Day 5: Trapped in Time as Cycles of Patterns

What is fascinating about time is that we seem to always be behind time, running after time, running out of time, not having enough time, not taking the time, competing with time...

Time is not on our side. Time always wins. In our struggle to cope with time, we tend to hurry, rush, stress.
We never stop for a moment to consider and realize, that the more we think about time the more we lose time; and the more we rush after time the more we stay behind.

And while we seem to perceive time in terms of 'more' and 'less' - where time is either 'long' or 'short' and we either have a lot of time or we don't have time - there is ONE time measurement that is constant, consistent and always equal to every here moment: BREATH.

I forgive myself that I haven't allowed myself to realize that the only 'real time' is one breath at a time.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to struggle with time in my mind, instead of realizing that I am able to walk breath by breath, one breath at a time, giving 100% of myself to each one breath, and that I at any given moment can only do as much as I can do in one breath.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to place myself as inferior to time, wherein I would always run after time and struggle with time, trying to have enough time, not realizing the time I waste with all the thoughts, anxiety and stress I allow myself to indulge in.

I forgive myself that I haven't allowed myself to realize that time is the master of patterns, wherein - because we are not slowing down to one breath at a time, to be fully here in every moment, we rush in time and allow time to drive us automatically into automated patterns of behavior and experience, whereas if we slow down and walk breath by breath, we are able to see the patterns of time and place ourselves as the directive principle, instead of allowing the patterns of time to direct and dictate who we are and how we walk our lives.

I forgive myself that I haven't allowed myself to realize that we are trapped in time as the mind, wherein - when we are not here in every breath, we allow ourselves to automatically follow time and the patterns that come up in cycles, patterns that are based in past conditioning and thus based in time, and if we only follow time we bound ourselves to the patterns of the past which we re-live and thus re-create in the present and in turn create the future as a re-play of the past; thus within following time and allowing time to automatically run while we follow, we are creating the future from the past through our acceptances in the present.

I forgive myself that I haven't allowed myself to realize that if I want to break the patterns of the past that keep me trapped in cycles of personality-patterns as ego, conditioned through the systems of this world, I require to walk in breath-time, one breath at a time, slowing down in every here moment: to be able to see, recognize and understand the timelines I automatically follow; to be able to see, recognize and understand the patterns I exist within and as; to be able to see, recognize and understand the thoughts, emotions/feelings, fears and desires that constitute a pattern - so as to be able to see, recognize and understand that I have not been the directive principle in my life and within myself, but have instead been following conditioned patterns of thoughts, feelings/emotions and behaviors, and therefore have existed as a robot trapped in time, following the cycles of time automatically, accepting and allowing history to repeat as I have been repeating my patterns in time, creating the future from the past, and thus being a prisoner of my past while I keep this world imprisoned in its history.

I commit myself to stopping history from repeating through stopping myself from repeating, re-creating and perpetuating my personal patterns of the past, where I have been existing as a mind only, as an ego consciousness conditioned by this world to exist in survival, fear and separation.

I forgive myself for repeating the patterns I know because within that I felt safe that "I know who I am", all the while who I really am is suppressed and disabled through the very patterns I accept and allow and follow, whereby the patterns and behaviors and thoughts and emotions as the mind have been the directive principle of me, instead of me taking the power back to self.

I commit myself to investigate the patterns that bound me and thus bound the world in the state it is, and to make sure in every moment that I am the one that makes my decisions in life, make sure that I am the directive principle of me as life, make sure that the patterns and behaviors I create are aligned to that which is best for all, that which supports life and thus supports me as life equally.

I commit myself to stopping the rush of the mind and slowing down to one breath at a time, in the realization that I cannot do more than what can be done in one breath at a time.

I commit myself to stopping myself from following the automatic patterns of the mind as thoughts, reactions and behaviors, realizing that this is not who I really am as life but merely automatic patterns conditioned through this world without my directive decision.

I commit myself to being and becoming the directive principle of myself as life, wherein I in every moment have the actual choice to decide and determine and live that which is of support for life, as all as one as equal.