishment and then guilt, which I realized at some
point had become my driving force --- WTF !!!
I forgive myself that
I've accepted and allowed myself to feel ashamed upon realizing that guilt had
become my driving force after I had pushed myself down.
I forgive myself that
I've accepted and allowed myself to be trapped in 'morality' wherein I have
looked at myself and my world from a perspective of 'good'/'bad',
'worthy'/'unworthy', 'inferior'/'superior', 'doing the right thing'/'not doing
the right thing', etc. - wherein I had even created a kind of self-doubt and
uncertainty which I noticed the mind system utilized to further drive myself
into self-diminishment and inferiority - basically within that victimizing
self. Now if that is not the definition of self-abuse!
I forgive myself that
I've accepted and allowed myself to abuse myself as in eg. ignoring my physical
body and caring for myself and bullying myself in my mind using 'morality' --
instead of realizing what self-honesty is == which is the fundamental
relationship with ourselves - who we are within ourselves.
Therefore I forgive
myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to hide myself from myself, to
suppress myself and to judge and punish myself, being self distractive and thus
also destructive - instead of being self constructive and supporting myself in
the small, physical steps in real time that it takes to approach myself, life,
and living in a considerate, caring, supportive and holistic way, wherein I do
take the moment to see and assess what it is I am supporting with my
participation at any given moment: the conditioned mind designs that exist in
separation/fear/conflict; or the life force in me as that which strives for
perfection as life, as living, exploring, expanding, and participating in
everything it is in contact with from a starting-point of equality and oneness.
I forgive myself that
I've accepted and allowed myself to sabotage myself using suppression - not
realizing that everything I suppress / miss directing in the moment ==
accumulates/remains and results to a 'heavy load' that I 'carry' wherein I'd
then often give-in to a lethargic energy, as if drowning under the 'load' that
I'm carrying.
I forgive myself that
I've accepted and allowed myself to distract myself to not have to take
responsibility for what is here at any given moment.
I forgive myself that
I've accepted and allowed myself to suppress the minutest movement as
reaction/energy/thought/emotion within me, and within this I forgive myself
that I've accepted and allowed myself to judge and categorize what comes up
within me as 'big'/'important' and 'small'/'meaningless', instead of realizing
that my perception of the 'size' of a point very much correlates with my
awareness of it and my willingness to look at it, see it for what it is, and
direct it in self-responsibility.
Within this, I commit
myself to support myself in this practical approach / application of: becoming
aware of a point, looking at it directly, seeing it for what it is - without
judgment, quilt or any kind of morality - and directing it based on the
principle of oneness and equality and best-for-all common sense.
I forgive myself that
I haven't allowed myself to see/realize/understand that me not wanting to look
at something indicates me not wanting to see a part/aspect of me that this
something (and/or my response toward it) represents or shows/mirrors;
therefore I forgive
myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to distract myself into 'what I
know' as my conditioning and 'how I can control' MY world, creating a kind of
comfort zone in my mind and within how I move in my world where apparently 'I
am in control' or 'I know who I am' - but when something challenges my self
belief then I as the mind become defensive, which I can also see as within/as
resistance – eg. resistance to change, as if in fear of loss.
I forgive myself that
I've accepted and allowed myself as a living being in awareness to subject
myself into a mind/system and to be kept distracted/preoccupied in a mind
system that is limited to its programming; and within that I forgive myself
that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to keep myself from expanding / exploring
/ considering, and to keep myself from considering the words ‘expanding’, ‘exploring’
and ‘consideration’ within my definition and application of: living.
I commit myself to
nurture myself as a living being in awareness, by living/being 'here' in
awareness, being honest with/within myself, slowing down and allowing myself to
use the tools that are here to assist and support myself as life to understand
and direct myself, and to explore, expand and broaden my consideration and
therefore also my awareness, taking responsibility for the influence I realize
I have within my world -
as I see the
influences I have responded to throughout my life and how that has formed and
shaped 'who I am', simplistically through my direct or implied acceptance and
allowance.
I commit myself to
include in my awareness our interconnectedness and thus mutual influence as
human beings, as I see that within this I am able to a) learn a lot about
myself (in terms of understanding what influences me / what I react to and why)
and b) utilize this awareness to see other human beings in equality and oneness
so as to best assist and support them in their life and processes while taking
responsibility for the influence I have on them /their life.
I commit myself to
challenge the logic of my own mind (my justifications, fears, and other
limitations) and measure it against self-honesty - self-honesty being where I
ask myself the question: What am I doing? Who am I within what I think/speak/do
in this moment - at any given moment; and answer this question for myself in
the moment, wherein I give myself the opportunity to direct the moment, to take
responsibility, to be the directive authority, to be the directive sense,
the self directive will as awareness
that brings forth a 'best for all' outcome/outflow/solution - and that includes
myself - what's best for me.
Someone once shared
with me something which I saw as a cool definition of self-honesty: "Eternity
is in every moment ... everything is always here ... at any given
moment/decision/situation place yourself at the end of time, stand and check:
Can I live with these thoughts/words/deeds extended to this or that or these
people or those people, or even myself? Can I look them all in the eye, can I
look myself in the eye?"
I can see within this
that we are able to place ourselves within a bigger context than just oneself,
and not just from an ‘altruistic’ point of view – but for real. I am able to
embrace responsibility as power, as self expansion and exploration, wherein my
self, that which is my self-interest, starts expanding to include more of life,
to include practical common sense and space-time consideration, to include the
consideration and regard for others; I realize the my responsibility of who and
how I am extends beyond just myself, in fact to every person I meet / interact
with.
I commit myself to
expand myself by expanding my consideration and responsibility, both for myself
as a human being / physical body on earth and for other beings in my world
equally, from the starting-point of how can each be/become the best one can be,
how can each enhance their life experience and contribution, their life
awareness and strength of character as well as communication skills, and how we
can work together to change the human condition and enhance human nature and
the nature of life and living.
In other words, how
we can live to our utmost potential so as to within that also bring HUMANITY to
manifest its utmost potential, and live that ‘real humanity’ into beingness, into creation, into a ‘new
existence’ where LIFE is the value and ALL are empowered to live and flourish,
ALL FREE to express and explore. That would be heaven on earth, wouldn’t it?
Thanks for the ART by Andrew Gable and Desteni Artists :)
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