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| ART by Matti Freeman |
I am continuing with the Reaction dimension of a pattern that I started looking into from
This is specifically continuing from
Quoting from my previous blogpost:
If we look at REACTIONS, what characterizes them: they are of feeling-/emotional nature.
The only reference or AWARENESS we have thereof are ‘inner movements’ within the solar plexus area, ‘movements’ we have no clue where they come from or how they are triggered.
Then we THINK about emotions and feelings.
And the polarity values and value-judgements we assign to feelings and emotions as ‘positive’ and ‘negative’ refer mostly, interestingly enough, to an aspect a bit underestimated by humanity – WORTH, which is VALUE.
And that reference or relation to worth or value is what a whole life revolves around – when the actual worth and value of life are disregarded.
Already as small children we start becoming aware of the nature of COMPETITION that characterizes the society of this world.
We define our world and assign ‘positive’ or ‘negative’ value or charge to “others” according to what it is ‘worth’ to self, that again is based on how much ‘value’ that gives to self according to one’s own perception. Does that not already indicate that self has abdicated its own worth and value as life?
Therefore –
I commit myself to investigating any and all feeling-/emotional movements within myself, to see, realize and understand the equations I have accepted and allowed to define me; to see, realize and understand where and how I have abdicated my value as life and have separated myself into a ‘search’ for “value” outside of myself, so that I may stop the separation and the entrapment of myself within fake values, and bring myself back here to stand as life, in self-worth and self-honesty, taking self-responsibility and directive-principle of who I am, to within this restore the value of life within myself and consequently within my world.
Within such considerations of ‘worth’ and ‘value’ (‘innocently’ being shoved into the gullible minds of children through stories and fairy-tales and everything and anything they are exposed to in this world) – within such consideration which interestingly enough start taking place more and more within the ‘secret mind’ of the child or even at the subconscious/ unconscious level, self-interest emerges and once that self-interest becomes ‘enlightened’ as consciousness, as “I AM”, as ego, as personality, it feeds more and more on life in the pursuit of its (conditioned and indoctrinated) dream of ‘happiness’, which will given it ‘worth’, ‘value’.
I see, realize and understand that my idea and concept of “belonging” (which this series of Laying out the Mind Construct refers to, see blog posts from Day 186 onwards) have been engineered through my experiences in this world system and the definitions and value-judgments I have accepted/adopted/allowed, wherein I as a child have abdicated myself as life and have instead developed a consciousness personality to fit into this world and reality and ‘play the game’ that was presented to me as that which we call ‘life’.
What is interesting to see and realize throughout the whole process of looking into the mind-construct and how it plays-out in multiple dimensions, is that the ‘main point’ of it became irrelevant, non-existent.
Because really, is this in fact about “belonging”, or is the point of “belonging” simply the ‘ultimate feeling’ that is placed into definition and attributed value to, as opposed to self perceiving self as ‘lacking’ that point of ‘belonging’ and thus ‘lacking’ the “value” that goes with it.
Therefore I commit myself to stop the separation of myself into ‘positive’ and ‘negative’ definitions, as I see, realize and understand that such definitions are based on value-judgments, which in turn are based on interpretation and perception, and are thus engineered and conditioned and not an authentic expression of who self is as life.
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to accept / allow / create within myself the perception and thus experience of ‘not belonging’, within this defining my present as ‘negative’, and then projection the ‘positive’ polarity thereof into the future and placing myself into a ‘pursuit of happiness’ trying to ‘belong’.
I see, realize and understand that through such self-separation I am only disempowering myself and abdicating my value as life through placing value into a FEELING defined as ‘belonging’.
Therefore I commit myself to assisting and supporting myself in embracing myself and accepting myself as equal to life and thus worthy and valuable as life. When and as I see myself trying to ‘belong’, I stop, I breathe, and I remind myself that I am already here, on this earth, and as such this is where I belong, and that there can be no higher value to life on earth but restoring the value of life for ALL life equally.
I forgive myself that I hadn’t allowed myself to see, realize and understand that this point of separation, self-defined as ‘belonging’, which is as vague as a ‘feeling’, is simply utilized by and as the consciousness I have developed and become as a ‘justification’ for the existence of an entire range of reactive-participation, within which friction is generated, energy is generated, an entire personality trait is generated, and thus self is kept busy in the mind with a point that is not even ‘real’, yet the mind consciousness feeds on it as it recycles it through emotions, feelings, thoughts and backchat, as well as reactive-behaviour through which it attempts to validate itself in self-righteousness.
Therefore, I commit myself to investigating and letting go of all the ‘expressions’ of such consciousness personality, so that I may set myself free from the trap of polarity and stop the disempowerment of myself by stopping the separation within and of myself;
to not longer accept or allow myself to be moved by consciousness patterns that I did not even instruct myself, and to instead support myself in becoming the directive-principle of me, in self-honesty, self-worth, and self-acceptance as life.
I see, realize and understand the disempowerment that goes along with such ‘pursuit of happiness’, in this case the pursuit of the FEELING of ‘belonging’, as it is a mental projected “value” based on value-judgments, which is something that is engineered within and through the polarized consciousness of this world system based on perception and interpretation –
perception and interpretation being something that we are ‘taught’, and thus literally adopt, according to the consciousness equations of this world system, of which the atrocious results we can see everywhere around us, in all societies, regardless of culture, race, nationality, etc.
To be continued.
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| ART by Matti Freeman |
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